I been with this girl for 9 years.. and I think it's time to move on. I love her but I don't think its working out. I'm a Firefighter and she's a police officer, and I don't think I can be married to a police officer. And I have huge suspicions she's been cheating on me with another cop, so maybe it'll be best for them to do their thing. But the thing is she doesn't wanna let go, I keep trying to break it off with her but she makes me feel bad. We have a child and all but I'm going to be a career Firefighter and I want to date and meet other women.
How do I go about telling her this, and then stopping myself from feelin bad for her? I still will be in my child's life.
Just can't be with a cop
2007-02-02 10:01:28 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Trust issues, she's probably cheating on me, doesn't call me or come over, and I can't be with a cop.. those are good enough reasons?? plus... all the women too I can hopefully talk to. I'm trying my best to end it but she won't let me go. I want her to be with him, he'd be better off anyway, but she says, "you want me to be with him? sorry, thats not happening!"
2007-02-02 10:03:11 · update #1
no, no, not meant for each other. it's been good but the trust issue is big. there's nothing like me at home studying Fire Behavior and wondering what she's doing with him, haha
2007-02-02 10:06:47 · update #2
fly guy... i'd date other women before my child sir
2007-02-02 10:12:15 · update #3
it seems like you want to end things but are feeling guilty about it because you have a child. Even if she isn't cheating on you, if you are unhappy in the relationship you have two options; try to work things out, or break it off. Like Dr. Phil says,"It's better to be alone than sick with someone else."
2007-02-02 10:09:00 · answer #1 · answered by peejay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she's really cheating on you why do you think she's not letting you go? 9 years is quite a long years to be together, right? Maybe, you're trying to find excuses so that you could split-up with her. As of now you're not contented and the only reason you're with her is because of you're sharing a child. You told us that you love her but why do you have the feel the urge of seeing other women. I don't think you love her enough if your guided with mistrust and urge to be with other women. The best thing to do is --- talk to each other.Things are not working out because (1) Her profession as a cop (2) You think she's cheating on you and (3) You want to date other people.
You have to tell her to let you go; Of course it will hurt at first but we all know that situations like this there is no such thing as a perfect timing.
Tell her now!!!!
2007-02-02 10:14:02 · answer #2 · answered by mardiel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound as if you want her to have an affair to ease your guilt. You have been in a relationship with this woman for 9 years, have a child with her and have now just realized you can't live with a cop? At least be honest with yourself. You want some other ***. You are a father in a common law marriage, looking for an out so you can have "other women "
by blaming your wife for an imaginary affair. Your not much of a person as far as I'm concerned, grow some balls stop blaming her, tell her the truth, accept responsibility for YOUR DECISION. PAY CHILD SUPPORT.
2007-02-02 10:16:03 · answer #3 · answered by mld m 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are doing the only thing possible in your mind. You have already decided that you need out of the relationship and have rationalized it to yourself so you can find someone new who isn't a cop. If you remain with her, you will only drag her down and make the both of you miserable. However, this may not work as well as you think. If you leave simply to find someone new, you may lose your relationship with your child. You need to decide what is the most important thing to you. Your need to date other women or your child.
2007-02-02 10:10:09 · answer #4 · answered by fly guy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nine years is a long time to be a relationship with someone. Was she always a cop during your courtship? I don't know the age of the child, but it most likely will be traumatic to see hisor her parents go separate ways. Think long and hard about this before you end the relationship. Consider counseling together as a couple if you fear her being unfaithful.
2007-02-02 10:06:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that if you know that what you are doing is best for you and your child, then you should not feel bad. Tell her exactly why you wish to end things. Tell her you are going. And walk away. The first few weeks will be hard of course, but if what you are doing is right for you, then things will get easier. Do what you have to do for your child, and enjoy your life. Be sure to let her know that you are not happy.
2007-02-02 10:07:49 · answer #6 · answered by pan2fly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you letting her decide for you??? Its your life isnt it? YOUR DECISION! Make it very clear to her that you want nothing to do with her and only will deal with her based on seeing your child. Any other relationships or matters outside of concerning your child will not be discussed. You will and are going to see other people and you don't want to be with her anymore.
Then STOP feeling bad for her! Let her whine, *****, moan, kick scream, feel depressed, upset, etc. She needs to learn and grow the hell up! And you need to get some balls! She will get over it eventually, tell her you have been VERY nice in trying to end this and now you are just sick of it. You dont want her anymore, you dont love her and you want to move on. GOODBYE!
Dont ever be friends with her either....only be civil when you are in the presence of your child. If she wants to fight, let her, she cant fight with you if you arent fighting back. Then she just looks crazy.
2007-02-02 10:08:01 · answer #7 · answered by bluestar_dreamsx 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one. I think you should follow your heart and do what you think is best for you. Dont let her manipulate you into staying with her, it will make you three unhappy. Make up your mind about it and break it off. Hopefully she doesn't use the child to manipulate you. Whatever you do, always be there for your kid emotionally most of all.
2007-02-02 10:08:47 · answer #8 · answered by blackmamba81 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have an open and upfront conversation with her. If your intentions are clear (i.e. breaking up), then don't let her talk you out of it or make you feel bad. Maybe a little breather will do you both good.....and who knows, you both may decide you were meant for each other all along and finally make a lifetime committment.
2007-02-02 10:05:51 · answer #9 · answered by Katiecat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Throw donuts out the door J/K
Just keep trying Sit her down and say it's over tell her "i love you but i'm not in love with you"
2007-02-02 10:07:16 · answer #10 · answered by ??Adriana?? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋