i have 3 children, one 18 , and two smaller daughters 10 and 8. the ten year old is very emotional and suffers from anxiety. the 8 year old is easy and fun to be around, my mother very very openly favors the 8 yr old and almost rubs it in the 10 yr olds face, she ridicules the 10 yr old , snaps at her and i feel is turning her off to ever wanting to be around her grandparents.she will take the younger shopping and overnights weekends and buy her tons of things and not even buy something small for the 10 yr old . last christmas she bought the 10 yr old junk and the 8 yr old fun things. when the 8 yr old goes there and comes home with so many nice things i feel bad and i know she does too , should i extremly limit the 8 yr olds time there?
2007-02-02 02:59:55 · 14 answers · asked by vinnieangel 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I sadly can relate to this. My grandmother spoils my 8 year old brother. I'm 18 and just about to graduate high school and I suffer from anxiety as well. I got a job last summer just so I can get out of the house and I rarley like to stay home from school when I'm sick because she lives with me and my family. We live in a condo meant for two people so she's always nagging on me where ever I go. Also a year ago, she told me, in front of my mom that she is jealous of me. It's been hard but I wish the best for the ten year old. I really don't have much advice to offer. My mom takes me out sometimes, just us girls to clear my head and it helps alot so try doing things with you and the 10 year old and also, do things as a family, excluding the grandmother. I love my grandmother with all my heart, I wish I had a better relationship with her. I hope the best for you and your family.
2007-02-02 03:37:49 · answer #1 · answered by KatNap 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can see why the 10 year old is emotional and suffers from anxiety. You are her mother, if you don't protect her, who will? Tell you mother that if she can't treat both of the girls the same, then you will have to limit her contact with the children. You cannot allow this type of behavior. By allowing your 8 year old to get special treatment, sleepovers and special gifts you're confirming for your 10 year old that she doesn't deserve to be treated well by not only her grandmother, but everyone. Please don't set your daughter up for a lifetime of feeling second best and not a priority. I understand it's hard to stand up to your mother, but you have to protect your daughter. Be strong and be a good mother. Good Luck!
2007-02-02 04:14:14 · answer #2 · answered by Kimmi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Communication, communication, communication.
1. Talk to the grand mother about how her actions are affecting YOU.
2. Talk to the 10 year old. find out if she has noticed it and if she is hurt over if she has. If she hasn't tell her that you must just be over reacting. This might just make the 10 year old more aware of her grand mother's actions. Discuss whether the 8 year old is "rubbing it in her face. Then communicate to the grand mother your 10 year old's feelings, reactions etc.
3. Talk to the 8 year old. Tell her that you have noticed this situation. Ask her about "rubbing it into the 10 year olds face" and correct her actions if warranted. Asking her to be more conscious of the 10 year old's feelings. Tell her that you expect her to share her bounty with the 10 year old. Do not punish the 8 year old for the grand mother's actions--Punish the grandmother.
Truthfully inform the grandmother of how her actions are affecting you, and both children and respectfully demand that treat both equally.
Do not force the 10 year old to be around grandmother if she does not want to either. Limit the 8 year old's "special occassions" to actual special occassions.
2007-02-02 04:12:16 · answer #3 · answered by Carol D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, evaluate. Is there even the tiniest chance that you are either exaggerating or imagining it? The teensiest chance that you imagine slights to your 10yo because you worry about her feelings? Because if you are wrong, you are gonna really mess up the relationships of all your kids with your mother, not to mention your own.
Okay, you're sure? First, talk to the 10yo. " Why do you think grandma........?" I mean, there is a line between emotional and 'whiny'. If she is really difficult for her grandmother, maybe that is the problem. IF she's on the bratty side of emotional (and of course, only you know, I don't) this is gonna affect her relationships with EVERYONE for the rest of her life, and SHE may need to make adjustments.
Save the talk with your mom for last, after nothing else has worked. Say, "I don't feel like you treat Sally as well as you do Susie. Sally gets upset over this." The let your mom talk. (My mom treats my niece like something she stepped in. We fight about this almost every time we talk. When my kids were born, I told her- if you EVER treat my babies like you treat Paige, it'll be the last time you see them. She never has. I also stay pissed at my brother for letting it go on.) Let her rationalize, make excuses, whatever- and actually listen to see if she has any valid points or even any that might even possibly be the teeniest bit valid. Then, tell her you understand and ask if she can be more careful about showing it.
Wait several weeks and watch for change. If there is still none, THEN explain to your mother that if she can't treat your children equally, you aren't going to allow any of them visits with her. Depending on response, give several more weeks for change. Make sure your 10yo understands that Grandma is trying, and that everyone must be given time to change. If Grandma absolutely can't (or wont) change, it is time to keep your kids away from her.
2007-02-02 04:00:44 · answer #4 · answered by imjustasteph 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what......... what kind a grandmother do you have???? you know my mom love everyone and no matter what kind kids are and she always show love....
You know I think you should tell your mother that you know what you treat my 8 years wonderful fun and treat my 10 year old who have suffer from anxiety... You don't want to deal with this and Now I deicded that I don't think it fair you giving my 10 year junk and 8 year fun stuff. You have disgrace my 10 year old and It done and let me know when you are serious about taking him over night and take him do fun things with 8 year old.. so you think about it if you can't come up with that then you are though.
I would do that to her because... like when my mom beat the crap out of me all her life because of her A.A. problem and now I don't trust her and i don't want her near my kids even if she change soooo much she already damaged me and I do what I think best for my family so I decide I have nothing to do with her.
Now she regard very much and There nothing she can do to fixed it... smiling so you really need to stand up for 10 year old and tell her... now 10 year know that why grandma not love me??? why she always do thing with my 8 year old and why am I not with them.. Becasue I have the Anixety plm.. Kids liek that not dumb they know.
2007-02-02 03:29:20 · answer #5 · answered by greenbaypackers1920 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
These are YOUR children, not hers. I would sit down with your Mother and tell her flat out that she can no longer favor one grandchild over the other. That you won't permit your 10-year old to be treated with any less respect and consideration than you do the 8-year old. If your mom won't agree to do this, then it is in the best interests of all your children to limit contact with the grandparents.
2007-02-02 03:06:16 · answer #6 · answered by sassybree1979 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should talk to you mom about this. if this is effecting the 10 yr old really bad and of course it would, then i would just tell the grandma that she can't take one without the other and if she buys something for one, she needs to buy something for the other at the same value or else don't buy anything. tell her how this is making your 10 year old feel. this is not right for her to do and you are right, if it continues, she may not want to go to her grandmas house anymore. hope this helps. good luck.
2007-02-02 04:28:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This has happened with me. But I was the one getting spoiled and my older sister was totally thrown out of my grandparents life. What I have to say is I would sit and have a talk with the grandparent(s) and tell them exactly how you feel. If they are not willing to change then I would not let the 10 year old go over there at all, not only does it hurt her self esteem but it makes her feel unloved and can trigger a depression. Best of luck to you
2007-02-02 04:17:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't send any of your kids over there at all until your mother promises to change her behavior. Don't let one have gifts unless all get gifts. By allowing the 8 year old to keep the things, you are condoning their grandmother's behavior.
2007-02-02 03:59:12 · answer #9 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit her down and tell her how you feel. Tell her that if continues you can not let the 8 yr. old accept her gifts or over night invites.
2007-02-02 03:05:03 · answer #10 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋