My husband died two years ago. We were married for 9 years, together for 11 years. I think I am just about ready to start dating. I was wondering what should I expect. I think dating in your teens is different then in your 20´s or 30´s. What is the overall pictue like ? What do men in there 30´s want from a women? What should I expect? All my friend are married so need some advice. Is it true that by the third date if you don´t have sex, then there is no fourth date. I hope not because I will never have a fourth date if it is true.
2007-02-02 09:33:33 · 6 answers · asked by rebecca 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
We had an excellent marriage. We had a business together so we worked together, not like normal couples that aren´t together for 40 hour a week. I would say in the 9 years of marrige we were not together an average of about 3 hours per month. I am a liitle afraid that I might be a bit possevive of my futre boyfriends time. I have had 2 years to morn and adjust to my new lifstyle, of being alone. I am also aware that this may be a problemI will have so i will try to avoid it.
2007-02-02 10:14:47 · update #1
Firstly, please accept my sympathies. You must've been doing something truly right to be married for as long as you were and be together for 11 years. 'Course, I don't know what your marriage was really like but none of my biz. Anywho...to get to your question.
1) You have a slight dating advantage with the fact that there are no children involved. Being a single parent trying to date can be challenging. And 31 is super young. You are older and wiser but you've been out of the dating scene before you were 20.
2) What men expect
Definitely don't dwell on talks about your deceased husband, even if the guy asks. Guys don't like to hear about exes, much less about one they can't really compete against since he's not alive. And if they ask, just mention he passed and it was a good marriage. You can get more detailed if it looks really "marriage" serious. That's private anyway. You're starting anew.
Don't complain/whine on the date. Nobody likes that.
Don't talk about every little thing in your life. Basically, don't be an open book.
Ask about him. Ask about his mother. I really believe that can give an idea of how he'll treat you/view women. But do share about you if you click on something or a topic catches your fancy.
Don't go heavy on the topics on the first few dates. Be gentle. No politics (maybe general stuff), nothing about marriage, children.
3) The 3rd date sex ? - if the man genuinely likes you, he won't push for it and he won't stop seeing after the 3rd date. Course, on the flip side, you can't try and hold out on purpose for as long as you can. It's your choice. What feels right to you. And it depends if you're constantly talking on the phone, emailing each other. Dates are dates. Ball's in your court.
4) Are you looking to possibly get married again in the future? If you really feel ready to date, you should write up a list of what you want in a man now. So you have an idea of who you want to date. Otherwise, you'll be all over the place and you'll make the guy's head spin. I really think you should go on dates...a lot of dates (not have sex). Feel out what you like about men. Plus it'll be enjoyable I think. And dating is like interviewing...you need the practice.
Happy Hunting! LOL!
2007-02-02 09:56:41 · answer #1 · answered by Michaela 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First: the idea that there is a "rule" of any kind about dating is nonsense. That's the kind of thing people say when they're teenagers, not when they're in their 30s.
Second: unlike men in their 20s, men in their 30s can mostly be grouped into four categories...
1. Never really dated much, and getting desperate;
2. Dated a lot, but could never keep a relationship together long enough to get married (or didn't want to);
3. Has been married in the past, but is no longer married;
4. Is married, but won't admit it.
Generally speaking (nothing is absolute!) the men in groups one and two may not be particularly good catches, but they might also be overlooked for no good reason. Guys in group three are going to have a lot more in common with you, of course; they've been through marriage before. Men of the first three groups are more likely to be serious about your relationship than they would have been in their 20s; by their 30s, most guys know whether or not they want to be married (or in the case of group three, married again) and so they'll treat the relationship accordingly.
Having said that, they may be older men, but you're older too; a lot of what's changed in men is identical to what's changed in you (except for those elements specifically related to your being a widow, unless he's a widower.) You'll likely have a much easier time of it than you realize.
Oh, and I think it goes without saying that you need to be very careful to avoid guys in the fourth group.
Good luck, and I'm very sorry to hear about your husband.
2007-02-02 10:00:00 · answer #2 · answered by daveowenville 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry that you have to go thru this it must be hard. It is like your starting over. I havent been a widow but I was a divorced mother with two children. Since then i remarried and have two more children. As far as what dating is like rember your older you are wiser and you kind of have some idea of what you dont want. You dont have to do anything just tell your new date I want to take it slow I would like to have a friend. Consider yourself as a strong lady that any man that takes you out is lucky. Believe in yourself and who knows you might find yourself smiling from simple compainship . May God Bless you, you know when I did date agin I took both of my children with me on dates to let the guy know I was going to be myself. Not all the dates but i didnt want to give him a false idea.
2007-02-02 09:43:58 · answer #3 · answered by jerry w 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Crushes are normal and healthy! You act as if you are 75! Even then crushes are still normal! If you hire him again, and he's interested then he will ask you out, and you can say yes, but not a good idea to chase him afterall he is 45 so he definitely knows how to go after what he wants.
2016-05-24 06:13:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not all men will want sex so soon..But I will say that as a teen or as an adult the thrill of love is the same..the joy of romance is similar.Best of luck to you ..There are many good sweet men in the world I know and with all humility I say that I am one.
2007-02-02 09:38:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
awwww... My mom got married three times, two died RIP and one they got divorced. In your 30's, your mature and you know all about dates, I hope so just be yourself. Don't have Sex until your married
2007-02-02 09:38:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋