When does she start paying for dates?

Question

I have had a great girl now for about 6 months who is a great match for me. She makes good money and I make great money. I always have to pay for the dates. Its as if since I make more I have to pay. When and how should this become more equal?

Just to clarify I dont mean for her to split everything. I mean for her to take me out..say one out of 5 times.

Answer 1

Talk to her and ask her

Answer 2

AHA! You make great money and she makes good money! Bet your landlords don't differentiate between the sexes when they charge rent!

Get into a discussion of traditional values and customs, many that we follow today are hold-overs from only the 1800's. Bring up the custom of wages (most women still make 76 cents for men's dollar) and seque into the date paying. She really should have brought it up by now. Maybe she has been paying for other things? See how she reacts. Hopefully she'll get the hint and offer to split the bill if not on every date, then on some dates.

Answer 3

The problem is not in when should she pay but in your sense of entitlement that you should not have to do so exclusively anymore. I understand why and don't have a problem with it but as long as you're making great money and she is such a "great girl" in your estimation then I would think you would want to spend money on her. If you couldn't afford to do so then that would be one thing, but since you obviously can I would re-evaluate this. If you don't you stand the chance of becoming bitter about it and that will only poison the good thing you have going. Think of it this way, if you two get married she will more than likely be fixing you alot of dinners at home and whether you two eat home or go out your money (now that you're married) will be combined and then you'll both be paying.

If after six months you have realized she's a great match for you then I would be more concerned with getting her a ring and getting her to the altar. It's hard to find someone like that so I'd count my blessing instead of my money, unless you're spending so much that it's ridiculous. Once or twice a week at a reasonably priced establishment should not be a problem. It it is then cut back on it and try doing other things that don't cost as much.

Good Luck!!!


P.S.

If you do ask her to pay, and I see nothing wrong with it please, please PLEASE know that it is rude, inconsiderate and awkard to ask her to pay before the date. Alot of times women base what they order on what they think you can afford and as the "payer" you have some say over that. For instance, if she suggests somewhere you can't afford then you have the chance beforehand to decline and suggest something else. This is called "Polite Hinting". If you two havn't discussed this before now then chances are you don't know what her bills or debt are any more than she knows yours. So don't ask her at the end of the meal or even as you're parking at the restaurant. During that interlude when you pick her up and you are discussing where you'd like to go, ask her about it. Don't do it after you've decided or at the end of the date. At the end of the date you want to leave her feeling good, not flustered or unsure. After you've decided where to go she is likely to feel pressured or put upon and her reaction may be negative although in truth she may not mind paying at all. It's just...basic good manners and practicality. Say she $60 left in her budget for....whatever. If you've been paying all along she has not budgeted for this and that isn't her problem, doesn't make her bad or indicate she doesn't want to pay, maybe she can't at the moment but if she has some prior notice on your part then she can plan for it.

Back to the $60.........if that's all she has and you ask her this at the end of the meal or as you're going in she may be stressed because she didn't know she would have to cover it.

ANOTHER POINT OF VIEW:

Men typically pay for the date, and Women typically pay for the appearance of it. Or rather, they pay for their appearance. She probably spends money on her hair, her nails, makeup and perfume not to mention clothes. She gets herself looking nice for you and that does NOT come cheap either so take that into account as well. And if the two of you are intimate then she has probably got to take care of her BC as well as perhaps buying lingerie and I can say unequivocally that lingerie is ALWAYS EXPENSIVE. A bra/panty set can easily run upwards of $60 and as for anything "racier" well, that would make the b/p set look ridiculously cheap.

So, I wish you well with this and I hope she can help you out and you two make it. But it should be a conversation that is started after you have thought it all out and it should be kept as light as possible.

Good Luck!!!

Answer 4

In the old days a gentleman paid if he took a lady out. If you were "Just" friends, it would be fair to expect that she might pay her way and you pay yours. If she's a girlfriend, she probably thinks that your quite the gentleman and a great catch. It's hard to find a man whose also a gentleman these days. Much harder when your younger as opposed to when you get older. I'm in my 40's though. So I'm sure there will be varying lines of thought on this question. Are you thinking about marriage with this girl? Be careful how you approach this. I hope it all works out for you both. Best Wishes!

Answer 5

If she's a great girl, then you should be able to talk to her about this yourself. It may be a cultural thing and she's not even aware you have an issue with it. But, be prepared--you've set a precedent here, and she may decide you weren't brought up right if you expect her to start paying for dates. And FYI, the general rule of etiquette is, the person who asks for the date pays.

Answer 6

Traditionally a man is supposed to pay for the date. Especially if he asked her out. If she asks you on a date then she should pay but i dont suggest you do that. If it bothers you that much mention it to her and see what she says. But go easy, finances are a touchy subject with some people and it has ended many relationships. Good luck.

Answer 7

The reason you are paying is not because you make more. It is because that is what society has accepted as normal. Some girls will offer to pay from the beginning because they feel that it is also their responsibility. But the truth of it is that men are always supposed to be. It will be that way until you are married, and then it doesn't really matter anymore.

Answer 8

Every couple is different, so you'll have to figure out what works best for you. In American society, it is generally accepted that the man pays, to show his interest in the woman, and because he usually makes more money to begin with. It is something nice he does for her, like opening doors for her - of course she CAN do it for herself, but he loves her enough to want to treat her. She should, of course, make an effort to treat him now and then to show her love for him - especially on his birthday and occassions like that.

Once couples start living together and combining their finances, there is generally a shared household account to pay for this sort of thing, and each person contributes to the fund as they are able to.
when in doubt, TALK with her and communicate honestly - let her know that you care about her, but that you want to create a more balanced payment system for your dates.
Don't just spring it on her and expect her to start paying for dates just cuz you ask - you've set a precedent, and she'll be hurt if you suddenly insinuate that she's a gold-digger and ought to pay her own way.

Answer 9

Well the guys are the one who should be paying for the dates dbut since you see it like that well actually its not because you make more money its just cause your the guy Well i think you should just say "From now on whoever invites should pay a little more than half" and than see whet happens from there

Answer 10

Well first off all it's not the fact that you make more, it's the fact that you're the guy. Whoever asks out should pay. But if you guys are boyfriend and girlfriend then she should at least pay half....but the fact that you're that cheap to want her to pay for half, eventhough you make more than her, then if you ask her she may have a problem. So good luck!

Answer 11

Ok I always do the paying even though she offers to pay it sometimes or even half. Mmmm yu could talk to her and show her how you feel. Of course shell agree and if she gets mad then forget her man. Serious a couple has to help each other out and neither should take advantage of the other.