My fiance had a problem with crack-cocaine a long time before. Several weeks ago, he had a relapse. We have been doing drug tests since then, and all have come back clean, and we have been talking about the problem. He keeps telling me he is sure that he wont do it again, but if he is so sure how did it happen in the first place? Is this relapse something that is a really big (somewhat lifechanging) ordeal, or is more likely a one time thing? The initial crack addiction occured before we were together, and we have been together 6 years now. I honestly believe this is the first time in our years together that he has done this. I'm trying to figure out if he is headed back down that road and needs to be in rehab asap, or if he truly did make a mistake and can stay clean? We are supposed to get married this summer, and I don't to marry a crackhead. Please help!
2007-02-02 17:56:52 · 10 answers · asked by as 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Sweetie, I was the parent of a heroin addict who died August 30, 2006. I know crack is not the same as heroin but it can be equally as dangerous and addictive. My son tried heroin in high school at a party and was addicted almost immediately. His life became a series of lies, deceit, threats, stealing, hypocrisy, 14 rehab tries, multiple suicide attempts, prison and eventually death when he finally found the heroin laced with fentanol on the streets of Detroit.
Is your fiance in treatment of any kind? Does he go to NA meetings? Should you go to NARC-ANON for family members of drug addicts? Does he have repeated unexplained absences or instances where he cannot give you logical excuses of where he was? (Be careful with this one; he may be seeing someone else and using drug usage as an excuse as well.) Drug addicts are the most incredibly manipulative people in the world; if they are truly addicted they will stop at nothing to get their drugs. My son ripped off his grandparents, friends, family and others and lied about it every time. Pawn shops in Detroit got to know me and my father well as we came to buy our stuff back that my son had stolen and had hocked to buy drugs.
If your fiance does not exhibit any of these signs, it may truly be a one time relapse but please watch for these signals, especially lying and manipulative behavior. Hopefully he just made a stupid mistake but be very suspicious for a while, this could truly be a life changing event for you. Life with a drug addict is a dead end street unless he is truly clean. My son used to always beat drug screens as well, including at methadone clinics. There are mulitple ways to beat the system if you really want to; so please be careful with this.
Most drug addicts also exhibit other types of mental illness; does your fiance have any other issues? Do you normally feel safe with him? Do you feel less safe with him now? Does he suffer from depession? Everyone feels depressed from time to time, but is he able to bouce back from it?
Please bear in mind that no one is perfect, but watch for all of the warning signs with drug addicts; sometimes they can't help themselves no matter how hard they try and you may become the victim, regardless of how much you try to help him.
I wish you nothing but the best! Follow your heart; you will know the answer!
2007-02-02 19:32:01 · answer #1 · answered by LarBear 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it is a really serious problem, and you know that he is going to have to keep fighting it for rest of his life. It is not something that is going to go away. It is something that he will need to go to support groups for, and a lot more, and if at sometime he may be depressed he could turn to it again. So you will need to be strong and supportive of him, and help him to stay clean. And since you have talked about it, that is a very good start. So now it is up to you, no one can really tell you what to do, that you two will have to decide together. Go and see a therapist and talk with it , and talk about it.
2007-02-03 02:07:00 · answer #2 · answered by Ladyofathousandfaces 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to say that the relapse rate for crack addicts is quite high.
If you want to stay with him in the good times I suggest perhaps not a marriage ceremony but a non-legally binding commitment ceremony.
In time I believe you will want to move on of your own accord.
2007-02-03 02:02:00 · answer #3 · answered by special-chemical-x 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take it from someone who fell in love with two crackheads - but in a nice, upper-class, yuppie sort of way - you will always be suspicious - no way getting around that - can you live with constant suspicion? You think you can - but it does go on and on and on - and you will remember what has happened last year 20 years from now when you are still suspicious - take this very seriously - you may love him and that may be enough to overcome the fact that you WILL BE in CONSTANT SUSPICION!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-02-03 02:09:03 · answer #4 · answered by missyandcowboy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No way for any one of us to know much, with the amount of information we have.
If you are not sure, do not marry him. Marriage is not an experiment to see if a relationship can work, it is a lifelong commitment. You do not want to get connected to this person if you don't know him better than that.
You can always extend the engagement. If he truly cares for you, he will understand and be patient. If not, keep looking.
2007-02-03 02:04:13 · answer #5 · answered by Mister SuperDuperSmartyPants 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is sad to say, but the odds are not in his favor. More than likely he will relapse again. Cocaine and particulary crack cocaine is one of the most addictive drugs in the world (both mentally and phisiologically) My advice to you is stear clear of this man and my source is strictly my own experience, being the one that is in your fiances place, not yours
2007-02-03 02:08:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Make sure he is working closely with a NA sponser and is accountable to theat sponser in AA/NA its one day at a time not Ive kiced it and can go in with my live it is a life longe committment to staying sober
2007-02-03 03:09:39 · answer #7 · answered by ourlittleposseof12 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its a pretty serious relapse. what made him want to do it again in the first place? i think you should have him see a counselor and have him checked out.
better safe than sorry.you dont want to start a marriage with suspicions.
2007-02-03 02:04:41 · answer #8 · answered by azimahal 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't do it...your asking for a lot of heartache if you do. I just found out my neighbor stole his mothers tv and sold it for crack.
DON"T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-02-03 02:02:35 · answer #9 · answered by fefe917 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DON'T MARRY A CRACK-HEAD. THAT IS WHAT YOU SAID, AND THAT IS WHAT I WOULD DO.
2007-02-03 01:59:21 · answer #10 · answered by Sarbazeirani 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋