My boyfriend of 6 years has bi-polar. He is admitted to the hospital once a year because of his manic episodes. I feel that he does not make a conscious effort to try to stop the cycle. ie. visit psychiatrist once a week, write a daily log of events, feelings, medications, excercise, eat healthy e.t.c. I try to organize and help him through but in the end isn't it up to him to make the effort. I left him because sometimes I feel I am enabling him and not helping at all. Can habits really change? He wants to work things out...what would you do?
2007-02-02 10:26:37 · 8 answers · asked by tredaze 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
As a helathcare provider I agree with you that he MUST decide that he wants to be OK. You cannot do it for him. If you are enabling him to not bear the responsibilty that is his, then in your efforts you are doing him no good. You sound like a giving person and although I encourage you in your positive efforts I recommend that you pay at least as much attention to your own well being. If you are feeling that you are coming out on the short end of the deal, you probably are. To help a person with a mental illness, in particular, you must know when to assist and when to draw limits. To be supportive is not to be leaned on...but to make leaning unnecessary as the goal.
2007-02-02 10:56:54 · answer #1 · answered by tlbrown42000 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have a very good grasp on the situation, and I agree with you. I think you ARE enabling him. Loving someone with any type of illness is difficult. You have to ask yourself a couple of questions:
1) Do you love him enough to continue to live this way?
2) Do you have the time and energy to devote helping him change?
3) What would your life be like without him?
You are responsible first for yourself (not him). You are not married to him, so you've not made a lifetime commitment. It takes a very strong person to handle a situation like this. But, no relationship is perfect, there will always be hurdles to maneuver with anyone you are with. You'll have to decide if he (with his illness) are right for you.
I think the answer lies with "love". Is there enough love to work this out? If you truly believe that he is your soul mate and you cannot see yourself living without him, then stay and choose this path (however difficult it may be). If you choose to stay, you'll be smart to get couples therapy directly relating to his bi-polar syndrome.
Only you know what is in your heart, if the love isn't there, then it isn't. You can't help that. Take a good, long look at him, yourself, your heart, and your possible futures. Then you'll know.
I wish you the best.
2007-02-02 10:46:17 · answer #2 · answered by artistagent116 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bi polar disorder is the second most difficult mental illness to treat and highly misunderstood. You are absolutely right to think he has to want to take care of himself and that it's not your cross to bear. I have bi-polar and I live a pretty normal life and work in the mental health field. It took a long time though before I found the right combination of meds and therapy so he shouldn't quit. Hopefully, like me, he'll get tired of the cycling and really seek help. Let's hope it's sooner than later.
2007-02-02 10:43:57 · answer #3 · answered by rick m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bipolar is a tricky one, I know..I have it. You have to understand that we don't know that we are on our way up or down ... as quickly as the people in our lives see it happening.
When we start going up...we just feel GOOD and want to hold onto it.
As for keeping logs...I don't think I would do that either... the only thing I can manage to keep organized MOST of the time is my meds.
If his having this disorder is too much for you to handle... don't go back, you are just hurting both of you, you'll be fighting in no time over these organization things... time to move on.
2007-02-02 10:42:48 · answer #4 · answered by running2adream 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Bi polar runs in our family and it is hard to understand. The mood swings are intense and recognized by others, but not always by the people with the disease. Some people can control their symptoms and others need medication. My brother has to take meds or he goes crazy! His wife said if he ever goes off his meds then she will leave him. So I understand why you left. It is alot for anyone to deal with. Sometimes there is nothing anyone can do. I hope he gets help - sounds like he needs it. Good luck! Don't blame yourself - it is a bad disorder and he may not be able to help it with professional help and he has to be the one to decide to seek help.
2007-02-02 10:36:28 · answer #5 · answered by Kitt 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My sister is bipolar and i feel that she handle it fine when she is on medication, and she is getting married and they have problems every once in awhile but she works it out. She doesn't write a daily log of events or anything, just takes the medication. Try to get your bf to do one thing not all at once.
2007-02-02 10:34:41 · answer #6 · answered by FairestOfThemAll 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
yes its up to him he needs to know his own body and mind med only do about 10% you may remind him to take his meds but the rest is up to him to know his stresses and i have been doing this for years for myself and i had to teach my son and now i can't do it for my son he has to do it for himself he will go into the hospital from time to time but that time will get to be longer and longer and he needs to work with the doc only he knows how he feels you don't even though you want to
2007-02-02 14:43:25 · answer #7 · answered by firecracker9922 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wife is bi-polar and sometimes the situation is unbearable, but we endure nonetheless. It sounds like you wanted to leave him anyway. Did you really feel you were hurting him by staying with him?
2007-02-02 10:35:47 · answer #8 · answered by hansblix222 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋