Seriously, After 6 years of being let down too many times, My son has come to terms with the fact his (REAL) Dad isn't going to be around for him.. (i have court order against him) and he is desperate for Male companionship.. I haven't got a partner, or any male family around me to spend time with him, and he's feeling very insecure, He's having 'Berevement councelling' and also has a support worker at school to help him cope and come to terms with things, But he's Desperate for a 'Daddy' and i don't want to find a partner on the bases of looking for a daddy for my son.. I've been on my own for years, and in every relationship i've had he's attached himself TOO quickly only to get hurt.. So.. Does anyone know of an organisations or anything that run some sort of scheme for fatherless children? in the US i know of a 'Big Brother Scheme' but i'm unable to find anything else??? Please help me.
2007-02-02 07:15:29 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Seriously, After 6 years of being let down too many times, My son has come to terms with the fact his (REAL) Dad isn't going to be around for him.. (i have court order against him) and he is desperate for Male companionship.. I haven't got a partner, or any male family around me to spend time with him, and he's feeling very insecure, He's having 'Berevement councelling' and also has a support worker at school to help him cope and come to terms with things, But he's Desperate for a 'Daddy' and i don't want to find a partner on the bases of looking for a daddy for my son.. I've been on my own for years, and in every relationship i've had he's attached himself TOO quickly only to get hurt.. So.. Does anyone know of an organisations or anything that run some sort of scheme for fatherless children? in the US i know of a 'Big Brother Scheme' but i'm unable to find anything else??? Please help me. ((Sorry i didn't know what Big brother was, I'm in the UK))
2007-02-02 07:23:53 · update #1
OK Firstly, i'm not giving away personal enough details for my sons safety to be in question. I haven't introduced my son Lightly to males, I had 1 serious relationship from whom i have 2 other younger sons, and he got attached to their father.. we have been split 2 years now, but they still see their father on a 3 out of 7 day week. and he's not being included in the activites.. My Ex's choice(( i haveprofusely tried to get him too)) and also i have had male FRIENDS who've left the area. My son does do Martial arts, and also swimming, Dance classes and tennis, But still he's in need of a Daddy. i'm not trying to cause Controversy on this situation, but i have no one else to ask.. so please dont post UN needed answers, please try to be constructive.
2007-02-02 07:34:09 · update #2
You have so identified a big gap, we have support groups for berevement all the way to giving up smoking.... but none for children who have absent mums or dads.
Scouts, land or sea... he'll receive direction, self discipline and a sense of self acheivement as he goes.
Best of luck to the both you.
2007-02-02 23:17:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, he cannot. Even if your boyfriend did raise your son, he is a legal stranger to the boy. The only way your boyfriend could get some kind of custody rights is if he adopted your son. While step parent adoption requirements vary, one aspect doesn't is that boyfriends/girlfriends/other partners are NOT allowed to adopt. An adoption wouldn't even be considered until you were legally married. Even then, you will likely be required to be married for a certain amount of time, get the biological father's rights terminated (if he's listed on the birth certificate, it doesn't matter that he hasn't been involved; he is the legal father and will remain so until a judge says otherwise), and go through a long process in court. It's also important to remember that if you did proceed with a step parent adoption at some point, you and your boyfriend would be linked for life. He would not be off the hook for child support if you broke up, you would never be entitled to any assistance from the biological father, and you could not deny your boyfriend 50/50 custody and visitation. That would include him making parenting decisions, getting your son for holidays, and yes, having any new girlfriends be a part of his life. Legally, he would forever have the exact same rights as if he were the biological father. That is why you should think long and hard before making any decisions regarding your son's custody. Your relationship may be all sunshine and rainbows now, but things change - just as they likely did with the bio dad. Good luck.
2016-05-24 05:50:52 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your local Park and Recreation is a great place to start. Our city has a Mentoring Program at park and recreation. Also if you are a member of a church, let your pastor know your needs for a male father figure. I think you are a good mom. To many mom think they can be mom and dad, but you have come to understand the identity of a male figure for a boy is as important as the male figure to a young girl too. Kids have two parents for a reason mom and dad play different rolls. Do not give up your search and I am sure you will find a resource in your community that will provide for your sons male companion needs. Also, try the Boy Scouts of America and the YMCA two more great organizations. The Police and Fireman's Associations may also have mentoring programs & check with your sons school too.
Wish you the best
Tracylyn S
2007-02-02 07:50:37 · answer #3 · answered by Tracylyn S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
BIg Brother Big Sister is NOT a scheme. They are real people who do a lot of good for children. Sport coaches can also help a young boy/man who needs that male companionship.
Talk to a local counselor about your son's needs and see if there is any programs where you live that could help.
You might also try NOT introducing your son to boyfriends or guys you date unless you know it is going to turn into a long term relationship. If he's not exposed to them, he can't get attached and hurt.
Best of luck to you!
2007-02-02 07:21:20 · answer #4 · answered by Starla_C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was a single parent with two boys for seven years. Yes, my boys wanted a father and were delighted when I married my husband. However, he never really bonded with them. So that isn't always a guarantee that things will work out.
The best thing you can do is to help your son over this need. Rather than take the chance of him being hurt again by someone else. You can do lots of boy friendly things, like football and judo.
Every scheme will have volunteers in it who mean well, but there is no guarantee that they will be there forever.
2007-02-02 07:35:09 · answer #5 · answered by True Blue Brit 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what you mean. I was in that place 10 years ago; I had decided to have my son baptised just before he started school - but I wanted to choose a Godfather who would be a good male role model for him; his dad had absconded before he was a year old, and I had determined no man was going to hurt me again.
Yet I felt my son needed balance; he needed to hear the male side of things!
I had two older sons all right; but they are not dads. I asked a good male friend to be his Godfather; I told him my reasons for asking, and he was pleased and agreeable. He lived about half a mile away, and made an effort to play a part in my son's life. He was single at the time, and had no children of his own, and I think he liked the novelty of "treating" a small child.
He is married now with kids of his own, and we live at opposite ends of the country, but we are still in touch and I definitely made the right choice for my son.
2007-02-02 09:47:21 · answer #6 · answered by marie m 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In the UK I would suggest letting him join sea cadets or similar, I help run a unit and many of the youngsters have single parent families and I think the organisation is great for them some need more guidance than others some open up more but they get great fun and discipline etc as well as other adults they can hopefully relate to
2007-02-02 07:24:19 · answer #7 · answered by grahamralph2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Could all the Americans in the room calm down. When the asker says it is a scheme it is not a derogitory word. A scheme in the UK is an organisation, a plan, a design or programme.
2007-02-02 07:25:47 · answer #8 · answered by KELLYPLANET 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try your church. He will find good roll modes and they will teach him things about being a man.. My church stepped in when my ex didn't want to be around because of me so he cut of his nose to spite his face.. If the church doesn't help talk to any of your friends who are married maybe if their husbands take his kids fishing or something he can take your son alone too. net work with other single moms or dads. Look to close family members too they would be more then welling to help...good luck been in your shoes and I know how you feel.. My son is doing well and almost every weekend he is doing something with some one.. enjoy your new son when he comes out of his shell....
2007-02-02 07:27:47 · answer #9 · answered by tlcoufan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How is he getting attached to these guys that you are having a relationship with? He shouldn't even meet them until you know it's a serious relationship. Please quit doing that to your son. His needs for a stable homelife trumps your need to date.
You can get your son into some kind of sports that has a male coach that he can talk to or maybe take him to a karate class where they have a male teacher.
2007-02-02 07:23:11 · answer #10 · answered by J D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋