I'm worried about my relationship. We never have much to talk about?

Question

Please help. I've been with my girlfriend for sometime now (approximately 9 months). We are in love. In fact, the other day, she finally told me that she loves me, but I guess I just don't understand how she can love me. I am such a BORING person. I never have much to talk about, and I find that she is always initiating the conversation. I love both her and her 4 year old daughter with all my heart. I do everything with them. We go places together, we watch movies together, and we are going to Hawaii in September 08. I've asked her if she is happy, and she says "yes," but I feel like I'm going to lose her due to my dull nature. I try to talk about things, but I get tongue tied easily. My skills lie elsewhere. I just want to be able to have an open, loving relationship with her. On top of my introverted nature, I had a bad childhood where communication was not stressed. I hate being nervous around her because I love her so much. Does anyone have suggestions? Thank you!

Answer 1

What kind of skills do you have? If you're dull, then start reading current events, start watching comedies, start listening to music, start . Tell jokes that you've heard or talk about current events with her. Women are always interested in sh*it like celebrity news. Tell her your opinion on Britney Spears or Paris Hilton. There's plenty of stupid sh*it to talk about. Use your head. This is why education is important.

Answer 2

While you may think you're a dull person, she might not think so. I'm sure she cherishes your time together and all your other skills. If conversing is a huge deal, at least try to ask her some interesting questions so that she doesn't mind being the one doing all the talking. You can give her your input while she is answering, which opens up a means of a dialogue. And relax! She will love you no matter what. In fact, maybe you can tell her exactly what you said here and how you want to work to better your relationship with her. I think that'll be a good place to start.

Answer 3

This is very odd...you shouldn't consider yourself a boring person. Maybe due to whatever happened in your childhood you just don't have that much confidence/self esteem. But it sounds like you still have a very good relationship with this woman. And if she has said she loves you...you both obviously connect on some level. My ex wasn't that much of an extrovert either but we kind of agreed that our personalities balanced eachothers (broke up for other reasons). Her love for you and the growth of the relationship is probably based on the fact that you sound very involved in her life (and her child's life). She probably has found that she can depend and trust you in a way that she's never had with anyone else.

Bottom line I guess is if things are working for you both then don't mess with a good thing. Don't worry about the "what ifs" – those will always get you. Don't think you have to change who you are to impress her – she has already loved and accepted you for who you've been for the past nine months. Until she mentions that there is a communication problem I wouldn't be concerned.

Answer 4

I think it sounds like you are just a little nervous because you obviously care about her very much. The good news is that she seems to really care about you too, so you don't have to be so insecure and nervous. Just enjoy your time together and try not to let yourself feel stressed out about impressing her. Be yourself, as corny as that sounds. I mean, you may feel like you are a boring person, but she obviously doesn't see you as boring. Who you are and what you've been doing is working - she said she loves you! Just be normal with her. You don't have to be Superman for her to see you that way.

Do you ever listen to Loveline with Dr. Drew and Adam Carolla? You can get the old ones as podcasts through iTunes. Maybe it would be helpful to hear that other people have these concerns too; your not the only one whose nervous in a relatively new relationship with someone that you really love.

Oh - one more thing, try not to come off as too insecure by asking her all the time if she really is happy and if you are too boring. Just be happy in your relationship and make her happy by being there with her and sharing experiences with her. No more worrying!

Answer 5

If she said she is fine with it she is so stop worrying. My father is the most difficult person to communicate with. He says as few words as he can. My mom just learned to use more open ended questions that forced him to say more than yes and no. They are still together after 10 years of dating and 26 of marriage. My BF is similar where he doesn't say much and I love him no matter what it is little things that he does to make me know he cares. Maybe ask her questions about something you watch her daughter do or a movie you watch. Even if you don't talk much just show her by actions. Put your arm around her and pull her close or shoot her a smile from across the room. Little things that let her know you care and she will love that.

Answer 6

Awwww......you sound like a sweet person. Well it seems as though your girlfriend really loves you. She apparently looks beyond your dull behaviors. She sees the fire in you. Try not to analyze things to deeply because you will just make yourself crazy. Tell her how you fell and ask her what does she love about you. Then you can truly understand how she feels. Don't feel bad about being boring, there is something about you that is keeping her around.
Also, try taking communication classes with her. Those work. Look up the classes on the internet and find them in your area.

Answer 7

It may be that your girlfriend really doesn't mind that you don't have much to talk about, or that you don't talk much. Maybe she sees you as the "strong silent type." You could find out by asking her something like, "Does it bother you that I don't talk that much?"

If you do want to have more to talk about, try reading some magazines in areas that interest you and might be interesting to her too. In other words, magazines about cabinet design might not work, but if you read Time or Newsweek or the Economist or even People, you might have more to talk about, if that kind of stuff interests you at all.

But the main thing is not to worry so much and become insecure over something that is probably not even an issue. She loves you - that's enough. Whatever your "flaws" may be, they aren't things that she minds.

Answer 8

Get over it. You don't always have to make conversation.

She said she loves you, and that means she loves you the way you are now.

Women don't always want someone that talks all the time, sometimes they enjoy the peace and quiet.

By the way, it is strange that the man is worried about lack of communication. Don't tell too many people about that.

Answer 9

My husband and I have been married for 5 years...we have actually been together for 10 years...

We never really have much to say to each other...but we love each other and that is all we care about.

Don't worry about it... :) PS: way to go with the 4 year old...that takes a man to take on that type of responsibility.

Answer 10

It sounds like you have a good relationship so accept it as that. She loves you and accepts you for who you are. Don't try to change just be yourself. You can break the mold though from your childhood and learn to be more talkative with her. You should have a certain comfort level with her that you don;'t have with anyone else. Communication is important. You will slowly get morte comfortable with it. Don't try to fix something that's not broken.