my husband exwife who he shares 2 children with got diagnosed with cancer last month.its curable and she has a huge local support team(mom,dad,sisters,freinds).the problem is she relies on my husband for everything.we now have both girls(which i love)almost full time(as she needed surgery and chemo) but continue to pay full child support to her.we are not rich by all means and this is really hurting us.plus she allways wants my husband to come visit her with the girls,or have my husband pick her up to bring her to the girls sports/school activities(her mom/sisters could do this to just as easly)the reason i seem so much like a b-tch is this women made our lifes hell befor she got sick i can't even begin to tell u the stuff she has done.now that shes sick she wants my husband to be her good friend.the problem is my husband does all this stuff for her and even throws extra money her way that we don't have.i do feel sorry for her but i can't forget all the things she has done to us.
2007-02-02 06:43:23 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
and no this has not changed her for the better she still very demanding of my husband and guilts him into doing things for her.plus after all shes been thru she still can't find a nice thing to say about me after all i have done for her girls.
2007-02-02 06:45:07 · update #1
That's the way it goes when you marry a man with a wife and kids. She will always be the mother of his children. You have to suck it up or leave.
2007-02-02 06:46:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
Well, 1st you need to make sure that your husband is on your side and that he understands where you are coming from. Secondly, why dont YOU take the kids to visit her and pick her up and what not, let her know that you are aware of her situation and that you are ok with it, but your husband has things to do. That way, she is still getting the added support, can see the kids, and anything else. Also, work out a schedule with your husband and her... He can help twice a week (and he also means you) and that if it is an emergency, you both will be able to show up or help.
Also, you should see a family lawyer about getting the child support temporarily suspended as your husband is currently caring for the children full time.
The BEST thing to do is to not become denying... This is the mother of his children and his exwife... She is someone that will be in your lives... Do your best to be supportive, but also lay down some common rules. Dont choose sides and make sure that you communicate efectivly with your husband at all times...
good luck!!!
2007-02-02 06:49:31 · answer #2 · answered by *meh* 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Just because the ex has now gotten sick doesn't mean that you and your husband have to turn your lives upside down to cater to her. She has a family and that is who she needs to go to for support. The only thing that she and your husband have in life together are the girls and if the the girls are being taken care of then she shouldn't be asking you all for anything else. If you all have the girls all the time then it is fair that your husband is paying her support. Child support is for the girls not the ex wife, and as long as your husband continues to do this for her the more she is going to want. I feel sorry for her but if the tables where turned would she do the same for you and your husband. She needs to go to her family for rides and things like that not your husband. The child support needs to go to the girl and where ever they are living. She is a adult let her figure out what is best for her. Your husband needs to be there for his girls and you and remember that they are divorced and he is no long responsible for her but he must be there for the kids.
2007-02-02 07:03:23 · answer #3 · answered by kimmiejokimmiejo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here it is, he and his Ex will always have a relationship which is tied with sharing those kids. Do you two share kids together? I hope so, but if not, you have to stop see his children as hers and start see the kids as yours. When you married you husband you knew he had two kids. You are now their mom too. I have 3 step kids and they are mine. As equal to me as the 3 I gave birth to in every way. They lived with their mom, moved in and out and back and fourth, but I never resented paying the bills or giving extra money to his ex who by the way has a nicer and bigger place then we do. It really does not matter. You know why it does not matter? BECAUSE YOU HAVE THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD (HIM) and you can get through these feelings if you let it go. let the past be, it won't change her or you or anything that was done or said about you, But! it will create a better environment for the kids, YOUR kids, you gained them at the wedding. I am not trying to be cynical, I just want to be blunt in hoping that you can open your eyes to see that you can not change other actions you can Only change your reactions to them. Try to find some peace and by loving the children, she may soften in time.
Tracylyn S
2007-02-02 08:23:15 · answer #4 · answered by Tracylyn S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a really difficult situation. you should make it clear to your husband how you feel about all he does for his ex. I can see maybe him helping her a little if it concerned the children. But his responsibility to her ended with their marriage. I would make it a point to go with him every time she wanted him to "come over" just to let her know that you are there and that you aren't going anywhere. You are his wife weather she likes it or not. It sounds like she has some letting go to do and you shouldn't turn your back for a second. Her being sick is sad but not an excuse to wreck your marriage. She needs to find other means of moral support.
2007-02-02 07:00:06 · answer #5 · answered by wannaknowtoo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you need to stay out all night long in order to have a proper night out? Since it sounds like your in-laws are perfectly willing to watch your daughter during the day, then have them watch her during the day sometimes and do something fun then...or get caught up on your sleep. It is not your in-law's responsibility to give you a break. Your time to stay out all night long was before your daughter was born....and in about 16 more years when she leaves for college. You're parents now. Thems the breaks. BTW, you can have mad wild sex with your husband while your daughter is sleeping. By the way, at 2 years old, your daughter should be sleeping through the night. If there is something medically wrong with her, then take her to the doctor. If there is not something medically wrong with her, then you need to take a parenting course to learn how to deal with this issue. We have a 2 year old at home and she has been sleeping through the night since she was about 4 months old. EDIT: At 2 years old it is common for children to sleep through the night. We put the 2 year old down at 8:30 and she sleeps until 7:45 in the morning. You are the one who is missing the point about your in laws. They do offer to help. However you aren't appreciating the help that they do offer because it isn't exactly how you want it.
2016-05-24 05:45:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Were you the reason her marriage broke up? Sorry, that's a bit blunt but if so, she probably feels that she would still be married and have the support she needs.
If it helps, my friend died on Sunday from cancer. Her estranged husband left his new partner and moved back in. Be glad that isn't happening to you.
Yes, it is unfair. But life is unfair. And no one wants to get cancer - which isn't always curable, even though the doctors tell you it is.
2007-02-02 06:49:42 · answer #7 · answered by True Blue Brit 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband needs to grow a set of Ba**s. The reason why she asks for him to bring them is because they are with you and it is pretty senseless to ask someone to go get them when he can just as well do it. She has him trapped by him taking care of them while she is sick and she knows it. He needs to stop giving her more money, because she isn't going to stop unless otherwise. I feel sorry for you. My husband's ex made our life a living hell for 10 years and didn't stop until after the kids turned 18. Good luck.
2007-02-02 07:08:41 · answer #8 · answered by Jacuzzi Lover 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am guilty of the same type of things as your hubby, its very hard when kids are involved, my ex did every terrible thing to me you can emagine, and for the first few years after the divorce I went out of my way to help her.
Im much better now, It takes time, and effort from him,
Approach him nicely, remember he has/had a large bond with her. and fighting is not the way to solve anything,
tell him how you feel, and wait for him to reject it, leave it alone til he cools off, then do it again,
2007-02-02 06:55:01 · answer #9 · answered by fighterace26 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem isn't the ex-wife. It's your husband. He can't say no to her.
Consider what your options are. I am going to be terribly direct. If she is dying, it's a short term problem and you will make it worse by asking him to stop. If she is not, you can either speak up for your needs now or accept that you will come second to her in your husband's life for the rest of your marriage..
2007-02-02 06:53:41 · answer #10 · answered by Buffy Summers 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and hubby have to go to a lawyer and re assess the child support situation. Its not being awful but fair. The ex wife should have support around her but their needs to be boundries in place when it comes to your husband. Although he is forever bound with her in regards to the girls, he is married and commited to you. Perhaps the two of you should sit and talk about these issues, after all im sure he doesn't want his marriage to you to fail now does he? When you got married, obviously she was nasty, talk with him about that. Cancer in the equation can be tricky but its something that needs attention sooner rather than later.
2007-02-02 06:52:44 · answer #11 · answered by kelstar 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋