How does he stop sleeping with her?

Question

a nine year old girl (my bf's daughter) insists on sleeping with daddy at night and snuggling and cuddling. i think she's getting too old for this, especially now that she's started showing interest in boys at school. how do i talk to my bf about not sleeping with her anymore? (it's not a jealousy thing for me, i just think it's inappropriate at a certain age). Any suggestions on how to phase out this sleeping arrangement would be helpful. thanks

Answer 1

I think that's fine. Let dad spend the time with his daughter, her family as she knows it is all out of whack. Allow him this time with his little girl. I don't understand how a little girl snuggling and cuddling with her daddy is a bad thing. So what she is 9, the only thing inappropriate would be if he is touching or molesting her. I am sure you don't think that is happening, otherwise you wouldn't be with him. I'd not have that conversation with him, just leave it be. This is going to be a tough relationship for you. I'd maybe look else where for someone with out children. I think it's great dad wants to spend (snuggle time) with his daughter, many men don't like the snuggley part of parenting, lol.

I know you said your not jealous, but come on, think about it, if you two get married, where are you going to sleep?lol His first priority should be to his daughter, which leaves you second. If you find a man w/out children you'll be FIRST!, that will feel good.

Good Luck

Answer 2

Being that this is ur best friend, I hope that they can take advise without being offended. And I hope that u can give it without being offensive. My best friend's sister has a 6 year old son that insists on getting in the shower wtih her. This too seems inappropriate, but then there is the knowing ones place. Yes, u should bring it up. Not because something might happen, but because it concerns u. And there is nothing orse than an unvoiced concern that is eating at a person. It causes misunderstood tension in a friendship on both sides, urs becuz u have the concern, and the friend becuz they can only imagine what is bothering u. Do remember that this is thier child. Once u have voiced ur concern and u have a response, LEAVE IT ALONE. If this is too hard for u move away from the situationfor a while. This may cause a strain but it is better than having a bigger problem once ur concerns become suspicions. Also, please understand that the childs blossoming interest in boys is totally different from the father daughter relationship and the childs dependency on DADDY. Most children see thee daddies as their heroes not as sex objects, no matter how Fiiiiiiine the man is. No offense meant but a person that is addicted to sex does not take pleasure in seeing their parents having sex. It disgusts them. I also get a certain feeling when u mention that u are not jealous. That did not fit into the subject. this leads me to say in the nicest way possible that u should check ur true concerns for this situation. If u think that there is something else that makes u concerned then please address them alone before concerning this friend with ur feelings.
P.S. I have re read this question and realized that it is ur boyfriend. I still feel the same way about the jealous part, but if this is causing a problem with ur relationship talk it out. There might be the feeling of replacement that she has with ur relationship. Just remember,if anyone goes it will be u so handle it carefully. If it is happening if ur staying over it is obviously gonna come to a head if u feel this way. If this is taking it's toll,get out of this situation if it the cons outway the pros.

Answer 3

I agree with you. She needs to become more independent. Still sleeping with the parents at her age is really unusual.

Do you think there is there a reason for it? Like, is she too scared to sleep in her bedroom alone? If so, try a night light and soft music, and cut out any TV shows that may be triggering an overactive imagination. Dad could also sit in there with her for awhile before she falls asleep, gradually cutting back on the time he spends in there until he doesn't need to be in there at all.

Good luck....!

Answer 4

She's about 8 years too old to not be sleeping alone. Daddy and daughter probably need to see a family counselor for help on this one at this stage. This isn't something that lends itself to "suggestions". It has to stop now.

Answer 5

I dont think thats right at all, talk to your bf and daughter. Together. And tell them it isnt right. Shes old enough now to be sleeping on her own. Maybe security issues. Find out. Good Luck.

Answer 6

tell him she's getting older and will need her privacy. so offer to prepare her own room for. talk to her as an adult , children love the thought of being 'big'.

it is definitel time for her to sleep on her own. but understand that she may be doing it out of need- need to know he's there, need to know she has her hold over him, once she's there, you're not!!!

it's easier for a daughter to see her parents sleeping together than, her dad sleeping with someone else.

Answer 7

i understand about how you are worried that your bf's daughter is too old to sleep w/ daddy nightly , but , remember if the daughter has gone through a harrowing experience with say a death of a female parent she is having nightmares about the loss of her female parent and being with daddy helps drive the bad dreams away this should soon clear itself as long as there is nothing further developing about it ( if you understand my meaning)

Answer 8

just tell him that she is getting too old to do this. tell him that she needs her own privacy as well as you and him do. if she has been doing this ever since she was really young, this may be hard for you to accomplish. it will not happen overnight either. just start to slowly work the child into her own room. it is best for all of you. hope this helps. good luck.

Answer 9

she should sleep away from her father at this age
how you are going to get them to agree...I don't know
maybe dad should be convinced first then he can start the change by letting her stay just to settle then go to her own bed
I told my children at that age that there just was not enough room since they were growing so quickly and were so much bigger than they were as toddlers.

Answer 10

Simply tell him that it isn't appropriate for him to be sleeping with his pubescent daughter. She needs to sleep in her own bed. Before bed they can snuggle and cuddle but sleeping arrangements should be seperate. If he argues, give him the number to CPS and have him ask THEM if they think it is appropriate.