Can people really change?

Question

Turning points - major changes in our lives.
My psychiatrist once told me that people don't really change -we stay the same. Is this true?
Have you ever woken up and dicided to live totally different?
Yep. I want to change - I want to jog every other day. I want to clean my house every friday. I want to work and try harder. I want to stop being so lazy.

Is change possible? Why is it so difficuilt to change? In my head I can envisage another -beter way to live: Why don't or can't I then change myself?

Answer 1

Yes people can change but it is the most part of breaking old habits and this usually occurs as you get older.

Answer 2

I used to be severely depressed and once I started taking an anti-depressant (Zoloft for me) I started working out more and keeping my house clean. I think a lot of people that consider themselves lazy, or if others consider them lazy it has more to do with depression then them just not wanting to do something, so yes, I think people can change with some help.

Answer 3

I think that what your doc meant is that people can't change who they are fundamentally. You can change your appearance, you can change your lifestyle, you can change your underwear but you'll still be you. You can be a better you and I admire you for aspiring to this. Since your psychiatrist may not have clarified what he said and you evidently didn't question it at the time, this sounds very discouraging to me. Change psychiatrists.

Answer 4

GET RIDE OF THAT PSYCHIATRIST! He/she shouldn't even be in that career if they believe people can't change, since psychiatry or at least Psychology is all about change. He/she sounds older and I've bet heshe was into drugs. It's the reason I never recommend anyone see a Psychiatrist. My life experiences and having talked with others, has lead me to believe that a Psychiatrist's education, being a medical doctor, then a psychiatrist, tend to give them a negative view of people. They tend more often then not to see every disorder as needing medication to control. They don't look at over coming problems.

I have frequently made changes that have continued on from the time I was determined to change. People can't tell others to change, it seldom works, VERY SELDOM. People have to want it so much that they just begin doing it and work at it until it's a positive habit.

I've found making multiple changes at once is almost setting one's self up for failure. So take one and do that. Such as the house cleaning. You schedule that into your day, so that the time you need to clean on Friday is scheduled in and you do not schedule anything else into that time. Soon, that day will just become your cleaning day.

I literally committed to stop being a cutter and stop being an anorexic in one day. I'd had it with the bull of family, of therapists who didn't know what they were doing. I had prayed much over these issues and asked Heavenly Father to help me. Then I just did it. It was hard, I still thought about starving for about a year and I still struggled with wanting to cut for about a year. What helped me was allowing myself to feel whatever I felt, to cry, to be upset, whatever it was I felt, instead of surpressing those feelings.

I also use to be a fanatical housekeeper, cleaning everyday. When I ended up with Pneumonia and could barely get out of bed, yet I wanted to clean my house. I said to myself, this is totally insane to be this way and I can chose not to be. I then started by setting up a rule. Unless I spilled something, then other then keeping the kitchen and bathroom clean, I'd not dust more then twice each week; I'd not vacuum more then twice a week, unless an obvious mess existed.

I would say that in just the past ten years, I have changed at least five major things about myself, my simply stating to myself that enough was enough, I had to change and I could do it. If one day things went bad, I just started fresh the next day and didn't allow myself to give up. I also had realistic expectations, meaning I never thought that change was going to be simple. I knew it would take being committed to it for myself, not for others, then just doing it and some days it was hard, some days easy, but it's been worth the effort, each time I decided to change something about myself.

Start with what bothers you most about how you are. Put notes to yourself if you have to, around the house, then commit to no other change but that one. Most change becomes part of us after three months. I read that in a research book once, about change, sorry I can't recall the name of the book, but it seems to be true for me. The first three months of any major change has been the hardest. With the cutting it took me a year of never cutting to know I didn't have to use that poor way of coping anymore. The anorexic took about six months of not doing any of hte behaviors around anorexia anymore to feel like I could eat without all the problems my head would cause me. Sometimes it still comes into my mind, but I just tell myself. That is self destructive and will never solve the problem behind why I want to not eat.

YOU CAN CHANGE!

Answer 5

Yes you can change sometimes things can get worse so it stands to reason that they can get better. Just keep on trying. I intend to. It is especially difficult if you are going it alone but have faith in yourself. We will be as strong as we have to be.

Answer 6

Your therapist is insightful, who you are never changes, who you think you are does.
The only better way to live is to just be, all other ways don't ultimately satisfy.
Just being everything takes care of itself. Do nothing.

Answer 7

Because deep down inside you are not ready to change. Dont worry hon,when you are ready to change, you will change.

Answer 8

yes, people can change. They need a reason!

Answer 9

If you really want to change just do it...