Is mother wrong for not encouraging better relationships with siblings?

Question

My younger brother stopped speaking to me due to a very petty problem. We haven't argued, and I let him know that I wanted to resolve the situation. Prior to this, I thought that we were close. When I asked my mother why he wasn't speaking to me, since she indicated that she knew, all she said was that he thinks that I'm living in another world. When I asked what she meant, she said that she wasn't going to get involved. I think what she said made her involved, especially since she obviously has spoken with my brother about the situation. My mother and I have never really gotten along, and I think that she is wrong for not hearing my side especially after speaking to my brother about it. My older brother also is in on this in the same manner. I am at the point where I don't want anything to do with any of them because of this situation. I think that my brother was wrong to even say anything to my mother due to the fact that he knows she is usually against me. What do you think?

I stored somethings in my brothers house and he lost and damaged them. I was upset at the loss of property but told him I knew I just had to get over it. The next thing I know he just refused to talk to me, wont answer my calls and even ignored my letter that I sent him. He has since moved and I don't even know where, since we don't speak.

When my brothers are angry at me my mother takes their side, and lets me know. I am not an unreasonable person and always felt that I'd rather do the right thing than be right.

Please help!

Please help!

Answer 1

This issue is between you and your brother it should have been kept between you and your brother, it was unfair of him to bring your mother into it.

Answer 2

This is the way that I see it. This is not your mother's problem, and it's not your older brother's problem. It's a problem between you and your brother who is upset with you. I can say from experience that ALL siblings feel that the parent always loves the other children more and always takes their side in everything, and that's what I think is happening here. Wake up. I am not so sure that you're seeing the whole picture.

You said that your brother moved and that you don't even know where he is. I suggest that you write a letter simply saying that you are sorry for any hurt you have caused and that you hope that he will come to realize that your relationship is more important than material things. You sound as though you are over the anger of bad things happening to your belongings, I hope that's true. Stuff is only stuff. You certainly can't take it with you when you go, and your relationship with your brother will last for eternity, wherever that may be for either of you. One thing I would do is to ask your mom, in a very loving way, to please get the letter to your brother and ask him to read it. Tell her you don't want any details, just please do this favor for you. Oh, and make sure that you tell them that you love them! ALL of them! Life's too short to not spend time with the ones you love.

Answer 3

You're right, a parent should help kids be and stay close. However, some parents don't know how to do that and foster competition and dislike among their children. Sounds like you are grown so you have a different situation. If the issue is keeping your relationship with your brother then focus on him.
Send your brother an invite to lunch, sit down and tell him that he matters. Sometimes talking through other people adds to confusion and misunderstanding, probably better to be direct especially if the people in your family are saying "leave me out of it"
If it is petty and you can fix it, try. Broke it or lost something of his, replace it, Said something wrong, apologize with a note, a classified add in your local paper or a note with their favorite beverage on their car. Be clever. Let them know they matter and you want a relationship. Your mom is a different can of worms/ does being against you translate to " not approving or supporting your choices" Maybe talk to someone with experience about your mom, but handle your brother on your own if you are an adult.
Good Luck.

Answer 4

It's very hard to answer when all you know is one side of the question....but I see two things. It is not just the relationship with your brothers, but also with your mother.

It sounds like your brothers are grown up since they have their own place to live. Since I don't know what "property" you are talking about, it's hard to understand why you would have your things at his house....perhaps he thought you didn't want them? Why did you store them there? And since you say it was a minor thing, why make an issue of the items...which you must of done since it caused such a problem.

Maybe you need to think about your mother's comment....instead of focusing on the fact she knew about it, what did her
comment mean? Were you being unreasonable about the whole thing?

Perhaps he talked to your mother trying to figure out what to do.

What I can see is you are really having a problem with your family relationships and it can't be "all" their fault....some of it may be.
So back off for awhile....time may solve some of it....and then start trying to think of them and what they need from you...and not just yourself. I see a lot of "me,me me" in this letter. Am I wrong?

Answer 5

I'm not sure why your angry with your mother or older brother, they are not doing anything wrong. By them refusing to disclose information to you, really means that they love you both, will not pick sides and will not be a part of your spat. It's kinda refreshing actually (my own mother is the opposite and spouts off anything we tell her to the other siblings , she just loves chaos).
Go and make peace with your brother, although you may not feel you did anything wrong be the better person and apologize. Why waste time on this if it was minor, stop over analyzing it and move on. Make the best out of it and remember family is family and will always be there to lend a helping hand, even if you think they won't.

Answer 6

Sounds like your family has decided to freeze you out.
This is not a good way for problems to be handled.
And YES!, your mother is dead wrong for speaking to your brothers about the situation and not trying to hear your side. ESPECIALLY since she claims to NOT want to be involved. You are correct in saying that by making her comment to you she involved HERSELF.
Sounds to me like you're a reasonable person, you just have some sort of screwed up family. The best thing for you to do is just to try to go on with your life. Your family is never going to change, unfortunately. Just don't let it affect your self-image.
YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM HERE!!

Answer 7

bottom line, they are what you are stuck with. I am not suggesting you do as i did but... along time ago, my mom did something to piss me off. after nearly 5 yrs i couldn't remember what started the fight so i called her. sure i missed her but it was much better to not fight or feel i had to defend myself every time we talked! we both still have our own ideas and opinions and when we talk and its heading down hill, either we change subjects or end the call with a " OK. talk to you later, love you" . Let your brother(s) and mother do their thing. it hurts to feel as your the person out, but what can you do? they wont explain & if you really believe you reacted and behaved in the same manner any of your family would have. your concious should be clear. if you let it go, as you said, then forget about it. this is their problem. go on with your life, be happy!!! don't bring it up again to your mother or anyone else. your brother will come around again. he moved and is just busy with other things in his life, you may be making more of this than need to be. smile, God loves you.

Answer 8

Its normal for you or your brother to ask for help from Mom. As she is the one still speaking to both parties. But she is not giving you any help. So, next thing to put a closure on this is to ask her where he lives so you can take it to him. So, you can attempt to solve the question why. But if you cant.. then let go and know you made an effort. Love is not judging and leaving the door open for when he isn't stuck on stupid.

Answer 9

I think your mother is a big part of the problem, don't ever try to please her, who would do these things to their own childern, siding with just one of them. My mother has Bi-Polar and he has been trying to tear my family apart, I think it's jealousy. She constantly talks about me behind my back to my siblings and she dosent realize that the relationship I have with them is really strong and we support each other. And are you a middle child? I'm the middle child and I never got the things my brother and sister did (EX: car, class ring, taking drivers ed, paying for everything myself including my school fees) If i dont live so close to my mom I would just forget about her, act as if she's not my mother becasue she dosent seem to act like it. YOur mom is plating mind games with you and shes very much involved though she tells you "so dosent want to get involved."

Answer 10

It really depends on what the problem is. If you have done something horrible to someone and everyone else knows you did it, well then I can see why they'd be freezing you out. On the other hand, if it really is petty, then I'd just ask your brother to tell you what the problem is.

Answer 11

Your brother was hurt b/c he was doing you a favour by storing your things for you and they got damaged and you took it out on him that is hurtful. But he will get over it blood is thicker than water.lol