How to deal with bratty adult sister who is a horrible mother to her children (my nephews)?

Question

My younger sister (in 20s) has 3 kids, no job, and lives at home. My parents provide everything for all of them. Babies' daddies (2) contribute nothing.

I'm the aunt who loves these children dearly. I do what I can for the kids and visit regularly so I get to see all of this: Sister allows kids to be indoors with her smoking boyfriend and his family (kids get asthma and bronchitis); gives the kids soda and chips for breakfast; puts them to sleep in their street clothes; screams things like "I'm going to kill you!" (and the "F" word) at them; acts like they're a burden and rarely shows them love/affection (and the list goes on)

Sister is a very gruff, unmaternal, angry person (always has been). She's impossible to communicate with and screams at us if we try to make gentle suggestions.

The kids mean the world to us, but they're HERS, not ours (which she's quick to remind us). How can we fix her mistakes in child rearing before it's too late? Or is it too late?

Answer 1

There's no telling whether you can prevent or fix her mistakes. But you can definitely be a visible and active part of the children's lives, so that when they need someone, they will know that they have you.

Be their safe place, be that hug at the end of the day, be that smile and wink as they head off to school, be that little love note written on a post-it tucked into their coat pocket. Children are amazingly resilient; if they have someone as loving and caring as you consistently in their life, they'll most likely be less affected by a mother like you described.

Bless you for being there for them. Don't give up!

Answer 2

Talk to you mother about this as well. You may have to use child services. My sister in law is going through the same thing. She picks the baby up and keeps her for a week or so at a time. She keeps records of everything that happens with her. Dirty clothes, not bathed, if she is overly hungry, things like that. You should be able to get a suprise visit from child services.

Answer 3

I would seek professional help from someone from child aid services for advice. She sounds like she is not a good mother and I feel for those children. I have a a friend whom in her past was a bad mom too and her parents whent and got custody of the 2 kids and have been raising them for several years now. My friend says that she was furious at first but when her parents had full control, they had the chance to deal with her more strictly. She had to get a job, go to parenting classes and be more respectful or get out. My friend now realizes her parents did her a HUGE favour and now she is a way better Mom. She still has issues, so does not have full custody but is working on it. I don't know if this is an option in your family and I feel for you for having to worry about those poor children! I hope whatever happens that it all works out in the end! Good Luck!

Answer 4

I am afraid that the part in your question that says she reminds you that they are hers is the part you have to listen to. It may not be right or fair on the kids, you or your parents, but unless she is abusing the kids in some way that the courts would do something about it if it was brought to your attention, then you are helpless to do anything except encourage your parents to make your sister stand on her own two feet and to make sure that you are a good aunt to the kids.
Sometimes you wonder why people like your sister are allowed to have kids.

Answer 5

My friend you should be more mad that they do not follow the faith. Because that reflects you did a poor job of being the man of the house. This world and the rulers of this world mean nothing as it is God who puts people in power we are to obey them in all things unless they make laws against our following the word of God. Romans 13:1-7 and Acts 5:29. A person who can not rule his own home is not a very good leader but once the kids are old enough to chose what they truly believe if as long as they were with you and followed the Lord while under your roof you did you job. They will have to answer to God for their behavior. but then again they are not honoring mother and father by not being a believer it makes you look bad as a godly parent. I don't mean to be critical to you this was not meant as a put down. Thanks for the question friend. God bless.

Answer 6

Bad parenting is like watching a bad movie. I have the same problem with my half sister except her children live with her ex husband and not with her but she picks them up every now and them and brings them to our parents house. She yells at them constantly telling them that she is going to smack them and hit them. She calls them childish names so then they call them back. The little one is only 3 and already cusses often. They treat thier grandpa and grandmother like they are nobody important. While they are thier they hit each other and push each other around. The mother does the same thing and she once bragged about giving her son a black eye. I will never treat my children like this! So if you find out what to do let me know cause I could also use advice!

Answer 7

Just be there for the kids. I have a bro sounds just like your sis. Im sorry to hear - i know what it feels like. Give the kids all your love honey sounds like they are gonna need it.

Answer 8

I am sorry to hear of this! other than reporting her to child services which I am sure you don't want to do since she is your sister. Make sure you are a part of their lives. Make sure they see there are other ways people live and other ways people talk and they will have you as a role model. Good luck.

Answer 9

I think you could probably call Child Services on you, but since she's living with you, they might not let you see the kids.. since technically you are living with her too.