I am a Guy Who RARELY Tells Anyone That I Have Depression?

Question

I am over 45 years old.

I have a very sold education. And, I had a very respectable career.

Then my father died. Over the next few years, I lost 4 of my most important relatives to cancer.

I went into depression that I have yet to shake. I have been on disability for a handful of years. Financially, we are ok.

On the bright side, I am married to a wonderful woman and have children who own my heart.

We live in a nice area. But, I almost NEVER tell anyone that I have depression. I'm sure they wonder why I don't work. My children (under 10) don't fully understand why their dad, who had a great career, no longer works. But, they do love the time I have for them.

I have openly talked about my depression only with a few guys, who typically I have known for at least 5 or more years.



I am so afraid that people will view me and my family in a negative light. I feel "guilty" and am afraid that my family will suffer.

Do you have any advice??

Answer 1

dont buy a gun

Answer 2

Yep. Sorry to hear about the tough situaions.

Here's what I suggest though I suggest that you think about it too.

1) Prayer is good. Ask God to give you strength.

2) You sound like you are getting treatment. That is always good since professional help is important.

3) Keep positive. When depressed, your mind knows what youi are capable of and so it anticipates what you can be. Keep that up. Let your mind focus on the great person that you are. Stir those memories in you and let them guide your mind back to fullness.

4) Get out of the house a couple of times a week. You need to go out to museums, art shows, etc. This will help to stimulate your mind and propel it forward.

5) Take walks in the park daily.

6) Have someone that you can talk to. It seems that talking is a very good way to bear depression. If your wife can't listen to you always, find someone else like mom or dad. Don't wear them down but talk with them so that you can release what is in you.

7) I would not tell all my friends that I was depressed. Some of them just want fodder for gossip. Talk about it with people who care about you and that's it. Even some relatives are unkind with such details.

8) Exercise a lot.

Answer 3

Believe me...I'm younger but I have been in a situation like this. I was diagnosis with depression as a pre-teen after my mother past away. My father raised me after that and he was a respected person in the community (very high management job) and he was scared to death that someone would find out I think some times are best to keep within the family depending on how open minded and educated the person or persons are that you may want to tell. If they are educated on the subject..then probably would be okay but where I lived in a small rural town the people did not have a clue about depression and the seriousness of of. Good Luck and I wish you all the luck in the world...just look into those children's eyes when you are in doubt.

Answer 4

I hope that, at least, your wife knows. As far as the children--you can just tell them that you have a medical reason for not working.

There is no longer stigma attached to depression (or any other illness of the mind). People from all walks of life go to psychiatrists, therapists, etc. Therefore, there is no need to feel guilty--or that your family will be viewed negatively.

It is not anyone's business why you don't work. If you want to tell people, that's fine. If you don't, you could just say that you are working online from your home OR that all the deaths in your family have put you under a great deal of stress. I'm sorry to hear about that--anyone would become depressed--or much worse.

Take care of yourself :)

Answer 5

My advice is you are OK. You seem anxious about the fact that you can not share your losses with other people...I have a friend who lost 5 family members in 5 year..everybody knows and
listens to the stories. Start doing things, get angry and brake some pencils..go through the motions. After a depression this is kind of a normal behavior and do not get stuck and move on. Show your children your other side. In the meantime do EFT emotional Freedom Technique and be grateful for your beautiful family. Courage to you.

Answer 6

I have dealt with long term depression myself;it can be a struggle. However there is NOTHING to be ashamed of. I would suggest seeking treatment of some kind, and maybe even an in person depression support group. It may let you know that your not alone, because your not. Furthermore, I applaud you for coming forward and sharing your story; THAT WAS A VERY COURAGEOUS THING TO DO! As for your neighbors,its really none of their concern,besides if they are the type of people who would judge you for that, are they really people you want to associate with? You, and everyone in the world deserves to have people around them that uplift them not hold them back or disrespect them,through shallow judgments. Last but not least, it sounds like you have a amazing wife and family that would support and appreciate your honesty, so that they can be there when and how you need it. I'm going to keep you in my prayers, don't give up! Please feel free to email me, if you ever need a stranger to vent to. Namaste Take care of yourself!

Answer 7

Depression is a real condition and should be treated professionally. There are a lot of things that can help you. You shouldn't feel guilty. It's an imbalance, just like other physical imbalances in the body. With help, you may find that you're able to go back to work and do a lot of the things that you enjoyed doing before. You've already taken a good start -- you've acknowledged that good in your life (wife, children) and have found your reason to keep moving forward. Go with that and good luck on your journey!

Answer 8

In this great big world you are not the only one that suffers from depression. So, I would say first of all don't worry about what anyone's view of you might be. It sounds like you have a supportive wife by your side and children who love you unconditionally. Take the first step and go see a therapist. I did and it helps to have some one to talk to that is out side the box, ya know what I mean. For me when I started talking to a therapist it helped me and everything just started falling in place. l hope I've helped .

Answer 9

Are you taking appropriate medication? If not, see a physician. Depression is a disease, not a character flaw. If your leg was broken, would you feel guilty? No. So your heart is broken, do what you need to do to get it fixed.
Depression is a illness that is rarely understood by those who have not experienced it. I had a difficult time a couple of years ago. You know that saying, the lights are on but nobody's home? Depression is like you're home but you don't have the energy to turn the lights on.
Don't give in to the guilt. Insist on getting proper medical care.

Answer 10

I'm afraid I don't have advice, but I can assure you that you aren't alone. My depression took over my life as well, and I'm on disability. My children are 10, 12, & 13. They understand, but I worry they may not realize the responsibilty they will need for them to have successful careers. I wish you lots of luck and my prayers are with you and your family.

Answer 11

First do not feel guilty. You should talk to your wife and explain to her that you are depressed. It might be difficult but you will feel better. Second, talk to your doctor, he or she can prescribe medicine that can help. Or if you do not want to take medication find a psychologist, and he or she can help you get past your depression. Do NOT be ashamed to ask for help, and remember no one besides your family or trusted friends have to know, because doctors and therapist can not tell anyone anything about you. Also, a lot of people are diagnosed with depression and a lot of people ask for help or see therapist to get help.
Good luck and I hope you get better.