I am dying with thyroid cancer. I have met the love of my life but am not with him because I am married. My husband doesnt seem to care about me. I havent told either of them I am dying and dont know if I should because how could 1.) It be compartmentalized and 2.) I dont want to complicate the situation. I dont know how long I have but I dont want to hurt anyone or be alone. I also dont want anyone's decision to be with me based on this. What do I do?
2007-02-02 06:29:05 · 27 answers · asked by lllll 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
What kind of thyroid cancer do you have? I am 30, had my thyroid removed, 2 neck dissections, a thoracotomy to remove a node near my heart and I don't take up iodine any more. The nodes I had grew very quickly. I am not dying from it and my case has been only the 20th documented for its' rareness. If you wanna talk, you can email me.
Jen
2007-02-02 11:38:56 · answer #1 · answered by jen19801976 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel that Love is a choice not a feeling...So with that in mind you are choosing the man of your affairs to be the Love of your life instead of honoring your commitment to your husband.
First I would get rid of the new "supposed love of your life" and choose to honor your commitment to your husband whether he chooses to honor his or not! 2 Wrongs do not make a right; you can still choose to love him even if he does not return that sentiment, or whether you "feel" like it.
Second I would tell your husband that you are dying. And continue to be a loving faithful wife, to the man you promised you would.
The situation is already complicated, for you. So why would you care about someone who didn't respect you enough to respect the fact that you were married regardless of the state of your marriage. It is clear he was only thinking of himself first and you too.
I see that from there a couple of things might happen...One.) Just from hearing you are sick your husband may begin to feel compassionate and remorseful for the way he treated you, thus improving your relationship. You wouldn't be alone. And even though you hurt the other guy (maybe) you wouldn't hurt the man you promised not to. Two.) Even if he chooses to continue to not care about you at least you know you did the right thing, and you can die knowing that you were a loving person to an undeserving person, which is more noble, loving someone who deserves and respect your love, or doing it regardless because it is the right thing to do? Even if your husband feels obligated to stay with you, you should be thankful & appreciate it, because even thought he would feel like he doesn't have a choice, ultimately he still does.
My vote is spending what short time you have left doing what is right, not what is selfish.
Also by not telling either of them that is a selfish thing to do, not selfless!
2007-02-02 14:54:29 · answer #2 · answered by Boppysgirl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The first thing to do is pray about it. Then you need to let both of them know. Your husband may care and not know how to show it...telling him that you are dying may make him realize how short life is and that he only has a short time with you. If you don't tell him, he'll probably regret it for the rest of his life. Give him the
chance to make it up to you. The love of your life needs to know because how can he be a true love if you keep a big secret like this from him. He too may regret his actions if you don't tell him.
If it was my case, the love of my life would be my husband and therefore there would be no secrets. My boyfriend and I have already decided not to keep secrets from each other. We love the Lord and would pray for healing together.
2007-02-02 14:40:25 · answer #3 · answered by Jan P 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, how things change 4 months ago you were trying to figure out how to unconventionally celebrate your 21st birthday. Thyroid cancer has about a 98 percent survival rate, so since you are in the Air Force, maybe you should go to the VA and see if they can help, as for your 29 year old boyfriend, what makes you think your husband hasn't found out about your Yahoo postings and has already filed for divorce?
2007-02-02 14:45:08 · answer #4 · answered by Devil in Details 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would call Pastor Henry Wright of the Pleasant Valley Church in Thomaston, GA 1-800-342-5604 and tell him that your doctor said that you are dying with thyroid cancer. Miracle cures happen every day by the Lord in this church, but the boyfriend that you have been seeing behind your husband's back just maybe why you have this disease. A curse, without a cause, does not come. Thyroid cancer is a curse. Without God, we are all alone. It is time to seek God and ask Jesus into your life.
2007-02-02 14:44:54 · answer #5 · answered by Jeancommunicates 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It doesn't seem to me that many people read the word "HYPOTHETICAL."
Anyway, your question seems a bit odd. Most people who are in cancer treatment are not focusing in on relationships. Instead they are trying to focus their lives on finding a way to survive. This is one reason I really thought your question comes from someone who is not seriously engaged in a medical battle.
If, on the other hand, you were to be trying to figure out relationship issues by turning to a third party while in the midst of a cancer battle, that would suggest that you are displacing your anxiety about death onto your romantic life. Either way, I would suggest that you consider getting into psychotherapy to help you focus on your priorities and decisions. The scenario you paint makes you appear both dishonest and conniving. I'm not certain that's the legacy someone would envision for themselves.
2007-02-02 14:45:11 · answer #6 · answered by NHBaritone 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
We're all dying. It doesn't give any of us cause to hurt people. Maybe your husband doesn't seem to care about you because you've pulled yourself away with him (secrets, affair, ...) He's probably just withdrawn from you in self-defense. If you only have a small amount of time to left to live, why cause pain for those that will be left here to live on in your absence? Forget the "love of your life" - when we're in stressful times, we tend to imagine feelings for someone else so we have an escape path. Fear makes us do stupid things.
Be honest with your husband. Hold on to him. Give him an opportunity to be there for you. And when he is, accept what he offers and stop looking over the fence because the grass will not be greener.
2007-02-02 14:38:05 · answer #7 · answered by Gabrielle 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you should tell your husband and avoid temptation with the other guy. You took an oath for better or worse in sickness or in health didn't you? You and your husband believed and told each other that you were each others soul mates so why would you not believe that now. If you never tell him that's not right and it's not fair. How can he choose to support you or not if you never give him that opportunity? Do you think he will never find out that you are dieing or that you did die from cancer? If you did keep that from him and he did find that out later in his life don't you think he'd be hurt that you didn't trust him enough to tell him? Married people aren't suppose to keep secrets from each other, that's what keep them apart.
2007-02-02 14:43:07 · answer #8 · answered by Angelica 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My advice is to go to another oncologist. You need to know if it has metastisized. If it hasn't, then have your thyroid removed and take thyroid medicine. Regardless of whether it has spread or not, you need to tell your husband about your cancer and stay with your husband. You took vows, and a portion of those vows said "in sickness and in health". Anyone who would leave their spouse due to illness is a downright horrible person, and I doubt you married a horrible person. At least, I sure hope not. You also vowed to your husband to be faithful. Having cancer doesn't give you the right to cheat on him, so please don't go in that direction.
EDIT:
WHAT in the world is wrong with all of these people who told you to leave your husband to be with the one you love??? They are MARRIED, people!! Doesn't that mean ANYTHING????? We live in a "me" centered society: do what is best for you, take care of number one... When you are married there is no ME. There is only WE. If you have decided to love someone else, shame on you for allowing yourself to even LOOK at another person! The first portion of my answer was soft, and I added this portion to let you know that many people have given you bad advice. I don't want you to die at all, but just because you think you might gives you no right to sin. Please tell your husband about your cancer, cut off contact with the other person, and focus on getting well.
2007-02-02 14:36:24 · answer #9 · answered by Iamnotarobot (former believer) 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Yikes...
Id say that you need to be with the one you love. You shouldnt waste what little valuable time that you have with your husband if he cares nothing about you... But how do you leave him and still carry on at this point?? That, I cannot answer...
I wish you the very best, in both life and love. If I could, I would give you some of my thyroid...
Phoenix - you made me cry!
2007-02-02 14:35:40 · answer #10 · answered by YDoncha_Blowme 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋