How can I learn to love myself and accept myself the way I am?

Answer 1

Build your self-esteem by loving others unconditionally, and allowing others to love you unconditionally !!
"But really, What is Unconditional Love ?"
Please take just a few minutes to read this.

What in the world is the difference between loving a person and being attached to them ?
Love is the sincere wish for others to be happy, and to be free from suffering.
Having realistically recognized others' kindness as well as their faults, love is always focused on the other persons welfare. We have No ulterior motives to fulfull our self-interest, or to fulfill our desires; to love others simply because they exist.
Attachment, on the other hand, exaggertes others' good qualitities and makes us crave to be with them. When we're with them, we're happy, but when we're separated from them, we are often miserable. Attachment is linked with expectations of what others should be or do.
Is love as it is usually understood in our society
really love ? or attachment ? or even possibly for some, only lust.
Let us examine this a bit more. Generally we are attracted to people either because they have qualities we value or because they help us in some way. If we observe our own thought processes mindfully, and carefully - we'll notice that we look for specific qualities in others.
Some of these qualities we find attractive, others are those our parents, or society value.
We examine someone's looks, body, education,
financial situation, social status. This is how most of us decide on whether or not the person holds any true value to us.
In addition, we judge people as worthwhile according to how they relate to us. If they help us, praise us, make us feel secure, listen to what we have to say, care for us when we are sick or depressed, we consider them good people, and it is this type of people we are most likely to be more attracted to.

But this is very biased, for we judge them only in terms of how they relate to "us", as if we are the most important person in the world.
After we've judged certain people to be good for us, whenever we see them it appears to us as if goodness is coming from them, but if we are more aware, we recognize that we have projected this goodness onto them.

Desiring to be with the people alot who make us feel good, we become emotional yo-yo's -
when we're with these people, we're Up, when we're not with these people, we're Down.

Furthermore, we form fixed concepts of what our relationships with those people will be and thus have expectations of them. When they do not live up to our expectations of them, we're very disappointed, or may become angry !
We want them to change so that they will they will match what we think they are. But our projections and expectations come from our own minds, not from the other people.
Our problems arise not because others aren't
who we thought they we're, but because we mistakenly thought they were something they
aren't.
Checklist: "I Love You if __________ "
What we call love is most often attachment.
It is actually a disturbing attitude that overestamates the qualities of another person.
We then cling to tightly to that person, thinking our happiness depends on that person.
"Love, on the other hand, is an open and very calm, relaxed attitude. We want someone to be happy, and free from suffering simply because they exist. While attachment is uncontrolled and much too sentimental, Love is direct and powerful. Attachment obscures our judgment and we become impatient, angry, and impartial, helping only our dear one's and harming those who we don't like. Love builds up others, and clarifies our minds, and we
access a situation by thinking of the greatest good for everyone. Attachment is based on
selfishness, while Love is founded upon cherishing others, even those who do not look very appealing to the eyes. Love looks beyond
all the superficial appearences, and dwells on the fact that they are just like us: they want inner peace, happiness, and want to avoid suffering. If we see unattractive, dirty, ignorant people, we feel repulsed because our selfish minds watn to know attractive, intellectual, clean, and talented people. Love, on the other hand, never evaluates others by these superficial standards and looks much deeper into the person. Love recognizes that regardless of the others' appearances, their experience is the same as ours: they seek inner peace, to be happy, to be free from sufferings, and to do their best to avoid problems.
When we're attached, we're not mentally and emotionally free. We overly depend on and cling to another person to fulfill our mental and especially our emotional needs. We fear losing the person, feeling we'd be incomplete without him.
This does not mean that we should suppress our emotional needs or become aloof, alone and totally independent, for that too does not solve the problem. We must simply realize our unrealistic needs, and slowly seek to eliminate them. Some emotional needs may be so strong that they can't be dissolved immediately.
If we try to suppress them or pretend they do not exist, we become anxious, insecure, falling into a depression. In this case, we can do our best to fulfill our needs while simultaneously working gradually to subdue them.
"The core problem is we seek to be loved, rather than to love. We yearn to be understood by others rather than to understand them. In all honesty, our sense of emotional insecurities comes from the selfishness obscuring our own
minds. 'We can develop self-confidence by recognizing our inner potential to become a selfless human being with many, many magnificient qualities, then we'll develop a true and accurate feeling of self-confidence. And
then we'll seek to increase true love, without attachments, to increase compassion, to cultivate patience and understanding, as well as generousity, concentration and wisdom.'

'Under the influence of attachment we're bound by our emotional reactions to others. When they are nice to us, we're happy. When they ignore us, or speak sharply to us, we take it personally and are unhappy. But pasifying attachment doesn't mean we become hard-hearted. Rather, without attachment there will be space in our hearts and minds for genuine Affection and Impartial Love for them.
We'll be actively involved with them.
If we learn to subdue our attachments, we can most definately have successful friendships and personal relationships with others !! These relationships will be richer because of the freedom and respect - the relationships will be based on. We'll care about the happiness and the misery of all human beings equally, simply because everyone is the same in wanting and needing inner peace, happiness, and not wanting to suffer. However, our lifestyles and interests may be more compatible with those of some people more so than with others, and that is alright. In any case, our relationships will be based on mutual Love, mutual interests, and the wish to help each other in life.

You asked an excellent question !

Have an Excellent Weekend.

Answer 2

Don't think you are the only person with this situation. You are right, you are own critic. Everyone preaches "love yourself" and other things of that nature...but they don't see what your eyes see. Your personal image of you, is different to mine, or someone else's. At the same time, there may be a person of the opposite sex that looks at you and thinks "wow, she's perfect". One thing that we have to face in life is that everyone is not going to look at you for how you see yourself. Reality is, there are some people who are going to think you're the most beautiful thing walking, and there are some that will look at you like you're nothing...and that's with anyone. I think, in time...you'll realize that you really do accept yourself, (because it seems like for the most part you do accept yourself) but there is still just a little bit of insecurity. However, the one reason I would also say that you're not accepting yourself for who you are is because you are more than "fat and smart". Those aren't the only qualities you have. I think you're mainly just stuck on your weight.

Answer 3

This isn't easy, but rest reassured; even the most confident person finds faults in themselves and are self conscious.
It's what makes us human.
What is it that you have trouble accepting? Your body, your mentality or certain aspects of your life eg career, social life etc.
I had hang ups about my appearance, and even suffered from a eating disorder in school, what opened my eyes was the day my father said to me: "Your body is simply a chest, and it doesn't matter if the chest is beautiful if it is empty on the inside! So stop worrying about the shell on the outside and start focusing on the empty space on the inside."
That's when I realized I should spend every day of my life comparing myself not with other people, but simply with myself the day before. If I'm a little bit kinder or a little bit more patient or if I even only focus on one blessing or good skill I've got, that makes me a better person today than I was yesterday.

Answer 4

Try to do your best at everything you do.
Don't judge yourself by other people: there will always be someone smarter, better looking, etc.
Accept yourself, flaws and all.
Make the most of your assets.
Be friendly and kind to others.
Remind yourself that this is the only life you're going to have, so live it the best way you can.
Be kind to yourself. Don't dwell on your mistakes.
Let go of the extra baggage.

Good luck!!!

Answer 5

Set some goals for yourself that includes helping others. The more your life is filled with helping others; the easier it is to love and accept who you are. Also realize that some point in time everybody has trouble with self love and self acceptance; you're not alone.

Answer 6

Ask yourself, what good is it not to accept yourself the way you are? Who cares what the 'societal standard' is? Don't worry about the past, future, and what people may think of you. Life is all about the 'now'. enjoy it while we have it... and hey, worst case scenario? There's always at least a thousand people who have it a hell of a lot worse than you.

Answer 7

it took me years of pro. help to learn that, and it is really very simply look at your life honestly and keep what you like about yourself and what you don't like change it, it is not that hard,like if you smoke and know you should stop than tell yourself we are going to stop and then do what ever it takes to stop, that how you learn to love your self, by changing you, no one else can change you.

Answer 8

Go to a nursing home and sit with people who love company, go to a soup kitchen and service the poor..

Pretty soon, you won't worry about it, and realize what a wonderful person you are.. Sometimes, one has to give to receive.. Try it, it worked for me..

Answer 9

Look in the mirror and say, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and gosh darnit, people like me!'

In all sincerity, you just have to do it. Embrace what you like and change what you don't.

Answer 10

put a note on your mirror ...i am smart,i look good,etc and every mornin when you look in the mirror ...great way to start your day!