and it did NOT go so well. I started out just trying to talk to him about my feelings, because lately he has seemed a little distant and un-appreciative of me as normal. so i wanted to address that with him and tell him i felt taken for granted.
his response was to get up and walk out of the room on me. So i flipped out. I couldnt believe that I was opening up to him and his response was to LEAVE!
SO I freaked, and started yelling at him and telling him I thought he had another girlfriend cause of how his behavior towards me had turned sour.
he got really really mad at me, even started crying that I would accuse him of such things and how those thoughts would ruin our relationship.
I dont really have any "evidence"
but how come he wouldnt listen to my feelings of being neglected, and why did he get so mad at me for accusing him? is that a sign that I am right, or am I nuts??
he is still very VERY mad at me this morning, he wont talk to me.
WHAT DO I DO?!?!?!?!
2007-02-02 02:50:22 · 9 answers · asked by sosadd 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
because he is not responsible for your feelings.
if you want to get through to a man you have to use facts & info... don't tell him "i feel neglected", instead point out, "i've noticed you don't do ------- like you used to" and go from there.
when someone leaves the room, it means they are not prepared to have that conversation at that time... it does NOT mean freak out and turn a talk into an argument into a fight!
now just apologize and then give him time & space until he is ready to talk to you. and in the meantime cool your emotions and THINK about the facts of what he is or isn't doing that makes you feel neglected, and consider whether perhaps you are reacting out of proportion to the actual situation... good luck
2007-02-02 03:01:20 · answer #1 · answered by zmj 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He may have left the room as he was ashamed of himself and needed a few moments. It is understandable that you would feel slighted by the gesture, but to slinging accusations around can destroy a relationship quickly. You may need to give him some time to cool down. First apologize for accusing him without evidence. Then sit down and talk to him in a mature way. Tell him that you want an open dialog with him about your relationship. Set boundaries for the discussion and if it becomes heated, both parties stop and take some time before either of you says the one thing that would end it all. Good luck to you.
2007-02-02 03:01:34 · answer #2 · answered by fly guy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh wow! Ok, you freaked out to soon. You don't have the evidence that you need at this point to say if he's cheating or not. So with that you need to back off. Sit back and take note of how he's acting. Does he have the time to actually cheat on you? Does he come up with silly excuses to be away from you? If he is cheating on you, he will slip up very soon and give you the proof that you need. Him walking out of the room is either his way of telling you he doesn't want to deal with the issue at this time, he's guilty and doesn't want to slip up during the fight, it can mean so much but without you having solid proof you have to back off. Does your gut tell you he's cheating? All the signs that you're getting can mean that he's cheating but then again it can mean that he's bored with your relationship, it can also mean he's dealing with other things that you don't know about. Don't let his crying fool you though, just because he broke out in tears doesn't really mean anything. What you need to do at this point is think hard about how he's been acting. Does he have the time to cheat, has any of his patterns changed? Him telling you, your thoughts of him cheating would ruin your relationship isn't necessarily true. Again that can be his way of trying to get you to back off with trying to find proof of what he's doing if anything. Collect the evidence that you need to prove his cheating before you go at him about doing so.
As far as him being mad at you, just give him a few days and he should come around. Don't push the issue about him cheating anymore without proof.
2007-02-02 03:28:52 · answer #3 · answered by Pisces Princess 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You were in the wrong, and WAY out of line. Did it ever occur to you that he may not have been ready for an emotional out pouring from you. Some men just don't know how to cope with such things. Also, I have the distinct feeling you were very accusatory and negative to him before you accused him of cheating. Why should he stick around to be abused? He did the right thing to leave. That was respect for you so he wouldn't say anything that would hurt you. You are driving your BF away, and I don't think you have a clue why it is happening.
I think you should learn the power of "I" statements. The are factual to you, are non-accusing to other people, and if you use "I feel" statements they can't be denied. People can tell you what to think but they can't tell you how to feel. If you want to make the situation better say something like in the example.
Example: "Honey, I would like to talk to you for 5 mins. I know I said some very hurtful things last night. I want to tell you that I was wrong and I'm sorry. I got upset when I tried to express my feelings to you and you left the room. That made me feel under appreciated, and I lashed out. I really want to work this out with you, and I want for us to come to an understanding with one another. I know your still upset right now, and you have every right to be, but I wanted to say this so you have it to think about."
BTW - You NEVER accuse anyone of cheating w/o proof.
2007-02-02 03:08:38 · answer #4 · answered by Poppet 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ive been in your position, and i know its not easy. The first thing that you shouldnt have done is accuse him. Im a little sneaker than that, I investigate for a while, until i so have evidence. If he doesnt want to listen to your feelings try writing him a note. Just give it some time, if you wnat him to start coming around
2007-02-02 02:57:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you never use the word you when you are talking to a man for example you make me unhappy or you have been neglecting me
instead tell him i fell neglected i feel unhappy then follow by how both of you can make it better men get defensive so you have to be care full how you talk to them. The best thing to do now is apologize.
2007-02-02 02:58:32 · answer #6 · answered by sassy1011984 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I love it when people who have nothing to do with you and this is the first time they ever hear about you jump to conclusions about your relationship with your boyfriend and how he cheated on you. Are you really expecting to find the answer here? Get a life!
2007-02-02 03:06:47 · answer #7 · answered by harakiri 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well hon if he cheated then he cheated! u r so not nuts ur actually very right! i mean if he cheated and he can't take the pressure then he really should'nt have! dont worry he's not mad at u he juss knows ur rite! u pulled a carrie underwood on him! maybe next time he'll think before he cheats! lol hope evything works out!
2007-02-02 03:01:46 · answer #8 · answered by The heartbreaker 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
When you get "evidence" then you can accuse him.... i think your just nuts.... gurl dont worry about little stuff like dat... you have to worry about crap like him not comin home, not callin, you know **** like that.... chill gurl life is to short for you to worry about crap like dat.. plus if he is then it would be his lost.... dont worry be happy!!!!!!!!!! Plus wat goes around come around, n pay back is a madafu**** so.. Dont stress
2007-02-02 03:05:20 · answer #9 · answered by SW_GURL19 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋