we have a small child as well, and right now I live in HIS house that he had before...we have been thinking of this for the last 2 years and have even looked at some homes...NOW he is saying he is scared of buying a house together because if we break up I would get half of whatever the house...I have been a stay home mom since my sons birth ad ave basically given up my dream of having a career to stay home and because he is very insecure (thinks my own money would mean I dont need him) so anyways I am wondering if I am wasting my time on a dream that will never happen...I dont always want to live in HIS house, I would it to be our house with BOTH our names on the title (hence a new home) I have given up alot to appease him and he doesnt want to do the same...am I wasting my time on this guy? Should I move on?
2007-02-02 07:32:40 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
i would NOT buy a house with a bf. why not get married? if you're relationship isn't strong enough for you to say "i do", then move on. no woman needs a man.
2007-02-02 07:37:15 · answer #1 · answered by sweet_shy_blondie 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It DEFINITELY sounds like your guy is not ready for commitment AND has some major issues with control (hence, the thing about wanting you to stay home). How old are you both? If you're around 30 or beyond, the odds of his changing are really slim. He sounds like he's got some serious issues that need therapy. Don't waste any more time on him!
Why give up your dream, especially for someone like that? If you cave now, it'll just get worse. He will never be appeased! My sister went through this w/her first husband and luckily, they had no kids so the divorce wasn't a big deal.
See a job counselor and go to your state or country agency for assistance with finances, daycare, legal matters and so forth, get on your feet and ditch him! Since he is the father, he should still have to pay child support, whether you work or not and even if you marry someone else. You might have to have a paternity test done, if you didn't put his name on the birth certificate, but he was your child's "de facto" father while you lived together, so don't let him claim he owes nothing once you break up!
Good luck to you...and stay strong.
2007-02-02 07:46:28 · answer #2 · answered by SieglindeDieNibelunge 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I dont think your wasting your time, cause he's the father of your child. But him being inssecure, is a problem HE has. You shouldn't tolerate it effecting you. If you want a career, and your own money, then thats what you should do. What if one day he ups and leaves you, and then there you are with no money or a career. I think you should make the home buying thing clear. About it needs to be ours, instead of his. or quick claim your name onto the title of the home you live in now. You've put everything else on hold for him, the least he could do put you on title.
2007-02-02 07:40:33 · answer #3 · answered by Danielle 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like an @sshole, nevertheless, since you have a child together if you broke up he'd have to pay child support anyway.
He's controlling you by discouraging you from getting a job, yet he won't provide for you by putting your name on the deed of his or a new house. Can you really see yourself with a man like that in 10, 15, 20 years? You need to live for yourself, not be trapped in a relationship with a man who doesn't trust you. You either need to marry him, because marriage provides you with more financial security if you do break up, or you need to leave him. The situation that you're in is unacceptable. You have a kid, you're not married, you don't have a claim on the house you live in. When he chooses to leave you (and it sounds like he will) you'll be SOL.
2007-02-02 07:42:33 · answer #4 · answered by pinwheelbandit 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That is right, if your both names on the title or on the loan of the house means if ever you were separated you will get half. But if he really insecure, just tell him. Just put his name only. think lady
this kind of guy is such a damn.....You are making the future of your son not for you or for him. Think....if he's worth to live with.
2007-02-02 07:47:41 · answer #5 · answered by dreamer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Boy, honey, it sounds like it. Been there and they usually don't change their minds. Get yourself an education even if he doesn't like it. Then you'll have something to fall back on when he continues to lead you around by the nose. I waited til my 6 kids were grown, I was 46 when I went to school to be a nurse. I don't own anything and live with my daughter. Help yourself before it's too late for you.
2007-02-02 07:45:54 · answer #6 · answered by ann m 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think a relationship needs a lot of compromise and if he is never willing to meet you in the middle then you need to decide what is best for you in the long run! I personally couldn't be with someone that is insecure but that is just me. You need to decide what you need out of your relationship and if he is the person that can give it to you.
2007-02-02 07:38:00 · answer #7 · answered by Sakora 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
make sure this is the truth & what u both feel: does he luv u? do u truly luv him? imagine the kids...think about the kids and if u would be happy as a family 2gether. if so, buy a new house. do ur kids go to school already? do they want to leave their friends? think about that. then if the kids agree to move...ur ready to go. but make sure that u make urself, ur bf, & ur kids happy. thats all that matters.
2007-02-02 07:36:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't believe he would bring up the fact "what if" he obviously is not ready .. maybe you should move on!* for your own good.<3
2007-02-02 07:36:50 · answer #9 · answered by Brittany 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
move on, after three years and what ifs, hes looking for a way out.
2007-02-02 08:19:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋