I was sexually abused as a child, and a violent rape was my first sexual experience. I did not report the rape, and my parents didn't report the sexual abuse, so it was never resolved. Instead, I made up a "normal" sexual history that did not include rape as a coping mechanism for myself. When I met my current boyfriend, I shared with him the imaginary history in order to feel "normal" rather than dirty. Early in the course of my boyfriend's and my relationship, I was raped again. I kept this rape a secret, too, and unwittingly gave my bf Chlamydia. I confessed that I had been raped twice at that point, but did not tell him that the "normal" aspects of my sexual history were lies. This was three years ago. He acted like he had forgiven me, and we continued our relationship. Recently, however, I got pregnant. When I got pregnant, he said that I could either abort the baby or he would leave me. He said that he had only remained with me because I was emotionally fragile.
2007-02-02 08:37:40 · 13 answers · asked by h 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He says he felt trapped in our relationship because he feared that if he left me, I would commit suicide.
I realize that is was very wrong to lie to him over the years, and am very ashamed at the risk I put him in. Unfortunately, we were very young when we met, and I honestly didn’t understand the potential consequences of my lies.
Anyway, considering how wrong I was, is he justified in leaving me now that I am pregnant?
2007-02-02 08:46:27 · update #1
I already told him the whole truth about my sexual history. I don't want to lie to him anymore because I realize it was wrong. He says if I had been any other person, he wouldn't have done what I did, but that he feels like I trapped him with all the lies.
2007-02-02 08:55:01 · update #2
if it wuz his fault 4 getting u pregnant, than defenately have the baby... cuz h'll need to deal with it. itz stupid to kill a little innocent child. omg i hate how ppl do that. if it wuz by someone else, then hav it and give it up DON'T ABORT IT
2007-02-02 08:41:37 · answer #1 · answered by I Love Ryan .S. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you can either see the pregnancy as a curse or a blessing. Only you can decide if u want to keep the baby-ur the one carrying it. U have to decide whether the baby or this man who is only staying with you because you are 'emotionally stable' is more important. It is a rather big choice that he is asking you to make, but whatever you do, don't have this baby as a way of gettin revenge on him. Right now is not the best time to tell your boyfriend bout your real sexual history-first resolve the problem with the pregnancy and make a decision and if you feel that he deserves or is a big enough part of your life to tell him about ur childhood, then you should do it then. Good luck.
2007-02-02 08:48:12 · answer #2 · answered by Lily 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your boryfriend is not leaving because your lied about the abuse, and issues of abuse are often hard to discuss and private though putting him at risk health wise was wrong of you no matter what happened.
It sounds like he is leaving because he wants out and is not willing to accept being a father. So is he justified in leaving because you lied about being raped in your youth? No. He is justified in having issues with you including trust ones that could end a relationship due to your not being honest with him about what happened to you while you were with him. So he is justified in feeling that he may not trust you and for that reason yes he can leave.
There is NEVER justification for a man not taking responsibility for his child.
So even if he chooses to not be with you any longer because you do not wish to comply with his demand that you get an abortion, then that is issues on him. His reasons could be valid, and real and that is fine.
There is no justification for his not taking responsibility for his child. He choose to have sex, he choose to have sex and risk your getting pregnant. He could have taken steps to prevent conception he didn't.
2007-02-02 08:46:53 · answer #3 · answered by nowment 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Leave him, he's not worth it. No man is worth aborting your baby. Then make the bastard pay (child support, insurance )what ever u can get the courts to give u. By only staying with u because your were emotionally fragile he's just as bad as the idiot that raped u.
2007-02-02 08:46:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Run, don't walk to a counselor. You may think you are "ok" but fabricating entire alternate histories is not healthy and "feeling dirty" are not healthy signs/behaviors.
Concerning your bf, he is well short of being a man. There is no way on God's green Earth that he is justified in bailing while you're pregnant with his child. He is using your emotional vulnerability to extricate himself from you and his child. Even though he is not justified, I'd let the SOB go...he is no man and you aren't missing out on anything.
And, again, if nothing else, seek professional help.
2007-02-02 08:44:47 · answer #5 · answered by jw 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The question remains is he leaving you because you are pregnant? I think not.. I think there has been trouble in this relationship for some time and now he is using the baby as a way to voice his feelings. The decision is your as to whether to have the baby or not but trust me the relationship is over.
Since you were raped you owe it to yourself to get some help adn see a therapist.
2007-02-02 08:52:08 · answer #6 · answered by Mike 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He is NEVER justified in leaving you just because you are pregnant (If the baby is his). As far as your sexual abuse history, that has absolutely nothing to do with your pregnancy.
2007-02-02 08:43:00 · answer #7 · answered by MagPie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Would you want him to stay ONLY because you are pregnant? Maybe he doesn't want to start a family knowing that he isn't truely committed to you and to stay would be lying to both you and your child that he is committed. Is he justified in leaving? absolutely he is. Its unfortunate and he shouldn't have stayed with you so long if he was truely not committed, but since he isn't committed he is justified in leaving. Sorry.
2007-02-02 08:45:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
NAw he stayed with you because he was only using you and was getting what he wanted. Now that your pregnant well he will move on and let you get out of trouble by yourself, that's the reason for him asking for you to abort the baby. But if he was with you this long it wasn't because he loved you, he was using you. SO you need to get over it and move on but without him.
2007-02-02 08:45:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
get rid of this guy. tell him that you don't need any favors.
try to get some counseling for your two abuses. you may feel you've worked thru it, but do so for your own mental health.
also -- report both of these cases. you may help save someone else from this. best wishes.
2007-02-02 08:42:23 · answer #10 · answered by curious_One 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋