me and my girlfriend have recently found out that she is more than six weeks pregnant and are now in the?

Question

possition of deciding weather to keep the baby or have an abortion this is a very stressfull situation for the both of us and are both against having the abortion but both think that it is for the best as we are only young but we dont know if we could deal with it after it has been done (the abortion) please could we have any advice from people who have been in this situation and have had the baby and people who have had the abortion and what it was like coping after emotionally thank you.

Answer 1

Alright I am not going to sugar coat this subject at all. When I was 18 years old I got pregnant, I was a few months away from graduating from high school, this was a very emotional time for me and I was scared and didn't know what to do, I told my mother about it after me and my boyfriend had decided that we were going to turn to her for help, she pushed and pushed for the abortion she was calling abortion clinics and having them call my cell phone and what not and even set up two appointments and tried tricking me into going, Finally me and my boyfriend decided that as much as we wanted to keep this baby and knew we could do it we couldn't deal with the stress from my mother who was saying if we kept the baby she wouldn't talk to us anymore and so on, so I made the worse decision of my life and decided to get the abortion. I bawled my eyes out the whole way there and even in the waiting room, When I went back they had to do an u/s to determine how far along I was and when they brought the machine in I asked them not to let me see the monitor because I didn't want my heart to break anymore than it was already breaking. Even upon my wishes they kept the monitor facing me and I couldn't help but look and I seen my baby and bawled and actually had a major panic attack on the table. They didn't allow my boyfriend back there at that point and after that happened they let him in. They determined I was 7 weeks and 1 day pregnant at that time and asked me if i was sure if I wanted to do this, I said no I wasn't sure and then when they went out of the room to talk to another nurse my mom overheard the nurse say the girl is not wanting to do this, my mother came barging in the room with cell phone in hand threatening if I didn't do it she was going to call my dad and if we kept this baby she was going to make sure neither i or my boyfriend has custody of this child. I didn't want my child to be raised by my parents and not know that I was the mother. I then told them to just do it and get it over with already. During the whole procedure there was a lot of discomfort and i bawled the whole time as did my boyfriend he clenched my hand so tightly and whispered in my ear I am so sorry for all of this. after the procedure was over I had another huge panic attack and couldn't breath and was freaking out. reality had set in that I had let them kill my baby. That was 4 years ago and I still think about it every single day, I wonder what the baby would have looked like, would it have been a boy or a girl. I will forever have resentment for my mother who forced such a horrible decision on me and made me feel like there was no way out. I did get pregnant again a year after the whole procedure and my mom tried doing what she did before again. But this time I wasn't going to let her make me go through what I did again, I told her I was keeping my baby and if she wanted to never speak to me again then that is something that she would have to deal with. and now I have the most beautiful baby boy and am thankful everyday that i held my ground this time and kept my baby, I just wish I would have done that before instead of letting someone else influence my decision. I would never suggest having an abortion because it is very traumatic. Adoption is the best option if you both know you can not handle a baby right now. It is good that you are seeking advice but please take it from someone who has been there and done that, abortion is not something that is going to be an easy way out you will always think about the baby and always wonder what might have been. Please do yourself a favor and prevent the pain and just do adoption if you know you can not handle having a child right now.

I WISH YOU NOTHING BUT THE BEST OF LUCK AND I OPE THAT THINGS WORKOUT, REMEMBER THIS GOD DOES THINGS FOR A REASON, THIS BABY IS NOT SOMETHING THAT SHOULD BE LOOKED AT AS THE MOST HORRIBLE THING TO HAPPEN IN YOUR LIFE IT IS A BLESSING FROM GOD, NOW WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR CHILD IS WHAT YOU DECIDE BUT REMEMBER YOU COULD FIND THAT THIS BABY IS SOMETHING THAT WILL MAKE YOUR LIVES BRIGHTER, OR BETTER YET GIVE ANOTHER COUPLE THAT HAVE EMPTY ARMS AND ARE LONGING FOR THE CHANCE TO HAVE A CHILD TO BECOME PARENTS. GOOD LUCK.

if you want to e-mail me feel free to do so [e-mail] i will answer any questions you have and also help you out with this.

Answer 2

First of all how old are you and your girlfriend? Secondly this is a hard choise I know what you are going through, I had an abortion at 19. I was scared and alone But in the situation i was in I knew that abortion was the ONLY way for me to go. You both need to look at the whole situation like keeping the baby, adoption, and abortion. The reason I chose to have an abortion was becuse at the time I was living in an 18 foot trailer with my dad, stepmom and little brother, I looked at my situation and finaly realized that I could not raise a baby in such a small place and that i could not aford to take care of the child. I then thought about adoption, but I realized that once I heard the baby cry I would not beable to give My child up to a complet stranger, not to mention the fact that I would have spent the rest of my life wondering if every child i saw was my baby. That may have been selfish but that was how i felt. At that point with gidance and advice from my family and friends I made the decision to have the abortion. Now I do want everyone to know a few things first of all I had been aginst abortion, I had said the same thing many other people say " It's murder, I would never do that So on and so fourth" But the reality is this YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOU WILL DO UNTILL YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE DECISION. Next thing is this my family and friends all told me thay would support me in any decision that I made,"keep baby, adobtion, or abortion." This is a verry personal choice and I hope that you will stand by your girlfriend no matter what decision is made. Also I know have 2 children now and I know in my heart that I made the right choice. I do still think about the baby i aborted but i know that i would not have the children i currently have now if i had not made the choice i made.

Answer 3

Let me tell you from a different point of veiw. There are so many people out there willing to give that baby a home because they do not have one. Go to your local CPS and ask them about housing and pregnancy care for free in exchange for the baby being adopted out. There are plenty of places that will house the mother and will take care of her and the baby and she can stay in school as well. Then when the baby is born she will be given a choice to adopt the child out or keep the child herself because this is a big decission. Abortion is risky not to mention very painful, and a choice you will have to live with for the rest of your life. I have watched so many women who are more than able to care for a child but simply cannot have them. This is a good and safe way to care for the child.

I do have a friend that had an abortion and she has never forgiven herself for it. Please try to do the adoption rather than the abortion. At least you will be able to live knowing the child has a good home. Also in these places you get to pick who takes the child and both the mother and the father of the child can be a part of the picking.

Answer 4

This is indeed a heart-wrenching decision, and I wish you the best with whatever you decide as this is a very personal decision. But I will tell you when I was 36 I became pregnant, involved in a bad relationship and decided to abort...I made an appointment, went to as clinic and was sitting on the table waiting for the doctor to come in..............But some unseen hand got me off the table, dressed and out the door before you could say "abortion" ... and looking back, I give thanks to God every day, as I had a baby boy, he's the light of my life! I married the father, but eventually divorced him, my son and I are still exceptionally close...but I shiver when I think how truely close I came to not having this young man!

And on the other hand, my first husband & I adopted a baby girl...she had been given up by an unwed mother...

I can not advice you as to what to do and I truely believe you SHOULD NOT take the advice of anyone answering your question, we don't know you or your circumstances...

I wish you the best............................

Answer 5

How old are you and how long have you been a couple?

My boyfriend and I had only been together for 6 months when we found out I was a month along. I always had questioned if I would have an abortion if it got to a bad situation, but once I was in it I knew the answer immediately. You'll have to do what your heart tells you. Chances are if you're questioning it now, you won't be able to go through with it once you're there. Research abortion, see if thats something you want to do to yourself and the unborn one. There's always adoption.
Back to my experience: Once I told him, he was worried, but he never questioned it either. He even apoligized the next day for not asking if I was considering an abortion. I knew I could never go through with it. It was hard because we barely knew each other and were already throwing a baby into the mix. We took the 7 months left (she was preemie) to really spend time with each other.
Please Please Please, don't get married because of the baby. You weren't considering it before the baby, there's no reason to do it now. Everyone said we had to, but a marriage is a pact between two people. Trust me, as a child of an ugly marriage and divorce because they got pregnant, a divorce is much more detrimental to a child than "having her daddy." You can both be there for it and if you decide later down the road to get married, you always can. Marry her because you love her and want to spend your forever life with her.

We had our baby. She's now 2 1/2 and we just got married in December. We're happy we did it the way we did. I'm in no way saying this is the path for you, just offering a story and some support from the side of the mom-to-be and the kid that came out of one.

Best of luck to you and your girlfriend.

Answer 6

You don't say how old you are, and that is a factor. Instead of just considering how you'd feel if you had an abortion you have to also consider how you will deal with having a baby. It's really hard, physically, mentally, emotionally and financially.
I had an abortion when I was in my late 20s and was fine with it. The only thing I ever did feel guilty about was not feeling guilty about it. But that's me. Some people would perhaps never get over it. If you are very young you both should probably talk to your parents and perhaps a counselor or therapist.

Answer 7

I think you should check out www.standupgirl.com. The testimonies of girls who have been in this situation are really wonderful. There are girls that have gone on to have their babies and there are girls that decided to abort and they tell about their struggles with their decision. It also tells you the truth about the abortion.
And while you are considering your decision, keep in mind that it is a baby..with a heart beat and fingers and toes. And by eight weeks of pregnancy your baby is already moving and sucking his/her thumb. It's really amazing.
If you want to know what a baby goes through during an abortiion check out www.silentscream.org
I am my mother's 17 year old choice. And I can tell you that even though life seems pretty stressful right now, it is worth it to have the baby. My mother now has five beautiful grandchildren all because she had one daughter. A baby is NEVER a bad thing.

And even if you and your girl friend don't think you can raise your baby, there are thousands of adoptive couples that would absolutely love to give your baby a loving home. And even though I have five children, I'd gladly adopt your baby.

See the reality of adoption is that you are loving your baby enough to allow your baby a chance at life.

I know this isn't an easy time for you. I will pray for all three of you.

Answer 8

Wow, I really feel for you! Pregnancy is a difficult time to make decisions. How old are you both? Only the 2 of you can make this decision but I will say you should do what is in your *hearts*. If you think about the "right" time to have a child there really is no *rational* time. If you really want to make it work you can! I know. It won't be easy, but it is possible. Decide based on your hearts, but then plan logically and commit to your decision. I had my first child at age 21 and I still managed to go to college with him. It was not easy and I wasn't a perfect parent but I was able to balance both of our needs. I've also had an early pregnancy loss and it was devastating. It wasn't a rational time to have a child and the circumstances couldn't have been worse but the loss really hurt. You might also want to consider adoption as an option. My best advice to you would be to surround yourselves with as much support as possible no matter what. Get counseling in either situation, including couples counseling. You need each other. The last thing you want to do is to start blaming each other for the decisions and outcome. Good luck!

Answer 9

My boyfriend and I accidentally got pregnant and we decided to keep the baby. I will honestly tell you that a baby is hard work but it is also the best thing that can happen to you. If you are afraid of the bills, the government can help with them. In Chicago we have Public Aid. I think that if you have an abortion, you will regret it in the future. I know that I wouldn't be able to live with the fact that I killed my child. Don't forget that having abortions can also cause heath problems and might prevent you from having babies in the future.

Answer 10

First of all, no one but God can kill a Soul. Second an abortion before the third trimester is ok, after that the fetus could possibly live outside the womb.
Fourth, in the bible its states that life begins with the first breath. You would be ending only a possibility, Soul knows when to enter the body, you don't create it God already did. Don't let guilt be the reason you keep the baby. However, if you truely want this baby and love it already then go ahead with the pregnancy. A baby may just be a romantic idea now but the very long term responsibility and care and cost is something to think about.

Answer 11

My personal oppinion is that you should have the baby. If you decide that you cannot afford having a child or that you are not ready to raise a child there are so many people out there who would love to adopt a child. That is a BABY inside of you that has a right to have a life. But then you wouldn't be in this position if your mother had had an abortion.