How do you tell your best friend that you don't want to stand in her wedding? (read details)?

Question

Best friends for 12 years now & we had always said we'd be each others maid of honor. After high school we kept in touch but obviously not as much. BUT we still kne what was going on in each others lives from month to month. Then she got engaged & I found out another way instead of from her so I messaged her:Well I guess I have to find out the good news from someone else but thats ok I hope you call with all the juicy details anyway!She later told me she had been ofended by what I sent her & she was actually waiting for me to call her when I was doing the same. About a month later I called wanting to wish her well & she slowly begain to explain her "hurt" feelings to me & told me that after the message I left her she thought I wasnt going to want to be her maid of honor so she asked her sister. BUT she still wants me to stand in it if id like. The thing is Im a chubby girl & i kno it & her sister whos like a model chose a dress for the bridesmaids that will make me look silly&pregnant

Answer 1

look honey whether you go with shorts/pants and floppy sandals or a private-colection-gucci dress you will feel unconfortable because of the incident with who-told-the-news-first . You gotta talk to her, if you would like to do this after the wedding (bacause the circumstances will be better, then it´s ok), but for God´s sake don´t try to "fit" into something you can´t- You donñt wanna look like a fat "sausage" feeling hurt because of her friend. Better, look like a cute-medium.size guest who apparently it´s still the bride´s best friend, and because of "unknown circumstances" (i.e too muck work, sudden death of a relative, etc) couldn´t make it to be the bride of honor.
then after the honey moon, you should talk to her (some few pounds off would be great).

Answer 2

Oh...I was in a situation like this four years ago. My friend of nine years and I had always said we'd be each other's maid of honors. She asked me, then told me that it would be better for the line if I was just a bridesmaid. Put me in a dress that nearly had me falling out the front. I did it because I promised. Needless to say because of my hurt feelings, she wasn't in my wedding six months ago.

For the sake of your friendship later, if you're not comfortable standing up with her now just tell her that she wasn't the only one with hurt feelings. You'd love to support her on her wedding day, but don't feel comfortable in that dress if you can help some other way you'd love to.

Good Luck!

Answer 3

Yeah I can understand how you feel. Just tell her the truth, say you would be honored to be at her wedding and even help out with the festivities, but you would be more comfortable watching from the pew.

Funny story about the dress thing. My wife was a bridesmaid for her friend's wedding and they went with the strapless look. However my wife is very sculpted and the other girls were very...well should have made a better dress choice. Actually what about scarves...or whatever those things are.

Answer 4

If you don't want to be in her wedding party just tell her. It doesn't sound like you 2 are that close anymore and she's only asking you because she feels she has to. I'm guessing she's probably feeling equally uncomfortable having you in her wedding.

If you do accept her invitation to be a bridesmaid, then you're just going to have to suck it up. A dress was chosen and it's really irrelevent whether or not you like it. Just understand that it's her wedding and you're only a prop. The worst thing you could possibly do is complain to her about the dress. She has enough other things to stress and worry about.

Answer 5

if this was your best friend for 12 years, you shouldn't have any second thoughts about telling her how you feel. she was up front with you and you should do the same, otherwise, you will be miserable standing in the wedding and it is not going to mean anything. just talk things over and come up with a conclusion together, that's the most important thing because it's a very important day for her and you shouldn't be on bad terms with each other over it.

Answer 6

I asked my best friend from high school to be in my wedding....she said she would and then she never called me to tell me she wasn't going to be in it. I finally sent her a text msg because she had never went to get fitted for her dress. So I got her response through a text that she wasn't going to be in it. How crappy is that? Just be upfront with her and make sure she knows way in advance. I was left with no time to replace her because the dresses HAD to be ordered the next day. She will be hurt because you won't be in it but she will be mad at you if string her along. Being honest is the best way to handle any situation.

Answer 7

First of all...why did her sister get to choose what everybody wears?? Usually if ANYBODY chooses for everyone, it's the bride....
Just be honest w/your friend...explain that you really don't feel that that style dress is best suited for you and you would feel uncomfortable. (I'm self concious as well..strapless and straight...no thank you!!)
Suggest to your friend that each girl be allowed to choose the "style" of their choice as long as they are all the same color. I really don't think that the WHOLE dress choice should be up to one person-even the bride. I'm planning my own wedding and I've told my girls to choose their own styles>>> 1-they're the ones paying for it, not me 2-they're the ones that have to be and feel comfortable in it 3-if the style or cost of the dress determines whether or not someone close to me is/isn't in the wedding....I'd rather them choose.
All you can really do is try to explain this to her and be honest...hopefully you 2 can work something out and you'll be able to share in her special day.
Good Luck!

Answer 8

If you don't feel comfortable doing it , then don't. Just explain to her that you would love to share her day with her but you rather share it from a pew. Explain your feelings about the dress!. Trust me, I was in a wedding a couple of years ago, in a dress I felt most uncomfortable in! I was miserable.

Answer 9

I have friends that were pressured to have a sibling in the best man or maid of honer. I wasn't offended. I supported my friend. and to this day he is my best friend. It's up to you but you have a rift in your friendship if you ignore it it will grow. Be there for her and when you get married you can chose your maid of honer and not feel bound by what you said in the past.

Answer 10

You guys don't really seem to be all that close. And her wedding day isn't about how you look. If you don't want to be in the wedding then you always have the right to decline, and it doesn't sounds much like she'd mind, anyway.