My mum and I have always had a tight relationship untill recently. I've hit my teenage years and I've just been a little crazy. She sees it as treason twards her. I'm not trying to hurt her, but every time I try to talk to her about it, she won't listen and takes anything I say as back talk. All I'm trying to do is have a conversation, you know, two people. Please, how do I talk to her without her flipping out on me?
2007-02-02 11:05:11 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Most parents keep blowing off the whole idea that they will be parents of an adult far longer than they will be parents of a child. Remind your mom of that. Ask her when she will think of you as an adult, and ask her how she plans to make the transition. If she doesn't know, then suggest that you guys spend some time every week talking as equals. Maybe at a local starbucks or something can be neutral ground. She will not yell at you in public, most probably. During that time you can "practice" for when you are and adult and rank does not matter.
2007-02-02 11:09:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First - watch your body language, including the eye rolls! Oh the volume the body speaks.
Second - its not necessarily what words you are using, but the tone you are using with the words.
From what you are saying it sounds as though there is a bit of an attitude going on and she doesn't like it. Try to remember, you are not her equal, you are still a child. While you may feel you are a grown up, she knows better.
You and your mum can still have a tight relationship. See above for the points. Above all, respect her and her rules.
2007-02-02 11:25:40 · answer #2 · answered by I_Love_Life! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not alone! I would think that everyone to a certain extent goes through this in your teens. I went through a similar situation when I was a teenager with my Mom and we had always been super close as well. Now that I am well into adulthood, we have reconnected and are closer than ever! You have to hang in there and realize that this is a phase, for you and your Mom. You are trying to figure out who you are, what you want out of life, etc, and your Mom is trying to learn how to let go..... Patience is the only thing that saves this kind of relationship! Make sure that you express your respect for her and she might be more willing to listen. You sound very mature and I feel that the two of you are going to see this through..... Good Luck!! :)
2007-02-02 11:14:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Try this... lower your voice to where you are almost whispering.
Believe it or not it has worked for me when someone is yelling at me when I pulled them over for a traffic ticket. It is called mirroring behavior and it can de-escalate the situation. They go from yelling to shout over you, to straining to hear what you say and by concentrating on listening, they lower their volume.
I'm not putting you down for being a teenager, but I have seen where teenagers get stuck in the groove of "not fair" when they aren't getting their way.
I dealt with a lot of very angry teenagers as a cop, and this technnique can work. Does it always work, sadly, no. But you'd be surprised with the results if you do it right.. Gradually lower your voice and see what happens. When 2 people are shouting neither one hears anything except trigger words to make them more angry, I do know that much.
Good luck, I have always said the teenage years are so hard, I would NEVER want to repeat them. My oldest sister and I agree on almost nothing, but we do agree on that.
2007-02-02 11:09:54 · answer #4 · answered by Lt. Dan reborn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try to see if you can set up an "appointment" that the two of you can sit and talk (without interruptions) and tell her how you are feeling. Make sure you don't accuse or say things like "you always" that will put her on the defensive and reduce how much she really hears, use phrases like I feel like you are not listening to me when I try to talk because.................and give her your full attention when she speaks and you may find that she is taking some of the things you do and say the wrong way.
2007-02-02 11:12:37 · answer #5 · answered by irish eyes 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps sign language will work. I know you know a few choice hand motions that will get her attention...it might be negative attention but she will notice.
Short of that...write her a letter telling her how you feel and ask her to sit down with you and have a 2-way conversation about things.
2007-02-02 12:39:17 · answer #6 · answered by westfield47130 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must understand the word respect. as a teen you have not
lived long enough or experienced certain life issues to be a mature equal to your parent , thats why when you speak to her consider what she has to deal with on a day to day basis as a person, that has to multi task life and war with a teen.
2007-02-02 11:15:28 · answer #7 · answered by Tennessee Mom 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Pick your time, wait until you see she is in a happy frame of mind and tell her you would like to have a talk to her about something important. Tell her you love her and would value her thougths on how you were feeling.
2007-02-02 11:08:27 · answer #8 · answered by smilingtalker_au 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
most people that don't listen feel they are not being listened to either....listen to her and let her have her full say ...and then speak. This is a 2 way street...you must listen to be heard.
2007-02-02 11:27:41 · answer #9 · answered by Cadman1965 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
what you do is to start talking, and then leave her hanging. depending on how much of a pushover your mum is, it may take longer, but her curiosity will eventually bring her around.
moms are tough, but youll get used to it.
2007-02-02 11:09:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋