My husband works, and I stay at home with our daughter. I am with her 24/7. I love her with all my heart, but everyone needs a break don't they? I see it as he gets to go to work and get a way, but me, I am here, I no longer have the friends I use to, I moved on with my life and they are still partying it up.
I am just really stressed out about this situation because he gripes that he does not get to go fishing, but what is my fishing? I can't just up and leave. He is a wonderful father and husband its just he doesnt see that things change when you have a family.
*No sour answers please* just because we are a young married couple with a child doesn't mean we screwed up*and just because I said I moved on with my life doesnt mean I am just a dumb high school graduate, I am planning to go to college when she is about a year* So no rude answers such as, you should have kept your legs closed, or your to young for a baby.
i am 19 and he is 21
2007-02-02 06:46:19 · 16 answers · asked by ntkwilliamson@sbcglobal.net 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
see our families are close to us, but his mother usually watches her but since we got married in dcember we really havent went anywhere. His best friends birthday is sunday and his gf wants us to be there for a suprise party saturday and i said ok. but now we cant because hes going fishing early sunday morning so we cant be out late. I dono. Im just very angry. and can't get him to understand
2007-02-02 07:10:39 · update #1
I feel the same way as you alot. My husband always wants "personal time" but i never get any. My daughter is my joy, but sometimes i just need to be alone for a little while. Having children is really hard. And being a stay at home mom is even harder since you are the care provider all the time, but I bet in a few years you will look back on this time in your life and not even remember the hard stuff, you will just be greatful you got to stay home with her and be there for her.
2007-02-02 15:52:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not a stay at home anymore, but i was. Don't you have relatives? an aunt or grandmother to the baby? Let one of your relatives watch the baby for an hour or two. It'll be hard to leave the first time, but pick someone you can trust and it will be fine. It's even good for the baby to see other people, and getting a break for yourself will do wonders. I won't rag on your husband, I figure he's under a lot of stress too, 21 and a father, seeing all his friends partying too. If there's a grandmother , either side, maybe you guys could schedule a date night once or twice a month, even if you just go for a ride or to McDonald's everyone needs a break now and again.
2007-02-02 06:56:00 · answer #2 · answered by pitmanette 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well for starters marriage is a partnership and it requires work. I will admit that you two are rather young, and sometimes people who marry young have a different mindset about relationships, and the way things should be. It's great to be a stay at home mom, but my question is does this have an effect on the financial staus of the family? Also, what is wrong with you enrolling in clases now, most schools have on site day care. Maybe you two can come to some sort of agreement where you can have an all inclsusive weekend for just you, then he can have a weekend just for him, maybe designate a night,day, or weekend for just you two and call it date night. Even if that means that it will be late at night after your daughter goes to bed, it will be quality time. Good luck.
2007-02-02 07:23:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can relate. Fact is all of us can. You are not alone. You sound on edge and a bit down, and thats normal too. You dont mention how old bubs is, but is day care an option? i do this with my girls ( I have one 1 year old, and one two year old) i do this one day a week and i did it from when they were 7 months old. Granted its not at a day care centre but my wonderful neighbours house. On this day i do everything or anything i want. The dishes, washing, ironing, making beds etc can wait it will still all be there the next day. Its so important to have time out because coming back it makes you a better mother and wife. Resentment can be an awful thing to deal with and that happens if you stew on it instead of being active - after all we are human and deserve time out. Just think, women had a whole network way back! They had mothers, sisters, grandmothers, the comunity etc nowdays we are all seperate and the sense of community isnt really around. Maybe even having a day to yourself may put a smile back on your face - it did mine! but heres a hint - dont waste the time on housework though cause then you will have no one to blame but yourself! Perhaps get a babysitter once a month so you and hubby can chat adn go to dinner as well........*smiles*
2007-02-02 07:04:23 · answer #4 · answered by kelstar 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone needs a break sometimes. You need a break. The parents who are out working do realize what a nlessing it is. That they go. Most think stay at home moms have it the easiest. But what some don't realize is that the mom at home has no adult interaction. Where the ones who work get it. I am not saying one way is better than the other. I have been home with my twins now for 5 yrs and I am greatful for that opportunity. However, You need to get away. I go with my girlfriends at least once a month to dinner and drinks. Fortunately for me I have a good mother in law who watch es the kids for me once a week for a few hoursso me and hubby can have our time together even if it is going food shopping.By the way he goes with his friends once a month too. I know once a month isn't much but it does you good. Try and work out a system that works for you and yours.
2007-02-02 07:06:38 · answer #5 · answered by twins040401 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe many stay at home moms feel this way. You go from having a life of your own, not having to care about anyone but yourself. Now, you are responsible for another life. It's hard when you're not working, have friends with kids, or have people who can take care of your baby.
Maybe you can get a babysitter or a nanny for a weekend and you can get away with your hubby, or even by yourself so that he can go fishing and you can do whatever you would like.
It might help if you found a hobby or a group you can relate with. have a babysitter or a nanny watch your baby for a few hours and you can get a breath of fresh air. Join a reading group, a yoga class, or whatever might interest you. It helps if you have something else to look forward to during the week. And by the time you come home, you will be missing your baby so much! Go on craigslist.org if you are looking for a particular group, or go to meetin.org. If you like to wine taste, go on hikes, or whatever, they have an event for everyone! It's not a dating group, just looking for people who want to do things with similar interests.
Best of luck to you!
2007-02-02 07:00:02 · answer #6 · answered by Holly Golightly 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's ok, honey. All of us SAHM's feel that way sometimes. I feel like whenever he goes biking on a Saturday morning because he finally has time off like why doesn't he have to work 24 hours per day. It's important for you to talk to him about your feelings and see if you can work something out whereby maybe every other Sunday one of you takes the baby and the other can have the day, or even just a couple of hours off. I get every 3rd Sunday to do whatever I want, and sometimes I just leave the house to leave the house and leave them together.
Look on Yahoo groups, find a local mom's group. Support is so important for a first time mom. And you may find another mom that you like and trust and you guys can work out something where you take eachother's kid once a week so you both get a day off.
2007-02-02 06:51:47 · answer #7 · answered by Jilli Bean 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel like that too I'm 24 and my husband is 25, and we have two kids 2yrs and 5mo, He is never here cause he works all day long and when he gets home he is tired and doesn't want to do anything. It aggravates me to no end. So what we do is we try to get a babysitter at least once a week so we can have some us time, but still during the week I'm kinda jealous that he gets to leave but I am grateful at the same time that he takes care of us and keeps us eating.
2007-02-02 07:34:56 · answer #8 · answered by hotmoma_37 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am an 'old' SAHM, I am 31 and I still need a break every once in awhile. Everybody does!!! It's not good for you or your daughter for you to be only her mother all day every day. You need to be yourself for awhile. And it's not selfish. I work as a waitress on Sunday's to get out of the house and to make a little extra spending money. So, I feel like I am part of the world and I feel like I am contributing to the household. Two things that are important to me. And my hubby watches the kids that day so he gets the chance to understand what I do all week long!!! lol You just need to find something that fulfills you, and gives you a chance to feel human again. ;)
2007-02-02 06:59:03 · answer #9 · answered by ksueditz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Every mother needs a little time to herself. In the old days, there'd be a group of mothers in the neighborhood who would take the load off by keeping the kids for a few hours. Things change when the baby is about 3, they can communicate with you and it's easier.
He doesn't "get" to go to work, he HAS to in order to feed his family and keep a roof over your heads. I'm sure he knows things have changed with a family and as a man, he has a different role to fulfill.
You can check various churches for programs or babysitters and see if you can get a few hours a week to yourself
2007-02-02 06:53:14 · answer #10 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋