i know i have asked a few questions about her already but it seems that she is only getting worse. if me or her father asks her 2 do something she does her attitude thing (like rolling her eyes, stomping.) for example i just had surgery 7 days ago and wed was the first time i was able to be out of the house. she has helped me in so many ways while i couldnt move by myself so when we were at the store i was in a motorized cart and i had my younger daughter help me. so she wouldnt feel left out. and my husband told me that my oldest had something to tell me and she said that she wanted to beat me bcuz i chose sissy over her. i felt really bad cuz my intentions werent to hurt her just make sissy feel included in my recovery. i had asked her about her actions and she says she dont know y she does it. i ask her what goes thru her mind when she does it and she says she dont know almost every ? i ask ends up w' the answer i dont know. what can i do 2 help with this. help me please.
2007-02-02 03:51:01 · 9 answers · asked by mommie 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
If she won't talk, you are going to have to do the talking for her. She is obviously feeling jealous of her younger sibling. You need to talk to her about it. You need to build a bond between them. She won't be so resentful if she feels closer to her little sister.
My 9 year old rolls her eyes at me and I do it right back. She is mortified and stops. This is a trick that I learned from a friend with teenage girls.
When she is telling you that she doesn't know why she did something, she is really telling you that she does know and doesn't trust you enough to share it. You have to push past that and into giving her reasons that she did something. You have to show her that you understand why she feels the way that she does. You need to give her word choices to use to explain what she is feeling.
This will take time. A lot of time. She needs the building blocks of reasoning and verbal expression and if she doesn't get them from you, she will get them somewhere else and you don't want that!
Good luck. I wish you a speedy recovery
2007-02-02 04:15:18 · answer #1 · answered by laesjb 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
God help us all with the 9 year old girls i have one also and i swear i thought i would not go through all the attitude and junk for a least 2 years more but i read a article that said that 9-10-11 are the new 13-14-15 and its because we are expecting more out of them at a younger age and allowing them to grow up so fast i mean a 9 year old with a ipod and a cell phone!? not mine but some of her friends so with it sometimes comes the attitude! but i want to know how you handled the fact that she said she wanted to beat you? i understand she may have been upset but that should never be a term she uses on you! some of the things i have started doing is every time my daughter back talks or rolls her eyes or stomps i just say 10 minutes this means she is losing 10 minutes off her bed time! so she does it 3 times then she is in bed 30 min early it has helped not stop it but helps my daughters biggest problem is she is a great student on the Honor role and really good at school she was voted by the whole 4th grade class as the most respectful and courteous girl at school but the minute she gets home she feels she can do what she wants talk how she wants and when you call her on it she say well i am good at school! i have to explain that though we are proud of her she needs to also behave at home and show respect to us and her sister! in the end its a up hill battle only to get worse then get better and from what most of my friends tell me and from what i remember around 17 they get better so maybe that will happen earlier also like the teenage attitude did! good luck and see you in the trenches your not alone!
2007-02-02 04:26:24 · answer #2 · answered by peterpansdate 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! This child is really hardheaded. You may just have to treat each other fair. You probably do but... hmmmm. Well you know what, the next time she says something like that you just have to break down crying and she will see how much that hurt you, I know how much that hurts to hear that your child wants to beat you, then she will see and say " I'm so sorry mom I didn't know that you were gonna cry..." but if you don't think that will work then say " look! why would I want to love you little sister more than you!! I love the both of you!! if I weren't to love you you wouldn't be here by now! you would be in an orphanage!! I love yall to both so much!! You hurt me saying things like that!! what if I were to say that about you!! You would cry wouldn't you!! I love you. your sister was just helping me. Just like you did. I've been through surgery and you are treating me like this..." If she says thing like that then start screaming (or maybe in a firm voice) then go to a loving mother voice. Funny! But anyways you shouldn't be going through this. you have to be a strict mom just not too strict be cool still. Hoped I helped! ♥
2007-02-03 14:26:27 · answer #3 · answered by :) 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask her to help you by behaving or you will help her get grounded or lose a privilege for a week. You're down but not out of comission. I think you have to let her know you appreciate her help, but let her know you still are the parent and know what you are doing better than she. She needs counseling for her threats that undermine your ability to be a good parent.
I'm sorry that I don't know how to put it nice, but she has been feeding into a sickness while she was helping you that made her feel she has a power over you. Now that you are getting better, she is grieving the loss of that power she had. You have to become the caregiver again and she needs to revert back to being cared for.
2007-02-05 09:17:46 · answer #4 · answered by RB 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
at 9 years old it seems apparent she is vying for your attention. It may actually have nothing to do with you and her interaction with her friends away form you. Find out what her day is filled with talk with her teachers they usually see things in a different way than us parents. She is looking for a reaction from you or perhaps your husband. 9 yrs old is a rough age we are trying to find our voices then. take her out for a shopping day do something she is into whatever that may be. At this point any attention good or bad is what she is looking for. replace it with good but still be the parent and establish your dominance. Good Luck
2007-02-02 04:08:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can't give you a better answer because I don't know either. My daughter is 8 and is the same way! Just wanted you to know you are NOT alone. Good luck
2007-02-02 03:56:24 · answer #6 · answered by Mrs. Always Right 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Welcome to puberty...that is WHY she does the things she does...that is WHY she doesn't know WHY she does and thinks the things she does...it comes with the territory. She may not be physically showing signs of puberty but she is obviously showing the emotional signs of the hormones.
2007-02-03 07:14:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OCd. get a doc to get medicine 4 her
2007-02-02 04:21:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your local MHMR office may be able to qualify you for receiving free or reduced cost family therapy.
2007-02-02 03:58:57 · answer #9 · answered by Clown Knows 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋