My neice lost her mommy ( my sister in law) a year ago this valentines day. She is 4 years old now and takes it rather well. She knows her mommy is in heavan and knows she can still talk to her and watch over her, however I plan to take her to the gavesite on that day and I was wondering if anyone knew of any ideas what she could make or take for her mother. Such as letter, other than flowers? Please help I want this to be memorable for her.
2007-02-02 10:07:29 · 12 answers · asked by Heather A 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
I worked in healthcare for over 10 years, part of that in hospice where we had a great program for children of all ages who lost a loved one. I would re-evaluate taking her to the gravesite as she really doesn't understand the concept of burial. If mommy's in heaven why are you telling me she's under dirt here? I agree with the poster who stated she should make a little scrapbook of everything important to her this year and do this every year in addition to a picture or something she wanted to draw and leave it at that. You can save these things for her yearly and when she's older give them back to her. I understand your need to visit the grave, it's important, but until your niece is older, you may be opening up more issues, especially if she sees you getting too upset (which I know I would). Plus, the odds of her remembering much of anything except her mother's grave in the future are next to nothing. I would contact one of your local hospices as they have a lot of services available on grief counseling, often times at no charge and they can give you some direction. Some even have workshops for the children, whether their families were patients or not. Often times they do a joint project for everyone participating - like a quilt - or ceramic item - or they have a ceremony in the summer where they let butterflies or dragonflies free, very moving and touching. You are to be commended for trying so hard to do the right thing and your heart really is in the right place. The other thing I would suggest that will mean a lot in the future is to compile a journal about her mother. Everything you can possibly remember from any crazy hairstyles, different situations and how she handlded them, did she swear when she got mad, did she have a purse for every outfit, her wedding day, your neice's birth, places your sister in law lived, anything at all, as someday this is something that can be passed down so her children know something about their grandmother. You get the idea!
2007-02-02 15:08:32 · answer #1 · answered by Cash 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. Help her decorate a frame or buy a nice frame and have her put a picture of her or a picture of the both of them together in it, that she likes.
2. She could draw her a picture and put in a plastic photo album cover so it won't get damaged.
3. Draw her a picture book of something she did in the past year that she really enjoyed and tell her about it.
4. Make her an angel or a cross with her name on it and decorate it.
5. If you know, or she knows, something that her mother really liked and was her favorite, you could make it or buy it and take it to her as a little 'gift'. Like if she likes teddy bears, you could get a kit and the both of you could put it together and decorate it or you could have her pick one out at the store and take it.
I hope these help. She may want to make her mom something or get her something special she thinks she will like. You could try asking her to see what she wants to do, or surprise her and have her make something with you or by herself to take.
2007-02-02 18:26:12 · answer #2 · answered by kaiyas_mom07 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd do exactly what you've done here, but with this little girl. She's apparently taking it well, why can't you ask her what she'd like to do? Maybe she's uncomfortable going? Maybe she wants to bring/plant flowers? Honestly, I wouldn't just go and bring a small child (mine is 3) - or anyone - to her passed Mother's grave without sitting her down and asking her. She's a person too, she deserves the option of coming up with her own feelings and ideas.
Good luck and I'm sorry for your loss.
2007-02-02 18:16:01 · answer #3 · answered by Smitty 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have my sympathy for your loss, but at 4 years old she really doesn't know what's going on with a visit to the cemetary. Those visits are really for the adults. But if you have to put her thru this, a simple valentine will suffice. let her color on it so that it is personal. Help her write "I love you, Mommy" on it. Be sure to give her lots of hugs and tell her that they are from her mommy.
2007-02-02 18:26:48 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can ask her to prepare a special drawing, maybe a drawing of herself and her father or just a picture of herself. Tell her that getting such a drawing would make her mother happy because she hasnt seen her since a whole year. your niece can take her dearest toy along so as to introduce it to her mum. if she is going to school maybe she can take a working sheet with a star on it, or an excellent comment. tell her that it will always make her mother proud of her to see how good she is. ...good luck!
2007-02-02 18:25:50 · answer #5 · answered by emo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A valentines day card will be lovely
I might not make big deal of it
I was ten when my mom died. It was the last day of school
When the last of school came, it was always sad. It was when my mom died
My husband died December 20, when my daughter was 2. My daughter is not six. I am glad she was to young to remember the funeral on December 23. She will never be sad around Christmas.
Good luck
Take care of your niece
2007-02-02 18:20:04 · answer #6 · answered by Halo Mom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A picture of the daughter pasted on a red colored paper heart to lay next to the grave site..maybe with some flower drawings on the heart or stickers..
2007-02-02 18:18:33 · answer #7 · answered by Art 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Every year I would have her take a little scrap book of all the memorable and/or important things that she did the past year so she can be sure her mom didn't miss out on any of them.
2007-02-02 18:15:02 · answer #8 · answered by naytores 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You should take a lock of her hair and a little shovel and have her bury it by the headstone. Tell her she is leaving a piece of herself with her mommy so they will always be together.
2007-02-02 20:55:20 · answer #9 · answered by girlmrcs_1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a replica of the little girl's favorite stuffed animal, or drawings etc. Let her place them there herself. Write a poem with her, or add a phrase or two that she says. Recite it with her at the gravesite.
good luck sweetheart!
2007-02-02 18:13:37 · answer #10 · answered by E 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋