i had a friend whose daughter was mentaly disable since birth,which i did not know untill i had my kid. i was very unaware about kids and whatever i said infront of her about my kid she took it very badly but never told me on my face. she could be very angry but did not tell me. i was a very naive person and ocassinaly said stupid things too. now for some reason we moved out and we are not in touch. but i know she spread the words about me that i am a very heartless person who like to laught and make fun of other kids.now it is 4 years now and we changed 4 schools becouse of moving, rumour about me going every where. my son's friend's parents thinks about me how she thinks.i asked for oppologies but she is not opening about what i did.i am very dipressed and do not know what to do.my husband do not think that she is doing this and not helping out.please advise me what to do.please note i never said anything intionally.
2007-02-02 13:01:21 · 6 answers · asked by silkartdesign 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I am assuming the disability is mild and did not have a physical manifestation, or even a naive person as you (and many of us are) would have seen it....
a friend as good as you describe probably said nothing at all... and either you or both of you are being manipulated by someone else close enough to have been jealous while you were always around... it is a little far fetched, but if you are getting no response? and your husband does not believe this of your friend... and she is as good a friend? it is possible...
I would sit and write her.. poor it all out.. start with the fact that you never saw her daughter as disabled or you would have certainly made every effort to make sure she did not take anything said the wrong way.... now IF you cracked some sort of insensitive remarks about disabled people, unknowingly around someone who would be very sensitive to what would be seen as a biased against or prejudice toward disabled? you will have to let her know that you did not intend it like that.. and if cruel? you may have lost your friend... I know I would be hyper-sensitive to any remarks if I had a child with a disability.. and if ever I thought another could not have heart enough? I would most certainly pull away.... I would however be willing to hear a friend out always... so... whatever it is that transpired? you need to write if she won't take calls or see you... and spill out your hurt, apologies and do what you can to make amends....
hope this helps...
goodluck
2007-02-02 13:31:00 · answer #1 · answered by elusive_001 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Even if you never said it intentionally, I'm sure it hurt even more for her to know that this is how you feel about disabled people. To say that you wouldn't have said it 'had you known' is even worse. You have a choice about your actions, and your previous actions definitely reflect poorly. She sounds like a saint if she never once got angry at you, I would have ripped any acquaintance (much less a friend) a new one if they had talked about any person with disrespect, regardless as in reference to disability, race, gender or religion.
The only thing you can do is write a letter, not demanding an apology or making excuses. All you can say is that the things you said and did in the past were ignorant and that you have matured. Apologize and say that you miss being her friend, and ask her to call you if she wants to try again. If she wants to, she'll call. If she doesn't want to, all you can do is suck it up, and prove to your new friends that you aren't that person anymore.
2007-02-02 22:55:24 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry,but how did you not know about the childs disability???If you had known the kid since birth to my understanding and you've been best friends.There is bads on both ends you never knew and she never told you.Yet I still dont understand how you didnt know that the child was meantly disabled even if you hadnt been around kids much you have been through years of school and you've lived in the real world...Sorry but I think its on your bad but she has her bads for saying stuff about you shes not making herself look good at all either!
2007-02-02 21:08:15 · answer #3 · answered by *** 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are going to have to pay the price for being naive and inconsiderate, even if everyone else doesn't understand. I'm so sorry. But now you know that you need to move on and make up for what you said. Show now that you've learned and that you care. Tell your friend that, if that's possible. I hope things get better for you!
PS Did you know that Jesus underwent much more than any of us? See this link for details: http://www.christianity.com/WhatIsChristianity/. Read everything!
2007-02-02 21:12:55 · answer #4 · answered by mtngrl 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Maybe you can talk to people and tell them the situation, try starting a playdate to meet some other women so they can get to know you. Women are terrible about rumors and they spread like wildfire when no one puts a stop to them.
2007-02-02 21:06:57 · answer #5 · answered by jzgermany 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, obviously you aren't very bright. So you could probably use that as an excuse.
2007-02-02 22:30:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋