We announced our engagement in the summer. My sister got engaged in the fall. We are supposed to get married this summer. My sister originally planned on getting married in the fall. Now she wants to move her wedding to the spring.
I know it is selfish but I am very upset. I announced first. I don't want her to get all the attention. This was supposed to be my fiancee and I's time.
How should I handle this situation?
2007-02-02 04:51:23 · 26 answers · asked by Angie Woods 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
More info:
I am actually most worried about family chosing to go to her wedding and not mine. They will have to travel to go to mine. I wonder about stretching their resources to include two family weddings within two months of each other.
I'm also concerned about money. We are mostly paying for the wedding ourselves. But we are having some family help. We have already made reservations and hired people. We don't have enough money to pay for everything.
For those who wrote that I should grow up and that it's not all about the wedding day but the marriage- I recognize that this a petty element to my concern. I am more interested in figuring out how to deal with the situation in a diplomatic and adult manner. Thank you.
2007-02-02 06:35:27 · update #1
You said your family will have to travel for yours and not for your sisters right? Is there anyway you and your fiance would consider changing your venue so you wouldn't have to worry about family members going to your sisters wedding and not yours? I have two sisters so I know how you feel. I would also be upset if one of my sister's did that (you can't control your emotions and you aren't being selfish, it is your time and you want it to enjoy it). Enjoy your time and enjoy the fact that your sister is also getting married. Talk to her openly about how you feel, she probably doesn't even realize that she is hurting you. If you don't talk to her about how you feel you may blow up at her and cause damage to your relationship, be honest with her I'm sure she'll understand.
2007-02-05 13:11:26 · answer #1 · answered by UhOH! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to grow up and get over it. Your sisters wedding is going to have its own flair, and she'll get all the attention there, and you'll get all the attention at your wedding. My sister's wedding was 3 months after mine, and neither one of us were "gypped" on attention at our ceremonies.
I would be more concerned about the amount of pressure this will put on your parents having 2 daughters get married so close to each other. My mother said (after my sister's wedding) never again. Why don't you start thinking of other people more, and less of yourself? And why don't you try to at least fake being happy for your sister, instead of acting like a 4 year old?
I also liked the person who said you get a wedding DAY, not a wedding YEAR!!! I also liked the person who said you need to put more emphasis on your marriage than the wedding. I always tell brides the wedding is 1 day, but your marriage is supposed to last a lifetime.
2007-02-02 13:42:46 · answer #2 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not like she planned it for the same day or even the same season for that matter.....
I don't think that she did it with any ill-will in mind, maybe she just likes the color schemes available better?/maybe the site for either the ceremony or reception isn't available in the fall?/maybe somebody in it will be unable to participate in the fall?/MAYBE she's just EXCITED and her and her fiancee want to be married sooner???
If you start thinking of yourself as the center of the universe just because you're getting married, you're going to be VERY stressed and disappointed. There a thousands of weddings on any/every given Saturday...but "your day" is "your" day. Don't worry, you'll still be in the spotlight when it's your turn..
You are each going to be "THEEE" person of the day when it's your day...don't turn this into a bitter competition thing. I'm sure that there will be areas of your wedding that she could interpret as you trying to up-stage what she had done.
Just BE HER SISTER and help her to celebrate HER day...and then she can return the favor and help YOU celebrate YOUR day
2007-02-02 13:37:55 · answer #3 · answered by secret_oktober_girl 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Assuming you normally get along, I liked the suggestion to have a double wedding. It would save your parents a TON of money. Think of all the fun you could have with your sister as you plan the event. I too think weddings are highly overrated. I did not have a big one and neither did my daughter ( her choice was to opt for a great honeymoon and keep the wedding low key.) I find it ludicrous to spend money on big events that you will hardly enjoy due to the stress of the planning. I have talked to so many people that had big weddings that say they hardly remember them because they were so tired and stressed out. Another thing to consider is how does your fiancee feel? Conflict while planning the wedding can be very harmful to your relationship. Don't forget to ask for his honest input.
Good luck!
2007-02-02 13:06:12 · answer #4 · answered by arkiemom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with everyone else. It's not that big of a deal. Let her have her day. On her wedding day, she's the bride and she rightfully should have all the attention, whether she gets married before or after you.
On your wedding day, you'll be the bride, and you'll get to be the princess for the day and have all eyes on you. It doesn't matter who does it first. Just try to be happy with the fact that you've both found someone you want to share your lives with!
As far as wedding planning goes, it's still your fiance's and your time. Just keep doing what you're doing and plan your special celebrations. Congratulations and best of luck to you!
2007-02-02 13:58:25 · answer #5 · answered by sylvia 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell her exactly how you feel, it is your time!
My sister did the same thing, I got engaged, then she got engaged a week later, then on my wedding day she announced that she was getting married three weeks later! I understand compleatly why you would be upsett, I didnt say anything about it and instead brooded over it for a very long time, im still upsett because she always does things like that. I would say something to her, dont be mean, but if she wont change it, then be mean! I think you would regret it later if you didnt say anything at all. I really really hope that it all works out! Congratulations by the way!
2007-02-02 12:59:18 · answer #6 · answered by weathers_erin 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I got a little angry, too, when my husband's cousin did the same thing. We got engaged first, and then they "pre-empted" our wedding with theirs, getting married in the spring when we were to be married that summer. Know what she told people? "Well, I always knew I'd be married before them, anyway."
How juvenile.
I was crabby for a little bit, but I realized pretty much exactly what someone else here has already said: I got a wedding DAY, not a wedding YEAR. Just because I was getting married didn't mean no one else could, either, on their own time, and in their own way. To pout about it would've been incredibly selfish.
As a nasty little side note, if you're still all bent out of shape about this, just have a better wedding than she does. Better food. Better venue. Better entertainment. I know that no one talks about this cousin's wedding, but they still talk about ours... (I know -- I'm evil. Hee, hee.) Just be aware that better stuff costs more, so you may have to be creative, rather than expensive. Creative earns big points, too.
If you want to take the high road, offer to help with her wedding, and ask her to help with yours. That way, you both get to revel in how well things have gone at both weddings, and keep the family peace!
2007-02-02 13:08:16 · answer #7 · answered by jeffs_wife_ali _&_adams_mom 2 · 5⤊ 1⤋
The mature thing would just be to go on and have your wedding as planned. Don't worry about family travelling - two months is plenty between weddings. Really, don't harbour any grudge against her; stuff just happens. It still IS a special time for you and your man - no one else can take that away from you!
2007-02-02 16:37:11 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go ahead with your wedding plans. Your day will be beautiful! You'll have everything done your way and have whoever you want. Your sister is in a competition here; why is she so insecure? But anyway, that's her problem not yours. She doesn't sound like a good candidate for getting married. Her future groom better think twice, too. Because maybe she'll be competing with him next. I'm sorry. I'd just ignore her and not even talk about it with her.
2007-02-02 13:00:24 · answer #9 · answered by Bud's Girl 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Remember that you get to pick a wedding DAY, not a season, month, or year. Also remember that it doesn't matter that you got engaged first...you're the one who chose to have a long engagement. She moved her wedding...you could too if it means that much to you.
2007-02-02 14:38:00 · answer #10 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋