When in my life did I loose it all?

Question

I had a family that was there but then slowly started drifting apart till there was no more. I had a loving father who drifted away 2 which became a phonecall relationship I had a loving mother who built a wall 2 block us out of her life I had a brother who became violent & angry at everything i did. The world was bright, but began to darken. My house was my home till it became a hell with prisoned bars that began 2 hurt & torture me inside. Everything in my life I was broughtin into was taken from me & left me stranded 2 fend 4 myself. Having to relearn my communication, ability, defence, emotions, my trust, & how 2 to live in my home I didnt recognize anymore. I was pushed into a dark deserted world & was never acknowledged in being saved.

Answer 1

Hello Ellen,

You certainly have good reason to be clinicaly depressed, and that is your condition right now.
You have to let a doctor see you, and if he isn't qualified for therapy sessions, he will know who do send you to. I have been where you are now, not the same things happening , but the emotional torture and the horrible and total lack of hope for a better tommorow...and when i did start climbing out of the deep muddy slippery well ....or get a few rungs up on the ladder ...my efforts were wasted because someone/thing would push me back down the well, and there was always someone or thing to pull the rug out from under me just when i began thinking maybe I had a chance out of the living hell. You needs couseling to help you solves your problems, and possibly an anti-deressant. Even though your conditions a bad enough to warrant a depression, you can still be helped with couseling and meds.
I had no idea what depression was ....and things kept getting worse and worse and i had all my life lived through bad times by telling myself it will get better it ALAWAYS gets better ...and when it did'nt ....I when into a deep dark depression and then sufferd a mental breakdown.
I was being abused by my family and the worse part was my husband had a woman on the side and she was mean and creul and hated me and my husband would egg her on to abuse me anyway she could. to this day I do not know how or why he went from an adoring loving husband to the abusing , philandering betraying person.
He tells me its all over now and i need to get over it ...I tell him THATS EASY for you to say its over YOU WERENT ABUSED....you never got hurt ..I DID AND it isn't over ....and I seriously doubt i can ever forgive and trust you again..because what {ive not said the horrifieing things they did to me} you did to me not a human on earth could do that and not hate the person, He still has huge sums of money that he doesnt think I know about...and he lies and tells me {after i do some of the accounting} that we didnt make much money ...or he brags to friends about how he has made ..Blank.. amount of dollars ..and not knowing I heard him will later say gosh we will have to titen our belts the last big contract went bad and we took some great losses. The man is insane and thinks i am so stupid i believe him....Ellen I could go on but it wouldn't accomplish anything ...lets leave it at ...I was living in a terrifieing nightmare...except that it was no nightmare it was my life.
Finaly his bleachbag fat girlfriend MELISSA B. and him became so abusive I was afraid for my safty and even at times my life. ..i had to go....i should have divorced asap...bit i had been whittled down so weak...and i was so insecure i believed all the things he told me anout how horrible i was. but ive found a new home in a new part of the country ..and im ok...people are good to me ...they like me and show it. I am maybe for the first time in my life although not close but shallow relationships may be being treated like a human should be. I am sorry i ran on and on ...but i got help so can you and you can get all the garbage out of your life...I WISH FOR YOU TO HAVE THE BEST LIFE POSSIBLE...and may it begin ASAP!!!!!

PEACE

Answer 2

I know how you feel. Been there, had much the same things happen to me.

Perhaps you did not make your feelings enough to your family, to let them know you love them & want them in your life? Is it too
late to do that now?

Perhaps they did not give you the chance to?
Perhaps you did & they still deserted you?

Not pleasant. A tough experience. Bewildering. It is like God has handed you a set of circumstances you don't deserve, turning your world upside down...

Believe me, you are being tested.

What is inside you? If you can close your eyes and know goodness resides there, then concentrate on that soothing energy.

Let the other stuff drift away so it no longer hurts you quite so much, so you can still function. That is so important!

Try to maintain some form of relationship with the individual members of your family, even if it's only the occasional letter.

Stop the churning of emotions inside by accepting how things are i.e. you cannot go back in time & change anything, but you can go forward trying to stop history repeating EG. if you have kids.

The kind of wounds you are suffering from is similar to bleeding from an open wound. Somehow you need to stop the flow of blood.

The most healing thing you can do is TALK about your feelings. Get them out into the open. Scream & cry if you feel the need to. "When you cry you are letting out the heartbreak you feel inside." That will give you some kind of closure.

See a GP if necessary to request counselling. (I never had counselling but I wish I had).

Protect yourself! Look for people who are KIND - people you don't have to work hard with just to get them behave decently i.e. humanely. Avoid people who cause pain for pleasure like the plague!

I wish you could see the greater picture...

Remember Moses who was cast out to wander in the wilderness for 40? years... I am sure there were many times in his life when he did not understand... there was a greater destiny waiting for him... when, through his suffering he had learnt the lesson/s he was being taught...

Your true destiny may be to devote your time towards helping orphans - this whole experience might be making you aware of how they must feel, providing you with a deep empathy for their needs & lonely plight?

That means you are able to turn a negative loss into a positive gain. BELIEVE, have faith, you CAN do that & make it work for you so that you come out on the other side of this feeling HAPPY.

That is what you need find for salvation- your true destiny. Forget the dross & get on with that!

I wish you every success.
God bless.

Answer 3

Part of it is called 'growing up' love. Most people I know - myself included - had a warm and happy family life when we were young but as we grow and get our own personalities and find our own way in life, some of us grow apart. As we have our own families we sometimes dont have time as much as we should to share the lives of mums/dads/brothers etc. and before we know it we dont actually know those people too well anymore. Life is what you make it and if you dwell on what might have been or should have been then you will be miserable. Look to the future and what you can have and work at it. Take a day at a time and one day you'll sit and look at what you've GOT rather than what you've lost xxxxx

Answer 4

Forget fate, luck, gods will or horiscopes. Here's the most accurate prediction for your future. YOUR FUTURE WILL BE WHATEVER YOU CREATE. Go to it, find that peace and contentment that is undoubtably out there. Take one day at a time. Remember "old" proverbs. Even a journey of a thousand miles needs a first step. The path will be rough at times but the style of your letter showed me that you have not given up. I believe in you. Hey, for my own kids I devised a family motto which to this day they still use when it gets difficult. How about me granting you honorary membership of our clan and letting you know the motto. Here it is, are you sure your ready, definitely. OK here goes---

I CAN AND I WILL!!!
Repeat whenever you feel your determination ebbing.

GO go go. Remember, even the answers you get here on Yahoo show that you are not alone and that some people out there care.

Answer 5

Well now Ellen B. I'm with JAN on this one, and you just listen to me be thankful for what you have had there are lots of people out there who had nothing at all right from birth and still don't, at least you have had love and when you go down memory lane as you grow older you will be able to see things in a different light. I know it seem hard right now but as family's do they have good times and bad times but one day you will look back on this and know it was not that bad. chin up love grin and look the world in the eye and don't let it get you down and I ask our father God to bless you and yours and give you the courage and strength to face up to the way things are and get through to happier times in Jesus Christ name I ask this Amen. IT IS SO. yours in J. C. peter william lack.

Answer 6

I have gone back and read all your questions. You have been very sad for a long time now. This is not good for anyone. Do you have a family doctor that you can talk to? I wish I had the answers you seek but I don't. I understand sadness but not necessarily yours. I understand lose of family and how painful that can be too. When times are at their worse I turn to God and ask for his help, when I don't know the answers. Even as a child he was there for me and got me through hard times. So if you believe, turn to God in prayer and ask him for guidance and help, he will be there for you. He will never give us more then we can bear. I will ask him to help you too.

Answer 7

Honey, pick your self up!!! Not one time did you mention being sick or broke. When you can't go out and buy your self something to cheer you up then the world is over. Maybe you shouldn't worry about others at this point in your life. Just try to think about only you. Good Luck

Answer 8

I dunno, but try & focus on what you do have. count the blessings: like, you are still alive, you have your senses,you were able to eat today, you were born in America, etc...think of all you can. write it down. when you feel like you do tonight, take out that list. to add to it. you have to give yourself permmission to acknowledge to yourself that you were saved.
for example,something happend to me six yrs ago that I have fought to come back from and am succeeding, wasn't sure if I'd ever be okay, but things keep improving. I consisder myself lucky to be alive and not a "hostage" of one sort or another.
however, things sound serious enough, that if I were you, I'd check into local mental health resources. you could be clinically depressed. it's treatable. you are so not alone!:) remember, things could be worse, but they're not. you can't change anybody else, but you can change your attiitude towards them, and you can change yourself..chin up, and keep the faith. hope this helps.

Answer 9

so what do you wish for now? just concentrate on what is important to you. your job and family? work on your job first. if you cannot even feed yourself you will be a burden to your family. visit your parents often. sit down with them and talk. talk sense to your brother too. buy him sometime he likes first. and slowly bring the topic up and chat. but first you must control your temper and the way you speak. sometimes you might offend the opppsite without knowing it. hope that this works.

Answer 10

Whomever you've hurt in the past...its all caught up with you now!!
Stuff like this does nt happen without you having done something really awful to someone. What goes around comes around...look deep into your past. I believ you cant be as innocent to all your troubles as you believe you are.