My 1 year old son is too attached?

Question

Ever since my son was born I have been with him 24/7, except for a few occasions where I would leave him with my husband or mother for a few hours. It's usually just me and my son all day. I was never able to get anything done durring the day because I would constantly be palying or holding my son, but it's getting too much. Now that he walks, as soon as I leave the room, to go to the bathroom or kitchen he follows me and wants me to pick him up. He gets mad when he sees me doing anything that doesn't involve him eg. talking on the phone, using computer, watching tv. All those things are pretty much off limits while he is awake. How do I get him to play by himself, and not be so attached? He wont even go to his dad.

Answer 1

Well, I would start by leaving him home with your husband for a few hours on the weekend. Maybe run your errands and do your shopping at this time. Make it a regular thing, not just an occasional thing. And gradually increase the time you're gone by going out for lunch and a movie with a friend. And through the week, have grandma come over, say every Tuesday night while you go visit your sister (or whoever) for a few hours.

Get your son used to being with others and he will learn not to be solely dependent upon you. Plus, as a stay-at-home mom myself, I recommend getting away for some "you" time once in awhile. It will be good for the both of you.

Answer 2

Wow been there done that...I have been a stay at home mom and i can relate....two things helped me the most I found another child his age and we had him come over and play having another person his size around changed my sons focus. Also I had my children about 18 months apart and when my second son was around my other sone was a very hands on big brother and the boys are still close. Also, I learned that its ok to let a child have a tantrum, get mad, and not get his way. Life is never fair and its important for a child to learn his place in life and know that he can't always have everything his way. You know what else....this attention will probably not last forever....my boys are 6 and 8 now. While they do love me they don't always want me to brush their hair help them get derssed or fix them reakfast. They grow up too fast...enjoy it. Ps our Dr was helpful when i had a question about such things.One more thing....if this is your first born....I did not want to give up the power i had of being the only caregiver. I t took me awhile to let my husband be more involved in my sons life....so maybe you need to step back and rethink how you are dealing with the situation. It helped me and i have no regrets.Also you might check out if there are any mommy groups in your area who meet and play with their babies.

Answer 3

Really normal at this age. Until they are a bit older, babies don't even understand that their mothers and themselves are two people, not one person. They really don't have the mental equipment just yet to understand that you guys are not the same person, isn't that amazing?

But also, yes, now is the time to start teaching him a bit of independence. You do need to leave him with a carer for a couple of hours several times a week. It will teach him that, Hey, mummy went away but I was ok! And she came back like she said she would! Learning this makes a child more confident.
It's unrealistic to expect him to play by himself at this age, I assure you. Some kids will, some kids - esp boys - won't at this young age. Keep playing with him and try to alter your expectations a little to reflect what's really happening, not what you think should be happening. No-one's judging you and your son sounds completely normal, but certainly do work on leaving him with someone good and encouraging him to let you do the things you have to do.

Answer 4

You need too change the way you are thinking. Enjoy the time together and involve the baby in your chores. My boy is 5 and he has never been in daycare. I havent worked since I have had him and we went through the separation anxiety as well. You cant spoil a baby by hugging them. Be sure to have stimulating toys available and music. All kids react to music. Be it from the radio or get some music making toys. If nothing else give him pots and pans and wooden spoons. My kids all loved those and would play with those for a long time. Good Luck and remember one day he will grow up and wont want to be with you all the time.....

Answer 5

It's normal, my daughter went through that phase, but it was worse because I am a single parent. I had to try and do everything while she was taking a nap. When she got about 11 months she started to really like cartoons, especially Dora the Explorer and Curious George, so when I wanted some adult time I would put on a video and relax. Maybe you can find something that your son likes to watch on TV and a game he likes to play and he won't follow you around anymore. Enjoy this time though, because now that my daughter is 18 months, she barely wants Mommy to do anything with or for her.

Answer 6

I think that this is pretty normal. My son did something very similar. He is trying to understand his world and you are an intregal part of it. Start getting him involved in games and toys and then stand back and let him take over. Also, when you need private time, go in the bathroom and lock the door. It's really okay if he cries or even has a tantrum and for heaven's sake, don't give in to them! He needs to understand that there are appropriate moments when you are gone and when you are there. You're coming out in a minute anyhow, right? Mostly, hang in there. Kids go through funny phases and he'll grow out of this one too.

Answer 7

Ahh, I have this same problem. Try to encourage him to play on his own a bit during the day. Maybe you could leave him with his father for a half day on the weekend and take some time to do something for yourself. (Sounds like you deserve it!)
My daughters pediatrician told me this is quite normal. Some children are just high needs. They are very attached. He said if they want to be held, then hold them. It makes them feel secure. If they feel secure now, then they will be more independent later. (This is what her dr said) So, that is what I do. He better be right! Anyway, I know what you are going through. I wish I had some better suggestions for you. But, if it gets to a point where you feel you need some time for yourself, put him down and take care of yourself! Sometimes, I tell my daughter that if she wants me then she can sit on my lap.

Good luck!

Answer 8

Well, you could try hiring a babysitter. but that might not work because he loves you too much. If he will not even go to his dad, then he sounds a little spoiled. You have to ignore him purposely but at the same time keep an eye on him. OH, why'd you have to ask such a hard question? I guess you have to find some way of teaching him to not be around you all the time, even if he does not like it. Sorry. I"m all out of ideas. Hope I could be of help.

Answer 9

Buy him games for his room, or just say no. I know sometimes it seems mean but you need sanity also. This is where I had to learn that you are a woman...not just a mommy. Say no to the attention sometimes. Your probably the one who's attached, not him. Leace cartoons on, or try enrolling him in a preschool. If you cant afford it try head start. or a part time sitter 3 days a week just to give your self a break, and let him see new surroundings.

Good luck!

Answer 10

My firstborn was like that too and it's not that horrible :) He's still too young to play by himself for any extended period of time so don't expect that just yet. Do you belong to any mom's groups where they have scheduled playdates with kids the same age? Or have you tried taking to Mommy and Me classes so he gets used to interacting with other kids? My oldest was stuck to me like glue and better enjoy it now while your son's little cuz by the time they're in school all day, you'll miss having their little arms around you. :) Oh, and have hubby spend more time with your son so he doesn't rely on you so much. Have him take your son to the park. Walk around outside. Anything so that the "guys" have more bonding time.