Me and my boyfriend were just at the pub with his best mate. Ive always fancied his best mate and we have always flirted with each other a bit. We were all a bit drunk, my boyfriend went over to talk to one of his friends and I made my way outside and to the toilets. There was no one around, he followed me and we just suddenly had sex in the cubicle. I feel really guilty and told my boyfriend I feel ill and needed to go home. I just got back and he is still there with his mate, Im scared he will say something.
2007-02-02 09:01:09 · 117 answers · asked by *Tara* 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I love my boyfriend and want to marry him.
I couldnt help myself, he was so strong and it was so passionate. I feel sick with shame and guilt. How can I make sure he doesnt find out?
2007-02-02 09:09:47 · update #1
http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AljAnA2oyvI3bbHbaCpYjMQgBgx.?qid=20070202142714AAEg57j
2007-02-02 09:39:57 · update #2
Well that's your fault.
2007-02-02 09:04:21 · answer #1 · answered by richard_beckham2001 7 · 16⤊ 4⤋
I doubt that you are going to be able to keep this a secret and, if you do, it will be bad for your relationship.
This "best mate" is not your boyfriend's friend. It is in your boyfriend's best interest to find this out. This may not be the first time and probably won't be the last.
Before you do anything, go to the doctor and get checked out for sexually transmitted diseases. Don't have sex again with your boyfriend until you are sure that you are not going to give him some disease that this so-called friend is very likely to have.
If you are living with your boyfriend, go stay somewhere else for a few days until you sort this out.
I would recommend that you tell your boyfriend. Expect him to be angry. You know you deserve it. You don't have a "right" to be with him and he may decide not to be with you any more. However, have enough respect for him to give him the right to decide this. If you don't tell him, his mate will always have a way to manipulate you. Worse, this is a very "face-losing" situation for your boyfriend. Don't let him find out that he was betrayed by you! If you really care about him, you will put his needs first, not yours.
If your boyfriend decides not to be with you, you will need to accept this. Expect to spend some time over days or weeks just talking about this issue some. Give him some time away from you to sort out his feelings.
Lastly, think about the advice of some of the others here. What is alcohol doing to your life? Do you really love your boyfriend or is this an indication that maybe this is not the right relationship for you?
2007-02-10 06:02:37 · answer #2 · answered by cancerdoc 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK first calm down is not the end of the world.
1. you love you boyfriend, the "the mate thing" was only sex, you have to be sure of that.
2.make sure it does NOT happens a again because if it those, then you have a problem.
3.make sure your boyfriend never ever finds out, and try to silence every witness you might have left behind.
5. DO NOT treat the "mate" different, your boyfriend may get suspicious.
4. in case the "mate" tells your boyfriend just DENY IT, till you die. Is your word against his.
5. I f you really love your boyfriend and that mate thing was just that one time, is not worthy to brake a relation that really maters to you for something that will never happen again and didn't meant anything to you. But if you have feelings for this other guy, then you have to tell you boyfriend.
Good Luck!
2007-02-05 09:01:36 · answer #3 · answered by united we stand 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm amazed at some of the nasty comments. I'm a very old lady, but I've made loads of mistakes, got a bit drunk, shagged the wrong person occasionally. You shouldn't have done it girl, but you are human, like the rest of us. Never take advice from people who have never made a mistake.
What to do ? Do nothing, say nothing till you've sobered up. Then find a private moment with his mate and ask if he plans to say anything. Try to get an agreement with him that
a) it will never happen again
b) neither of you will ever mention it to anyone
If you succeed, great. It's hard to keep quiet, but that's the price you pay.
If he says he will tell your boyf, point out that he will be losing his friend, although boyf is more likely to be angry with you than with him. It's not fair, but men are like that.
Look, whatever happens, you have not committed a crime, darling. You're a normal woman who succumbed to a moment of passion when drunk. Try to keep it quiet, but if you can't, hold your head up and act with dignity, whatever happens. And ignore these judgemental arseholes on YA, who have never made mistakes, or been carried away or had any kind of life.
2007-02-09 03:12:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have three choices ...
1) Stay ... in which case, you have to tell him the truth. Which will cause the worst drama you could ever imagine, and effectively ruin his relationship with his best friend and quite possibly with you in the end.
2) Leave ... letting him know that you aren't ready for a committed relationship. Then you can party / sleep with whomever you want, if that's the lifestyle that appeals to you -- as long as all parties involved know up front that it's just for kicks & you keep it safe.
3) Leave ... and spend a few years working on the strength of your character.
You've made a terrible decision (and it was a decision, regardless of alcohol ... if you can remember it, you had the capacity to refuse it). Really reflect on why you did what you did, and try to be brutally honest with yourself. The worst thing you could do would be to make another bad decision on top of it.
2007-02-09 11:32:33 · answer #5 · answered by Kristi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are ready for marriage to anyone. Instead of worrying about whether you will be caught or not, I suggest you seriously need to figure why you did it in the first place. Have you fantasied about this other guy before? Marriage is difficult and takes a lot of work and trust to make it work. Going into a marriage with secrets is just asking for trouble, I'd seek help such as a therapist.
2007-02-09 09:28:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would recommend that you tell your boyfriend. Expect him to be angry. You know you deserve it. You don't have a "right" to be with him and he may decide not to be with you any more. However, have enough respect for him to give him the right to decide this. If you don't tell him, his mate will always have a way to manipulate you. Worse, this is a very "face-losing" situation for your boyfriend. Don't let him find out that he was betrayed by you! If you really care about him, you will put his needs first, not yours.
If your boyfriend decides not to be with you, you will need to accept this. Expect to spend some time over days or weeks just talking about this issue some
2014-11-04 08:20:08 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are living with your boyfriend, go stay somewhere else for a few days until you sort this out.
I would recommend that you tell your boyfriend. Expect him to be angry. You know you deserve it. You don't have a "right" to be with him and he may decide not to be with you any more. However, have enough respect for him to give him the right to decide this. If you don't tell him, his mate will always have a way to manipulate you. Worse, this is a very "face-losing" situation for your boyfriend. Don't let him find out that he was betrayed by you! If you really care about him, you will put his needs first, not yours.
2014-10-09 11:54:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
FIRST OF ALL
Stop feeling soooooooooooooo guilty....
You and him were both DRUNK....
People tend to do & say what they like when drunk...
Then you need to have a word with that friend of your boy friend..
Ensure he keeps it a secret between the Two of you....
You cannot tell him it was a mistake, or a fault of both of you...
Say it out, loud and crystal clear that it was a desire you both had, and you fulfilled that desire when circumstances were right...
The only way to condole yourself is to tell him it had happened before you & your bf got married for instance...
This doesn't mean that it is justifyable what you both done.... and I KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE......
All you need to do is to put an end & limit to your relation with that man, and let him realize you both are opening a New Page then and now and the days yet to come...
I am sure he knows how much you love your bf, abd your intentions for mariage says it all....
Try to be away for some time from him without drawing the attention of your bf to the New You & Him...
Just act normally, and let the feeling of guilt heals things up with the passage of time...
Ask that man to stay away a little from your bf in the coming days, and make sure you both act normally while around...
You have to clear both your heads, and promise one another not to have that UGLY MEMORY in your heads any longer, and to ensure it CAN NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN...
If you wish to keep your bf and end up getting married...Don't tell him, and make sure his friend acts like a man and maintain his friendship with your bf in good faith ....
This is a difficult situation,and you have to live with it....and I can see how regretful you were as you decided to go home...
Hope your bf's best mate realizes how you feel, and I do hope he feels the same way you do....
If he doesn't, then tou tell him to straighten up and stay away from you.....
Hope he will not reveal this secret one of these days to your bf.... Results will be devistating then...
Talk to him and find out all about what goes in his heart, and act accordingly...
When you bf comes home now, try to be normal, saying you have a pain in your tummy or something, because I am afraid you will explode with a cry once he starts making love to you ....
Be wise and be good...
2007-02-09 18:31:01 · answer #9 · answered by FOREVER AUTUMN 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you succeed, great. It's hard to keep quiet, but that's the price you pay.
If he says he will tell your boyf, point out that he will be losing his friend, although boyf is more likely to be angry with you than with him. It's not fair, but men are like that.
Look, whatever happens, you have not committed a crime, darling. You're a normal woman who succumbed to a moment of passion when drunk. Try to keep it quiet, but if you can't, hold your head up and act with dignity, whatever happens. And ignore these judgemental arseholes on YA, who have never made mistakes, or been carried away or had any kind of life.
2014-10-13 07:44:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing you can do is sit down with your boyfriend and try to explain to him what happened and beg for his forgiveness. Have you never heard the saying that every lie you tell will eventually catch up with you if not it is so true. Plus considering the fact that you are not the only one who knows what happened how can you guarantee that the truth will never be told? You can not! How much more betrayed do you think he is going to feel if he finds out from his so called best mate instead of hearing it from you first, I would say if you love him as much as you
2014-10-09 11:24:28 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋