My daughter is 5, how can I have her talk to me about anything without being afraid I might get mad?

Question

I want to have an open relationship with my daughter who is 5 because I know how it is to not be open with eachother me and my mother never had an open conversation I was too scared to what she would say, I want to be able to talk to my daughter about boys and you know the girly things but sometimes I think she might be scared to tell me. How can I be open with her? I want to start from the very beginning before its too late. Thank you

Answer 1

Great Question, Just always keep the lines of communication open. Talk to her about everything. Never get mad when she tells you something you may not want to hear. Try and guide her instead. I am a very strict mom, however when my daughters and I are just have general conversation, and they admit to breaking one of my rules, I'll just ask them what they could have done differently. If I don't like that answer, I'll explain very calmly what she should have done, and why. However I would give them props for telling me. Now If I find out on my own, that's a different story.

All in all, just keep talking away.

Good Luck

Answer 2

From the time my daughter was 18 months old (shes 17 now) when I put her in the tub I would tell her "NOBODY TOUCHES YOU THERE" and I would tell her you can tell me ANYTHING. If you want to know something ASK ME, I will tell you the truth. Our relationship is very open and while I have been surprised more than once through the years, I know she has come to me on numerous ocassions and asked those questions that sometimes as a parent make you cringe, cry, laugh hysterically, angers the parent, BUT... I wouldn't have it any other way. She is old enough, let her know that you are open to ALL QUESTIONS AND CONVERSATION!......

Answer 3

Avoid lectures, especially at five. Listen and ask questions, but not manipulative questions. Let her set a relaxed and/or playful pace. If she confesses something she did that needs a punishment, tell her you are proud she told the truth, but still give her a punishment and tell her how it is milder than it would have been. Be sure to follow it up with hugs and love.

Also, tell her she can have 30-60 minutes of your undivided attention every day where you do whatever SHE wants. This might be cleaning her room, but usually my daughter wants to play games or do handcrafts. It's time where she's in charge and very receptive to questions I ask about what's going on with her. I try to keep it conversational and casual, and wow, does she open up. Try to be consistent and avoid interruptions that may make her feel insecure or less important to you.

Good luck. It sounds like you have a very good concern.

Answer 4

Good question.

It's important to be as honest as possible with your daughter and never give her cause to feel ashamed about that which is perfectly natural. Don't use cutesy names for reproductive parts. Just be honest.

How much she trusts you will largely depend on how you treat her in the future. Too many parents are more concerned with punishing their children when they mess up rather than educating them and helping them when they need help. Treat your daughter with respect. Whether she is 5 or 50, she is still a person. If you respect her as a person, I'll guarantee you that she'll appreciate it. She'll also learn to have more respect for herself and show respect towards others.

Answer 5

If you don't want her to think you'll get mad...don't get mad when she tells you stuff. I know it sounds impossible...but you have to try. You can say "I'm not very happy about that, but you're a smart girl and you understand why, right?". Just have a conversation, even if you two disagree, if you are always willing to talk it out, she'll be upset, but she'll understand where you're coming from.

Me and my mom are extremly close, and I know I can talk to her about anything because she never blows up about stupid stuff. She picks the important stuff to stick to her guns, and she gives a little slack where she can.

Answer 6

You just have to talk about things that are appropriate for her now and make sure if she tells you anything you don't make a big deal out of it. Be understanding if she makes mistakes. If she tells you something hold off on making a big deal about it. Even if you secretly are horrified or disgusted about something hide it and remain "intellectual" and reasonable.

Remember one thing, though: There is a point where it is a child's respect for her parents and wish not to disappoint them or her wish not to have them think less of her that makes all kids hide things they do or think here or there. By virtue of that solid relationship between the child and parent, a child is going to feel the need to keep some things to herself.

When your daughter gets older talk about everything, but talk about it in a removed kind of way that isn't too graphic. It is possible to get the message/ideas across without making the child feel too uncomfortable because of the boundaries they feel shouldn't be crossed.

Parents have to try to share their values with their children because if they don't their children are essentially left to raise themselves when it comes to figuring out values. By sharing our values, though, what we do is make our children aware of what our standards are, so if they don't meet those standards they are very likely to hide things from us. If a parent doesn't attempt to share/pass on values, though, what they can get is a child who comes home and without shame announces, "Hey, Ma. I'm sleeping with the football team." If you tried to share your values with that child she may have been ashamed to share that information with you even if she didn't adopt your values. If you never wanted her to know what your standards are and what you wanted for her you may get the kid who does some horrible thing but who is open about. How can parents win when it comes to wanting "open and honest" communication.

While she is little talk about things like self-respect and acting like a good friend or a nice girl or someone who doesn't do trashy things. Those are the things that she will absorb over the earlier years of her childhood, so even if she doesn't tell you everything when she's older you can at least take some comfort in knowing you raised a girl who - most of the time - makes pretty decent choices.

Finally, your little daughter is only five right now. You are looking ahead to what you want your relationship to be and trying to figure out what to begin doing now to make that happen. It makes sense to try to develop a game plan when it comes to parenting, but as your daughter gets into adolescence and teen years you'll begin to see that the most carefully and well thought out plans on what to do as a parent will need to be revised with each new situation.

One of the biggest guides as to how to keep your relationship with your daughter open and honest and close will be your daughter, herself. You will sense from her when you're saying the right things and when you're not. If you stay close, respect her, and always tell her she should feel free to talk to you chances are your relationship will be what you hope it will be MOST of the time and in MOST ways.

Answer 7

Don't interrogate your child. Instead, do fun activities with them and always let them know that if they have any questions to let you know. Do it in a setting where you are doing some other activity together (cooking, letting her help you with a chore, etc.) and in passing mention it. Ask her questions about how she feels about things and try to relate when you were a kid. Just make sure the conversion is age appropriate. (Imagine the quizzical looks when you say the word sex.)

Answer 8

I totally agree with 'Who Cares!'. Sometimes when you give children examples as you try to explain things to them it makes it easierr for them to understand. Say for instance, one time, you were playing with your friends and you tripped and fell and ripped the knee of the brand new pair of jeans your mom just bought you and told you not to wear until a certain day. And then you were scared to tell, her but she found out anyway and when she did, she said it was okay and bought a patch to patch them up with. By saying something like that, she'll understand that mistakes do happen, but you're her mother and regardless of what she does you'll still love her.

Answer 9

Do you want to be a friend or a parent? If you are going to be a parent, you will make her mad at some point.

But, you can have an honest relationship. Talk to her honestly. Treat her with respect, and respect her opinions.

Answer 10

tell your daughter she can come to you for anything and can talk to you about anything and there is nothing to be afraid of. your her parent, your job is to shelter her, protect her,bathe,feed, educate her until she finds a good job when she graduates high school or college. comfort her make her feel safe when she comes to you like have a long discussion about whats going on at school etc.