Is this unusual or am i making more of this than what it appears to be? Tomorrow is sat. and she is going over her moms with the kids like 3 out of 4 weeks a month. Am I right to be angry about this? My wife talks to her more than she talks to most days.
2007-02-02 17:10:06 · 10 answers · asked by maxsteel 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
OPEN YOUR EYES..
It's not really her mother. It's a guy in disguise..
2007-02-02 17:13:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
NO you are not wrong to be angry!
You should have put your foot down a long time ago, but instead you've let it get 'way out' of
control.
It 'is' rather unusual for a mother to send her
'married' daughter a valentines card.
I never did it and really don't know any of my friends who did either..
If your wife is spending all the time you say she is, with her mother, then she is showing 'no'
consideration 'or' respect for you at all..
If it were me this would be telling me quite a lot.
The first thing I 'would' realize is, that I'm 'not'
important in her life, therefore I am obviously
'not' loved..
I'd let her know how you feel.
If she doesn't respond by making some changes
about her repeated 'mother' visits, then I'd re-think the whole marriage thing with her..
2007-02-02 19:07:40 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it is unusual for a mother to buy her grown daughter a valentine. Also, women NEED conversation with other women. This fills a need that talk-with-men does not fill.
Having said that, I will say that if your wife is taking the kids to grandma's house and leaving you alone 3 or 4 weekends each month, then there is a problem in your marriage. And, it is probably true that before she started going to her mom's all the time, she probably tried to work things out with you but it didn't work. You need to honestly assess your relationship with her. Do you greet her pleasantly? Do you parent the kids or expect her to do it all? Are you crabby? Do you compliment her and romance her? Are there things around the house that have been broken for MONTHS and you haven't kept your word to fix them?
Try to think of what she used to like you to do in the early days of your relationship, then do them. Be such a good husband that she will want to spend more time with you. Also, you could go with her to her mom's house. Maybe there is a project at her mom's house that you could do for dear old mom.
As a very last resort, you could always ASK her what is wrong. But be prepared for her to be honest, and don't throw back accusations with what she has done wrong. Maybe you could phrase it in a positive way, such as, "Honey, I remember how we used to enjoy spending Saturdays together, and I'd sure love to spend this Saturday enjoying you. What would you like to do?" You might have to be more pointed and ask, "Am I doing something that is driving a wedge in our marriage?"
Good luck. Whatever you decide to do, DO something. Don't just sit there hurting and lonely. Act before the distance widens. The wider the chasm gets, the harder it will be to breach.
2007-02-02 19:34:37 · answer #3 · answered by Cris O 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mothers and daughters tend to be close, but this seems a bit much. There's probably a reason she's going there so much...a need that's being filled by it. Maybe her mom takes care of the kids and cooks while your wife gets to relax?
It sounds like you two need to sit down and have a talk! Tell her you miss her! Listen with an open mind and think of ways to compromise. My husband was going to his brother's house ALL the time. We talked about it (more than once) and agreed to one weeknight and one weekend night. Things are fine now because we both get what we want. HTH!
2007-02-02 17:22:36 · answer #4 · answered by naturallycheryl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you say "3 out of 4 weeks a month" you don't mean for the whole week do you?? If so, that is weird. If not...
I have been with my husband for 23 years. I lost my mom 4 years ago. Before that, I talked to her daily for at least an hour and visited most days too. My husband's mom is dreadful and he loved my mom, so he came along or was happy when I spent time with her. For years I was off work on Sun and Mon only. Sun. I spent with my husband and Mon. I spent all day with my mom while he was at work. As for talking, my husband and I get along great but I did talk to my mom more than I did him! He is not a big on talking, just to be talking, like we ladies are,lol. I think he was thankful. Now that she is gone, I know I am sure thankful for the time I spent with her. Once they are gone, you wish you had spent even more time with them. Of course this applies to you too. Your wife should be spending time with you too. My husband never felt neglected and he misses her as much as I do. She was like his mom too. If you are feeling neglected and you are sure this is the SOLE reason, not some deeper resentment you have, then I'd either go along with her and the kids or tell her how you are feeling- in a nice way. For example, "Honey I think it is great you and the kids enjoy being with your mom but I feel a little like we are missing out on "us" time and I really miss it."
As for the Valentine's gift? It was perfectly normal and so sweet! My mom always did that for all her daughters and grandkids even! Right up until she passed away and I was 40 then. YOU are getting your wife a gift for V Day too? AND your MIL? AND your mom if she is still with you? My husband would get us both candy or take us to dinner the week of Valentine's Day as we "were two of his favorite ladies." he'd say. :) Valentine's night dinner was just for he and I though.
Do you ask your wife to do things with just you and then things with just you and the kids? Is it possible SHE feels neglected and thinks you don't care if she is there or not? I only ask as you didn't give a lot to go on. Good luck to you and I hope you all work this out.
2007-02-02 17:46:53 · answer #5 · answered by 8 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Women are close with thier mothers. I don't see anything wrong with a mom buying her daughter a valentines day gift.
When your wife is home do you pay attention to her or do you ignore her and take her forr granted? This may be why she goes to her moms so much.
2007-02-02 17:14:30 · answer #6 · answered by Katie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dear...there should not be any problem if yr wife meets your mother-in-law more frequently........
Why don't you ask the reason to yr wife directly....
I think something very important is lacking in yr relationship....n...dat thing could be the TRUST.....
Your wife is having more trust on her mother,she may not be able to talk to you openly or open-heartly......
The other thing could be- yr wife thinks dat her mother needs more support be it mental or any other type, dats y c meets her so frequently.......
So....don't worry.......use the time which u get wit yr wife in a more interactive n passionate way...everything will go in rite direction.....
Have a nice time ahead.....
2007-02-02 17:25:19 · answer #7 · answered by ashuatjaipur 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure there are more issues involved than just going to her mothers. If you have children maybe her mother helps more than you do. Why don't you just ask her?
2007-02-02 17:24:03 · answer #8 · answered by Jan G 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think of so if the spouse is mom to his babies. If the husband does not appreciate the trip why might the babies. they regularly want help to make a present day, purchase a present day, or in simple terms bypass out to dinner. i think of it somewhat is necessary.
2016-12-17 08:24:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mother and daughter's love, dont compare it with yours.
2007-02-02 17:14:10 · answer #10 · answered by pellmell 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋