for the second time my daughter's (10yrs) father has walked out of her life and taken his financial responsiblity with him. the first time was about a year ago when he heard i was engaged before i had the chance to tell him, the second time was for no reason just before september. i told him then he was not to do it to her again as it really hurt her the last time. i think his mentality is if he cant have me, he doesnt want to be a part of her life. disgusting mentality! hes always had the hope we would get back together. ive called him, been round to his on new years and he agreed to call her the following day. getting any decent explanation or anything at all discussion wise is like trying to get blood out of a stone. ive had no help from him financially since october and now the crappy csa has disbandoned. hes living at his sisters when hes not meant to be, so im afraid of getting her in trouble. i phoned him last night to meet me and he made up a lame excuse. my daughters upset.
2007-02-02 09:28:18 · 13 answers · asked by emzc 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
For your daughters sake just consider him dead.
He sounds like the kind of person that you probly wouldn't allow in your daughters life if he wasn't her father.And if he is behaving this way then he is no father,just a sperm donor.
You and your daughter are better off w/o him.
If your new husband is a real man he will raise your daughter as his own; screw your ex,he sounds like a loser.
2007-02-02 09:39:00 · answer #1 · answered by Rainy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Firstly you can still go to the CSA, they are not going to be here forever but they are for now. They might not be the best but they are all you have at the moment so make the most of them and give them a call and get the ball rolling. As soon as you have contacted them he starts to owe you money! Bringing up children does not become free oncea man walks away from them!
Secondly, there is nothing you can do about him not visiting his child. If anything, you need to completely leave him alone about the situation and get on with things by yourself. The more you go on about it the more your child is likely to feel it. And if he did see her once because you had nagged him to and then not bother you child has to deal with the upset of it all again.
Its not your fault that he doesn't see her. You can only be there for your child, reassure her that no matter what you will always be there and you will never leave her and will aways love her.
I know it is heart breaking, my dad never wanted to see me, although i was 10 when he stopped contact. My mum never stopped him from seeing me but never forced it either and i don't resent her for it. I have now as an adult decided that even though i have seen him a couple of times over the last few years, I will see him no more. For me that is the best way.
2007-02-03 03:51:52 · answer #2 · answered by peachy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly how you feel, it's something i'll never be able to understand.... how a father can just walk away.... surely they must at some point think about their child and how must they feel because dad hasnt been to see them.
I split with my ex boyfriend after 8 yrs together, my son was six at the time, and looking back i should have realised straight away that he would behave like a child not considering how much they were hurting their own child.
4 days after my ex left he said he wanted to see my son, phoned the day before with a time he'd pick him up then didn't turn up FOR 3 WEEKS No phoncall, then he was fine for about 4 weeks & disappeared again (i didnt know his address) got in touch again after about 2 months absence He seen his son 2 wks running then disappeared just before christmas!!!! until?........would you believe June AND THE REASON WHY HE WOULD JUST IGNORE HIS OWN SON KNOWING HE'D BE SITTING IN THE WINDOW LOOKING FOR HIM, THEN HE WOULD GET ANGRY THEN THE TEARS
MY EX WAS OBLIVIOUS *** ALL BECAUSE HE HAD PROBLEMS, havnt we all but i would never abandon my son
I gave him every chance of help I offered him a small loan told him to reverse the charges to me etc
in the longrun he didnt give a **** about his only son done a bunk yet again just after my sons 9th birthday and then nothing until my son was 12!!!!!!
When he turned up and couldn't wait to tell my son that he had a 2 year old "brother" and another one on the way and my son gonna love his 17 yr old girlfriend (he was 35)3 years he had be missing I was a bit shocked by my sons reaction He said "Do i have to see him?? he didnt want to know me so why should i see him"
HE MADE THE RIGHT DECISION I JUST WISH I'D DONE IT FOR HIM LONG BEFORE AND STOPPED HIS FATHER HURTING HIM, I JUST THOUGHT I WAS DOING THE BEST
HES 18 NOW AND SAID HE'D KNOCK HIM OUT IF HE SEEN HIM & DOESNT NEED HIM COZ HES GOT A REAL DAD WHO LOVES HIM (MY HUBBY his stepdad)
Dont let your child put up with being treated like this, i wish i hadnt
Also i never go a penny maintenance off him AND I HAD TO PAY HIS £120.00 CATALOGUE BILL
2007-02-02 18:30:58 · answer #3 · answered by talula 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's just a wimp! Forget about him and get on with your life.Your daughter will get used to the idea and your new partner will probably be a better dad than her own one.When she grows up and knows all the facts and is able to make an informed choice it will be up to her to contact him is she wishes to,in the meantime she cannot do much about having an absent father and neither can you if he wont face up to his responsibilities.Just give her as much love and security that you can and she will decide what she wants to do about her "father" when she matures.Hope this helps you a bit.Good luck!
2007-02-02 18:12:48 · answer #4 · answered by bevalou 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it is hurting them so badly then i would forget about him and tell him that if he does want to see them or asks to see them tell him to get a solicitor....You have enough against him that would allow you to stop him from having contact.I know that a child has a right to see the absent parent but they also need security..And they also need a hurt free life. If he continues with this then i would also seek an injunction on him to stop him pestering.....Tell them he is upsetting you and your children they would probably help,I hope they would.....As the saying goes"Out of site out of mind" thats how most absent parents see it.Sometimes it can help and sometimes it doesnt...I am sorry for you and your childrens situation and i hope that you get sorted and bring your children up in peace.......Mum of 8
2007-02-02 17:41:06 · answer #5 · answered by GRANDMA 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He can't be a good enough father if he treats treat his child like this, if he has an issue with you fare enough. He should put his feelings for you to one side as it's not your childs fault that you split. Tell your child the truth about what her father is doing she will understand that it is not your fault, just make sure she knows that you wish them to get along. The same thing happened to me when my children where young, but now they understand and told their dad he was at fault for not seeing them and not my fault. Now they have chosen not to see him and he is upset about it.
2007-02-02 17:42:24 · answer #6 · answered by kittiebann 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Stop wasting your life on this person and move on with your new partner with whom you will be happy and be a good father to your daughter.
2007-02-03 08:51:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
my so called father walked out 14 years ago the only time i saw him was wen he was in prison then twice since the last time i told him that if he messed me about again i wasnt interested i was 7 months pregnant that is the last time i saw him my son is now 19 months! neither me nor my son have seen him and i dont feel either of us are missin out by him not beein in our lives we have a family who love us dearly!! i know its not my fault hes chosen to not be part of my life. tell your daughter to write him a letter to tell him how she feels then see how it goes if he does it again you have to let her decide what to do, explain its not her fault and that her dad does love her he just doesnt know how to express his love
good luck
2007-02-02 17:46:24 · answer #8 · answered by theoriginalbitch 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
leave him to it, some ex partner just don't want to be a parent or know how to be one ..... i know this one well
then on the other hand there are some great ex partner which would
your child will always know you where there for her regardless of what her father will or will not do
2007-02-02 18:25:23 · answer #9 · answered by angies_angel_eyes2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't blame your daughter. Her father sounds like a low-life. I know it's hard to accept right now, but count your blessings that creep is out of your life.
Make sure you explain to your daughter that it's not her fault.
2007-02-02 17:39:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋