My husband told me?

Question

that he still finds his ex (who he said jhe just used for sex)attractive. He had lied to me about it before saying that he didnt think she was attractive, but recently he admitted that he had been attracted to her and that he still thinks so. Im mad because he lied in the 1st place and he said he did it to not make me feel bad or whatever. Plus i feel so jealous...what should I do

Answer 1

*** spend the night with me

Answer 2

Men are men. They just aren't as sensitive with words as women. Plus, he did the right thing telling you he didn't find her attractive. You know why? Because it would have hurt your feelings if he told you the opposite, which it obviously has now. Why would he have told you that, anyway, now? Did you ask him, or pester him in any way about it? Men fumble with words, trust me.. it's a typical guy thing. And women don't always make it easy either, lol, also trust me on that. Sometimes it's a damned if you do, damned if you don't thing.. Firstly, feeling jealous on your part is totally normal. But you can't let it get the best of you. If you're secure in your relationship, and his love for you, then why should it bother you? If you feel insecure, then you know in your gut if your man is worth trusting in the first place. If he's not, maybe it's time to move on, and it's better that you realized that now. However, if you know deep down that the whole issue is more of an issue for YOU than for him, then give the guy a break! If you had an attractive ex (and if you're not at all attracted to someone, why would you date them in the first place?), and you saw him years later and he was STILL attractive, then you too would be attracted to him. That just means you think he's good looking, it doesn't mean you'd go out and screw the guy again! Right? Anyway, you know in your heart whether or not this guy is a keeper.. go from there, and if he is, give him a break! Guys like for women to be their best friends.. keep that in mind too. Good luck in whatever you do! :o)

Answer 3

Seems like it's a big problem if ya'll set around talking about it so frequently. As long as nothing is going on between them & you trust him, then don't worry about it. If he's the type of guy who may cheat, well you may have a problem. You do have to realize that BOTH guys and girls think other people besides their significant others are attractive. It's just natural. Just because you are with someone doesn't mean you don't notice what other people look like & appreciate a sexy girl or guy. You are with the person you are with because you love them for some reason or another, just like he's not with the ex because of some reason. Did you ask if he wants to be with her? Do you bug him about it all the time? That could make him want to see what he's missing with her.

Answer 4

Your reaction is natural but what do you want him to do?

In order for him to have been with her, for sex or whatever, he MUST have found her attractive. Surely you must have known that? I mean- if he DID just "use" her for sex then doubly so!

And if you have found out because he is being honest with you then I'd be tempted to think he feels strongly about YOU and feels safe enough in YOUR relationship to admit this. Especially if he held it back from you before so as to not make you jealous.

What should you do? You need to tell him how rotten you now feel about his admission (why DID he "confess" now? In an argument or just like that?) and how you DO feel jealous. And you need to deal with it in a mature fashion- NOTHING HAS CHANGED due to the admission. You are still you, he is still with you, she is still the same person she was the day before and NOT in his life and that is really all there is to it.

Yes, you will smart from this (I smarted for quite a while when my first ever boyfriend succumbed to this older woman I used to joke about having a "thing" for him... She got him and so we split up but I was SO annoyed that he kept telling me that she was an old crone and that he was not interested and I was RIGHT all along because when my back was turned he didn't resist!) because you feel you have competition and, perhaps, to a lesser degree you feel cheated.

But- you have not been cheated. He didn't not tell you to HURT you. He did what he did (before) to NOT hurt you. That is a positive (need to see the positives here!), surely?

DO you have competition? I cannot say. Is he wanting to follow up on his feelings for attraction to her? IS she available to him? Has he said he feels MORE attracted to her than to you?

I think that if YOU felt confident in yourself as an attractive person married to a man who is capable of feeling attraction to women beyond yourself you would be happier.

My man fancies the pants off Heather Locklear but, as you can imagine, I am not in the slightest bit worried. Hehe- she is a crone by comparison and she is MILES away. LOL!

So- be positive and love yourself and he will too! Which IS what you want, right?

Answer 5

He married her. He found her attractive at some point. He married you. Hopefully he finds you attractive. He lied before to spare your feelings. I cannot stand my ex-wife to this day, but I can still consider her attractive. I don't really think about it, but then again...guys don't really think about it. Women are attractive or they are not (enter whole 'beauty is in the eye' thing). In my case, my ex is horribly disfigured on the inside and that makes a difference. Recognizing beauty is one of the perks of being alive. You're not (entirely) mad because he lied to you, you're mad because you think he thinks of her when he's with you. That is another issue and more than likely ...you are not right.

Answer 6

well its sort of in the past.. he cant take back what he did and he cant take back a lie, but he told you the truth because he's your husband. i think he's just trying to make mends before it's too late to tell you and ends up being a big dillema when he does. i know it hurts, but he's your husband so maybe just let him off on this one.. trust him just a little bit more and be happy he told yuo (i mean, you guys ARE married and its all about telling each other everything right?.. well part of it anyway..)

i cant really say coz im not married myself hehe, but yeh.. just have some trust and if things get a little more awkward maybe it's time you told him how u feel and if he still doesnt get that you dont like the idea, then .. take bigger steps... (i shalt not say nothing else)

good luck! =]

Answer 7

I can understand he not admitting he found her attractive, one sees something in a girl/women desireable/attractive at one point or another, but for him to bring it up now and admit to it is alittle unusual, could he have said that to upset you on purpose. As for what you should do, that would be nothing. You must always have the self confidence to not allow situations like this change who you are within. you have a right to be upset...let him know and then let it go...if it keeps coming up, your husband has the problem.

Answer 8

Get unjealous, for whatever reason you are still wifey and she is a gone and done deal unless you lose sight of the prize my dear.

Bottom line: Any one can lay up with a man but a man has to love you to make you wifey. Now go do that voodo that you do so well girlfriend and put it on him so good.(Let the past stay there and keep making new skeletons in yall's closet with your gift girl make him scream yah name.)

Answer 9

jealousy is the worst thing to have in a relationship, and u really need to avoid it. ok your husband lied to u, but ask yourself how many times have u lied to him?? whether it was a little lie or not its still a lie, we forgive and 4get. but i think u should really talk to your husband and let him know that it bothers u that he still thinks that his ex is attractive. i know that makes u feel like he thinks shes better lookin than u and it makes u a little angry, but u really need to get past that and talk to him about it, itll get rid of the jealousy and let your hubbie know that he should watch wat he says around u. talkin about things that bother u to your spouse always helps a relationship stay open a strong.

Answer 10

Nothing much. You and your husband are bound to be attracted to people and its ok because its not cheating unless youre having sex with another person. Try to get him to stop lying though. And dont be jealous, he's YOUR husband, not hers.

Answer 11

Did you try asking him what he thinks of you? Cos even if he finds her attractive, he might find you even more attractive. Give it time, and c what he says!
If he doesnt appreciate you.. ask him why? Ask him, if he wants you or not? Because,even if he doesnt find u as attractive, your personality may wash away her looks.
Good luck =)