My last bf cheated on me so it's really hard to trust this really sweet guy I have met. How can I trust again?

Question

Thank you to everyone that responded, i really appreciate the answers. They really helped :)

Answer 1

Lesbianism or foreigners
All of my friends who are straight girls are constantly in pain except one friend who is engaged to an irish guy who acts like no guy I've met in America. Even the guys who proclaim to be good guys and seem good end up freaking out and hurting their ladies. Even my guy friends who are the sweetest friends are Aholes when it comes to relationships. They get their hearts broken by women every once in a great while.
While all the lesbians I know seem to have much better success rates. Occasionally some girl is a total jerk but not at the same rate men are.
This even applies to almost every older woman i've worked with or who my mom is friends worth. Men always do these ridiculous freak out things.
This sounds awful but I think something is wrong with men's brains. They are somehow damaged. Maybe it is their parents fault- i dunno.
besides women are so much prettier and smell nicer.

Answer 2

The whole act of trusting again has no formula. It's all about knowing when you are ready. If you are with a "sweet" guy, and you can't trust him, you are not ready.

Here's what I suggest:
- try to keep your "distrustful" feelings capped. In other words, don't start hitting him with questions like "where were you?", "who was that calling on your phone." Don't ask questions that makes it very obvious that you don't trust off the bat.
- share with him your feelings about relationships. You don't have to get into detail about what your ex did, but do make note to him that you have been hurt before. This gives him the opportunity to understand where you are coming from, and fairly gives him the right to decide if he wants to deal with it. It's kinda selfish to want to be with someone, not trust them based on past experience, and expect them to stick around and deal with it without giving them an equal opportunity to decide.
- give everything time. If the guy is sweet, but you can't help not trusting him, and expressing that in various actions and/or words, you may want to separate and give yourself time to heal.

When I broke up with my cheating ex, I knew for a while, the last thing I wanted was a relationship, because I had trust issues. I didn't try to jump into anything, because I had to be honest with myself. Sometimes, you can lose the best thing because you didn't give yourself the necessary time to heal.

Answer 3

As hard as it is to trust again after being cheated on, it's a requirement to maintain a healthy and happy relationship. Remind yourself that this new guy is NOT your ex. Try to treat this guy as if you never dated before except now you have learned knowledge in how to date. Treat it as something new and special. Try to let go of your past. The only thing our past serves is learned experience. There is nothing we can do about it but learn from it. Dwelling on it will not help at all and may even sabotage your current and future relationships. Good luck!

Answer 4

I am going through that right now with my girlfriend. The only advise I can give you is don't make him pay for the mistakes of others.
My girlfriend assumes I am going to do the same thing that her ex did so she automatically gets mad if I don't call right away or if I forget to tell things she thinks I am hiding things. I am constantly reminding her that I am not going to hurt her like those other b i t c h e s.
If you really like him you have to let him gain his trust from you. You should also let him know how you feeling. Maybe if he knows this then he can ease your mind a little.

Answer 5

trust/respect are earned. open your heart a little bit more each time you see him/talk to him. i know it's scary. also remember that you did not do anything wrong for your last b/f to cheat on you-that was all on him. i know it's hard to believe right now but not everyone wants to hurt you that way. there are still some decent, caring, sweet guys left in the world. the only way to know is to open your heart again. being vulnerable is scary/hard but you may just find someone who truly cares and loves you. wouldn't that be worth it.

Answer 6

You must trust again, because loving is a matter of trust. Without trust, there is no real relationship. Give people the benefit of the doubt, until they prove themselves NOT worthy of your trust. If you do NOT trust again, you are going to be very lonely for a long time, until you start trusting people again.

Answer 7

1st u have to get the idea out of ur head that all guys r the same.Dont give in to this really sweet guy either,in a relationship u always have to earn someones trust its not just given to them. Thats how people get hurt.Give it time and when u feel comfortable w/ur feelings then ull know how u really feel.

Answer 8

That is a normal defense mechanism. But if you really like this guy and he's a "good" guy then all I can say is don't hold what's happened to you in the past against him as if he committed the mistakes. Give him a clean slate to work with but don't be blind like before and keep your eyes open. You could also let him know how u feel and so he knows what he's dealing with. If he is still interested then it's worth the try.

Answer 9

You just have to take the chance until he starts to give you signs that he is not trustworthy. There is no way of telling whether you can trust a person or not until they break that trust. That is why trust is so precious and once you lose it, you never gain it back. But it sucks to give it and then have it taken advantage of.

Answer 10

We are living in a not so perfect world with betrayal and disappointments. You just need some time to recover from your heart's wounds and try to believe and trust again, but only this time at a more cautious pace.