It makes me tear my hair out. At the moment I have been signed off work (now in my 5th week) but his opinion is that I should just pull myself together and get on with life (If only I could I would) I have tried printing things off of the internet on it but he claims they are to wordy and he doesn't understand them, when I gave him a printout from my GP he just ignored it and wouldn't read it. I have tried talking to him but it is so difficult as he just switches off and doesn't listen. He asks me what's wrong and when I try to expalin how I am feeling he is just snappy and almost unkind. I love him dearly but I just can't go on living like this, is it a case of ignorance is bliss, do you think he's frightened by the dianosis. Does anyone have any advice or experience on how I can get him to understand what is wrong with me? The bipolar is silently destroying me and my husband is breaking me in two with his behaviour. Any advice?
2007-02-02 07:32:16 · 14 answers · asked by Muddyblackcat 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
After my son was born I had a really severe case of Post-partum Depression as well as Panic disorder and anxiety. My husband, who had been so supportive through the birth and pregnancy suddenly turned unkind & unsupportive. It became even worse when I told him I wanted to try antidepressants for awhile. It was the time when I needed him most, yet he was only making everything worse.
Since then we've talked a lot about it. He was scared of the diagnosis and even more scared of the medication. He's never dealt with a mental illness before, so it was completely foreign to him. Whenever he was depressed, he knew how to pull out of it. He thought that it should be the same for everyone else, and that I was being a hypochondriac. Also he was afraid of having a wife who was "insane".
Although we have yet, to completely see eye to eye about it, we've come a long way. It started getting better when I explained the situation to my doctor (how my husband was acting and feeling). Then later the doctor sat down with both of us and explained to both of us the scientific difference between a normal bout of depression, and clinical depression (without making it sound like I had said anything to the doctor already). The doctor compared it to having something like diabetes, and that I wasn't crazy, just sick, and that it was totally treatable.
It's a really tough situation that you're in, and I can understand how awful it must be for you. I would recommend seeing a counselor or talking to your doctor together. Good luck!
2007-02-02 07:50:26 · answer #1 · answered by MeekaBee 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Oh sweet pea. This is an awful infliction.
Ignorance is not bliss in this case - he needs to understand. Most people are frightened about what they don't understand. Mental illness is awful - it's not as if you can 'see' what's wrong is it?
I'm no expert but I recently watched Stephen Fry's documentary about his suffering with bi-polar. If you can get a copy of this watch it with your husband. It's very moving and funny at the same time. It may help your husband's understanding and give a little more insight into it.
Good luck and take care.
2007-02-02 08:38:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I suffer the same, I struggle every day - I can't tell you what to do, but at the moment (personally) I am thinking of leaving because I am so unhappy and have come to realise he will never understand - He says the too 'wordy' thing aswell and can be unkind. What you need is unfailing support and people who don't understand are ill equipped to help, my partner's father says 'there's no such thing' blah, blah, blah and 'pull yourself together', I wish it was so simple - I realise now (for me) it may be 'easier' alone - he affects my swings - when it's just me (and the kids) I am so more settled (as are they). I love him SO much but I don't feel it back, maybe I am too sensitive, maybe he is just ignorant of others feelings and needs a simple life. Sorry not to give a clear answer, I just empathise is all, be strong and walk away if you need to - but, if he is what makes you happy then stay - I wish you luck.
2007-02-02 07:49:09 · answer #3 · answered by Flossie 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I am really sorry that you have this problem, which is bad enough without the understanding of your husband. He has to come to terms with this for both your sakes. Am I right in thinking that you are a manic depressive. You can get medication for this problem and lead a normal life. However, your husband must understand this; he cannot bury his head in the sand. Talk about this problem to your doctor, you really do not need to cope with anxiety on top of everthing else. Good luck.
2007-02-02 07:47:48 · answer #4 · answered by Beau Brummell 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Im so sorry youre suffering from this debilatating disease, I myself have suffered depression for many years and have encountered the same attitude from my own husband , printing things off for him to read is unlikely to have any effect, he probably has his mind made up about the condition, or lack of it, as he may think, I would suggest talking to him straight, and explaining that as you are his wife and he loves you, that he endeavour to understand your illness, even though it is not a physical one and explain to him how much this is hurting you, my opinion is he is frightened and doesnt know know how to handle the situation, please dont be afraid to be honest with him, if he loves you, he will try and understand. I hope you're seeking treatment and/or counselling hun, but please dont give up, you can live with this and it will get better xx
2007-02-02 08:08:11 · answer #5 · answered by Airyfairy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I'm so sorry you are having this problem. Bipolar disorder is hard enough on its own without having other problems. Sometimes people don't want to believe there are things wrong with the people you love. I think you should bring your husband with you to a counseling session. He needs to know how to handle your disorder to make you happier and more comfortable. Good luck!
2007-02-02 07:37:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
At minimum you need to be under the care of a licensed professional probally for the rest of your life so they can monitor you "cycles". Second, instead of wanting your husband to understand your condition you should probally focus on getting in a support group for those suffering from bipolar disorder. He may never understand your condition so you need to find others you can relate to. Alot of these support meetings are held at local hosipitals so you might want to make some phone calls. Search online and check out the community calendar in your hometown paper for support groups. I know they have them in Orlando, FL.
2007-02-02 07:44:06 · answer #7 · answered by Lily 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think he is very scared to admit to illness so close to home! Its very difficult for some people to accept illness, especially mental illness. Its not something you can see and therefore also perceived to be mysterious and beyond understanding. Perhaps he could attend a doctors appointment with you and talk to the doctor about what is happening to you.
Its a difficult thing to accept, but keep on trying, he needs to understand what is going on;
2007-02-02 07:51:34 · answer #8 · answered by huggz 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think it's about time you drag him to counseling. He's in total denial. He may have a mental illness himself. Unless he understands what your illness is about, I think things will just get worse for you. If he won't go, then go for yourself. Explain your husband's problem. You need some professional help. I'm so sorry this is happening to you!
2007-02-02 07:42:50 · answer #9 · answered by Bud's Girl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think he needs to go with you to your doctor...or to a counseling session. Have the professional tell him.
I guarantee he is just frustrated that he now is the sole support of the family. And the equals that you once were is no more. It's an adjustment thing.
2007-02-02 07:42:59 · answer #10 · answered by Kristi B 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋