The Beginning
A woman of about 21 walks up on stage
Candy- Hello everybody! And welcome to an all new season of How Long Can They TAKE It? I’m your host, Candy Counterman! This season is different, instead of having many people, we will stick with the game group! (Giggles) Oooo! This is SO exciting! Now the rules-
Somewhere backstage
Will Turner- Is it me, or is that woman a bit too creepy?
Elizabeth Swann looks over at Jack Sparrow who’s dancing with a jelly doughnut and singing Justin Timberlake’s “Sexy Back”
Elizabeth- It depends who you’re comparing it with.
Will- Oh so true.
Jack- I’m bringing sexy back! YEAH! Those other boys-
Jack takes a bite of the doughnut and spills jelly all over himself. Immediately, two woman rush up to him and start rubbing the jelly with Tide-a-way.
Jack- (continues) munt mo mow mo mact!
Tia Dalma- Jack, you can’t sing for your life.
Jack- (ignoring Tia and finally swallowing the remains of the doughnut) Oh yeah?
Pirates- YEAH!
Jack- Where’s ol’ Davy and Barbossa? I think it’ll be best if we change the subject..
Pirates- (in unison) GOOD CHOICE!
Cotton’s Parrot- No idea! Wind in the sails, Jack is an idiot!
Jack takes a minute to think out what the parrot said. After he’s done he opens him mouth to say something back when-
Candy- NOW! PLEASE WELCOME, THE AMAZING, THE FANTASTIC, THE PIRATES!!
Mr. Gibbs- We’re on.
Some backstage person- Break a leg.
Jack- If we were really to break a leg, we wouldn’t go on the show.
Elizabeth rolls her eyes, as the pirates trudge on stage. Everyone, except Jack Sparrow..
Jack’s Entrance
Commodore Norrington- Guys? Guys..We have a problem!!
Tia- What now, Norry?
Norrington- Where’s Jack?
Will and Elizabeth- Not good..
Mr. Gibbs- Not good at all..
Norrington- I’m scared! What if man eating crabs ate him?? (Begins to cry)
Everyone stares at him
Tia- Norry, how many times did ye fall on ye head?
Norrington- None!
Tia raises an eyebrow
Norrington- Ok! OK! 5 times..
Candy- (whispering to pirates) SHUT up! (To audience) Well! Here are our special guests! (Big smile) Let’s hear it for: William Turner! Elizabeth Swann! Tia Dalma! (Tia smiles in an evil way) Mr. Cotton’s Parrot! Unfortunately, Mr. Cotton couldn’t make it. He’s on a vacation in the Bahamas . Mr. Gibbs! David Jones-
Davy Jones magically appeared out of nowhere.
Davy Jones- IT”S DAVY!!!
Candy- Ok, Ok, my bad. DAVY Jones, Commodore Norrington, aaaaaannnnnnnnnndddddddddd…..JACK SPARROW!
Pirates- CAPTAIN!
Candy- Sorry, CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW!!
Cricket chirping
Everyone- Where’s Jack?
Voice- No! NO! I don’t want your bloody Vodka!! I want RUM!!
Everyone shuts up as Jack Sparrow runs on stage with a bottle of rum. Freezing, he first looks at Candy, then at the pirates, then at the audience.
Jack- NO! YOU CAN’T HAVE IT! THE RUM IS MINE!!
Candy- Alright then..
The Rapid Fan Girl
Some girl in the audience- OH MY GOD!! (Screams) IT’S CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW!!
Jack- Oh no. Not good. (Starts running away)
Girl- NO! JACK!! JACK!! COME BACK!! (Chases Jack)
Somewhere backstage
Jack- AHH!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!
Crash of a bottle and utter silence
Will- Uh oh. Jack is gonna MURDER her! She broke his bottle!
Jack- You did NOT just smash my rum..
Girl- OH MY GOD!! JACK SPARROW IS YELLING AT ME!!
Jack- CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW!! GET OVER HERE YOU BLOODY-
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Jack- Now! Don’t EVER touch my rum again, or I will KILL you!
Girl- OH MY GOD!! JACK SPARROW IS GONNA KILL ME!!! (Squeals)
Candy- GET THAT (beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep) OUT OF MY SHOW!!
Girl- (guards swarm around her) YOU HAVE MY WORD SPARROW!! I’LL GET YOU! I SWEAR I WILL!! YOU’LL BE MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE! (Gets kicked out)
Jack stumbles onstage
Mr. Gibbs- Mother’s love Jack! What did you do to the girl?
Jack- The rapid one? Oh! That one! Yes. I showed her a piece of ol’ Jack when he has no rum..
Candy- (to audience) Ok. After that rather -exciting- start, I would like to introduce you to Captain Jack Sparrow!
Jack- Wha? When did this’ll happen?
Candy- You signed a contract for me remember? You’ll appear on the survival show!
Jack- When in the bloody world did I do that?
Norrington- When you were drunk and singing the Blue’s Clues Song to a bottle of rum.
Jack- Shut it you.
No Rum and a Cabin
Davy Jones- We’re supposed to live in THIS??
Candy frowns
Candy- Don’t you like it?
Jack- It’s wet and ugly, just like ol’ Davy’s face!!
Davy Jones- WHY YOU LITTLE-
Candy-(squints) It is not wet.. Nor is it ugly
The cabin the pirates were standing in was a light shade of blue. There were four bunk beds along the left wall, and a blue couch with a medium Toshiba TV in the middle. A door was located on the right side and another on the wall in front of them.
Jack- Where’s the bar?
Candy stares at him
Candy- What bar?
Jack- The bar you said was here.
Candy- There is no bar (looks puzzled) I never said there will be a bar.
Jack- Yes you DID!
Elizabeth- This is gonna be a long three months.
Jack- Where’s the rum!?
Candy- THERE IS NO FREAKING RUM!!
Jack- Then what am I doing here?
Candy rolls her eyes in an Elizabeth type style.
Will- Jack, Jack, there is NO rum. Get that in your head.
Jack starts to whimper.
Jack- No..n-no..r-r-um?
Mr. Gibbs- I’m sorry Jack. We all knew there was no rum..
Tia- We wanted to see ye cry!!
Jack sits on the floor and cries.
Jack- Why? WHY is the world so bloody cruel??
It’s So Dark!
It’s dark out and Norry is scared
Tia Dalma- Norry! What is up wit ye?
Norrington- It’s dark and spooky outside
The door creaks open and a big figure with outlined by the darkness is standing in it
The Figure- Norrington..NORRINGTON!!
Norry whimpers and curls himself into a ball, while Tia Dalma tries to keep herself from laughing.
Norrington- No! Please! Don’t hurt me!!!
Another figure staggers up and starts whispering threats.
The Figure #2- We shall eat you unless you say “Captain Jack Sparrow is the sexiest man in the world” Three times. Then we will spare your life.
The figure slaps the second figure
Norrington- Captain Jack Sparrow is the sexiest man in the world. Captain Jack Sparrow is the sexiest man in the world. Captain Jack Sparrow is the sexiest man in the world. Please! Don’t hurt me!
Both figures go into the room laughing.
Norrington- OH MY GOD! THE MYSTEROUS FIGURES LOOK LIKE JACK AND DAVY JONES!
Jack and Davy Jones- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Norry starts to cry
Norrington- Tia! Help! Jack and Davy are mad!! Oh no!
Starts running and runs into the wall. Mr. Gibbs and Will run after him and peel him off the it. Jack, Davy, and Tia are laughing like crazy. Jack is rolling on the floor. Tia leans onto Davy Jones to support herself.
Tia- That iz de most fun we shall have!!
Jack- Totally.
Elizabeth comes into the room.
Elizabeth- What happened here?
Everyone- Nothing.
The Rules
Jack- Hey, Candy!
Candy- What?
Jack- What are the rules?
Candy- Are you KIDDING me? I explained them about three times.
Jack- Well, I forgot.
Candy sighs
Candy- Well, you will live in a one bedroom cabin in my camp and-
Jack- Your camp’s name..?
Candy- Candy’s Cute Camp
Jack pretends to gag
Jack- What kind of camp name is that?
Candy- Shut up. Listen to the rules.
Jack mutters something about rum and a corny name
Candy- Well, you will live in a one bedroom-
Jack- Yes, we know that.
Candy makes a fist at Jack. Jack backs away and hides behind Will.
Jack- Hide me eunuch!
Will pushes him away and crosses his arms.
Candy- Shut up and listen. You will live in a one bedroom house with only a kitchen, a bathroom, and a bed for each of you. There will be no weapons and no alcohol.
Jack whimpers
Candy- There will be no bad language or we have to spray you with water. Example A.
Some guy comes up to Jack and squirts him with those things you spray cats with.
Jack- Hey! Look what you did! I have a wet spot on my new shirt!
Tia- Ye deserve it.
Depressing Morning
Jack- (groaning) I am SO depressed. Almost 24 hours without a drop of rum.
Elizabeth- Shut it.
Jack flops back on the bed he was laying in
Jack- Hey, you, eunuch.
Will- Wha?
Jack- MWAHAHAH!! You answered! That means you are a eunuch! Hahaha!
Pirates-(All except Will) – HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Candy walks in
Candy- Rise and shine my little guinea pigs!
Everyone stares at her
Candy- (coughs) Uh..I mean..uh..pirates?
Everyone is still staring
Candy- Is staring like, your special hobby or something?
Jack- Yeah, pretty much.
Will- Yeah, cause it’s you we’re usually staring at!
Jack- HEY! Take that back!
Will- No! make me!
Jack- OH I’LL MAKE YOU ALRIGHT!!
Jack whips out his pistol
Candy- HEY! You’re not supposed to have that!!
Jack- I’m Captain Jack Sparrow savvy? I can do anything.
Tia Dalma- That was so corny.
Jack- Yeah, I guess it was.
Jack puts his pistol away
Jack- I’m hungry. What’s for breakfast?
Finding Maple Syrup
Jack pokes the thing with his fork. Then he pokes Will with his fork.
Will- BLOODY STOP IT!
Jack- I didn’t do anything!
Will- You did too!
Jack- I did not. Leave me alone eunuch. I’m trying to eat.
Will- Grrrrrr..
Tia Dalma- What da heck iz dat?
Tia pokes a pancake with her fork.
Elizabeth- Pancake.
Just then Jack discovered maple syrup. Taking a straw he put it in the bottle and drank..and drank..and drank some more.
Jack- Mmmm..Not bad. Kinda tastes like rum
Everyone stared at him.
Candy- There we go with the staring again.
Jack gets up and leaves the table.
Jack- I’m gonna search for more of these in the kitchen. Don’t touch my rum..
Candy- Maple syrup.
Jack- Whatever. Don’t touch it.
Jack leaves and Mr. Gibbs reaches for the maple syrup when- OMG! Jack the monkey swings from out of nowhere and steals the maple syrup!! Everyone stares at the monkey. The monkey stares at them.
Jack the Monkey- My maple syrup! You hear me? Mine!
Jack the monkey runs away. Everyone stares. Jack the human returns.
Jack- :O!! Where’s my syrup!!
Elizabeth- Jack stole it!
Jack- (Looks at her as though she was crazy)
Davy Jones- Don’t be stupid. Barbossa’s pet stole it.
2007-02-02 04:45:33 · 9 answers · asked by star42430 5 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3372635/1/
that is the website. its not totally finished yet but...
2007-02-02 04:46:40 · update #1
It was really long...I couldn't finish it, sorry
2007-02-02 04:58:46 · answer #1 · answered by sugarscamp 5 · 5⤊ 1⤋
13. Rick Ross - Oh, yes. What in the world is Ross wearing? He looks deranged & homeless with the beard, the sunglasses, and the ill-fitting red tracksuit. Then, there’s the hand-drawn 2 for 40 sign. At this point, I think Khaled was given $185 for the video, Ross just lost out on the last verse and was given the privilege to rap in two giant red plastic bags. lmao the whole thing was funny
2016-05-24 05:27:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just like to say.....I tried..but really quite boring...couldn't finish it...was losing the will to live!!! Sorry!!!!
2007-02-02 05:25:39 · answer #3 · answered by prettywoman 6 · 9⤊ 1⤋
2 pnts XD
2007-02-03 03:30:54 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
Sure am glad I didn't waste my time reading that.
2007-02-02 04:57:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 8⤊ 2⤋
too long. and in the wrong section.
2007-02-02 05:13:44 · answer #6 · answered by peach 3 · 10⤊ 0⤋
TOOO long and TOOOOOOOOOOO boring srry!!!
2007-02-02 11:07:19 · answer #7 · answered by urzalwayz5646 4 · 5⤊ 1⤋
how did u type 't ??????
2007-02-02 05:46:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
OK????????????? sure w/e!!!!!
2007-02-02 06:24:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋