Is it wise to take a second chance with one of your childrens father? My situation goes as follows. I was dating this guy for a year and wound up pregnant, (for those who are going to ask why wasnt i on something i was) but he wasnt ready to be a father and the last three years my child has never met her father, and i never got over him and believe me i tried. Well a few months ago we ran into each other and started talking again and all the feelings i had for him came back and grew stronger than ever, we are working on him meeting his child and also spending time together to see if we could have a relationship that is more healthier than before. I would love nothing more to be with him and have a family that is whole for my child but i have bigger concerns with the what ifs. so what im asking is what would you all do would you take the risk of being with the one you love or would you not want to take the chance in case of it hurting your child if it doesnt work out?
2007-02-02 02:21:45 · 12 answers · asked by augustgrl80 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I do trust him with all my heart, and my main concern i s my child. I understood his reasons for not being there, me not letting him come into her life was never an option a child needs to have both parental figure in their life, and it was his choice on coming into her life now. I love him with all my heart and I would gladly not act on those feelings if it keeps my child from getting hurt. We are taking it very slowly and just spending time together to see if we can just get along and not fight all the time over nothing and it seems to be working. Hes the one that asked me if it would ever work for us, i know if we worked hard enough it would but what if thats not enough? He knows that whether or not we are together i will never be in the way of him being with his kid, my life is that kid. I just dont want her to grow up with two parents that end up hating each other.
2007-02-02 02:59:29 · update #1
That's a hard situation to be in. Because I have been there. I have to say that I did try again, and it didn't work, but it was worth the shot. My daughter is only two, and she was much younger when we started seeing each other again, so she doesn't remember him. My honest opinion is, if you love him, you should try again, because if it works your child has his daddy and a family. I believe that it is worth a shot. If it doesn't work out, at least your child will have some time with him, and it will be his choice whether he still wants to see him after that or not. Either way, you all be okay. So, I say go for it... Good luck girl.
2007-02-02 02:27:54 · answer #1 · answered by In love with Life 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From what you have said it seems this is all a one way street. You have said that your feelings have come back for him and that you are willing to take the risk. There is nothing wrong with letting him be a father to your child i think that is a wonderful thing. However i would sit down with him first and talk with him about his feelings towards you and what he sees as his view i the future of a "family", before you start putting your emotions into this thing with him. Put your child first in this. Don't put yourself in the middle of this. It isn't about you and him it's about the child! Focus on that situation first! Then think about you and him. Perhaps that is what he is doing right now is focusing on being a father to his child. I think you need to allow for that.
2007-02-02 02:31:14 · answer #2 · answered by LM 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a question only you can answer. What I am worried about it is what if you guys don't work out and he runs out on his daughter again? If this is something you really want, try to make time for just you and him and see where it goes maybe before bringing your daughter into the equation. I know it's hard to get over someone you are totally in love with but sometimes, you just need to take a step back and look at the big picture.
2007-02-02 02:28:23 · answer #3 · answered by Laura S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you know that's a tuff one. What I would do (just b-cuz I've been dealing with something a little similar, and have you ever heard the old saying , you can't tame a wild horse. I think as strong women we just don't want to give up on the ones we love. the truth of the matter is we cant change a man that doesn't want to change. I think that you should put your children first and move on to bigger and better things. it will take losing you to change this man. hey if he loves you it will work.
2007-02-02 02:32:09 · answer #4 · answered by dirt77 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should go very slowly and be very carefull, keeo your eyes open and don´t miss any detail or sign. I mean: If you really love the guy AND you think that you can FORGIVE AND FORGET all those feelings I´m sure you had when he left you pregnant... try! other wise.... let it go, you did it by your self for ... three years. And remember something else, maybe he wasn´t ready yet and now he is... but trust me: if he´s not ready now.... he´ll never be. My best wishes for you! contact me if you want.
2007-02-02 02:37:04 · answer #5 · answered by Mayra L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You talk a lot about your love for this man. But marriage involves two parties. If I were you, I would have to ask myself whether this union would bring me and my child happiness. Does he truly love me and his child? I need to find out whether he has any children besides the one we have. Being in love with someone and living with someone as a family is completely different.
Do you trust him?
2007-02-02 02:32:53 · answer #6 · answered by Kimora Miranda 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would take the risk but not before I make him realize how important this decision is for me and the child and if he fails us again, how that could disrupt our lives once again and perhaps will be much more for the poor child. Perhaps I would repeat that again and again, until he seems sincere enough.
2007-02-02 02:26:31 · answer #7 · answered by Smriti 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't take your dicision so fast. Wait till he meet his daughter and see if he is willing to accept her. You also have to see how they bond. If he is ready to take up the responsible then you should be able to make out from his actions towards you and your daughter. If he is not intetested in the baby but only in you then its better to let go.
2007-02-02 03:12:46 · answer #8 · answered by angela_hsiung 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he is showing inprovement go for it.
if he starts to fail meeting his requirements as a father or (husband) i would probably end it. before you marry him if you do make sure you are not still questioning yourself about whether will work out.
if you see no real big issues or were small problems can turn big stay with him he trying to improve
2007-02-02 03:35:59 · answer #9 · answered by herbinator 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
have a chat with him to ask if he is ready. i think you can find out more on his views and if he willing to be commited. if he is, then bring the kid in. but maybe slowly as a friend first then part of the family
2007-02-02 02:26:45 · answer #10 · answered by littlepurplebugz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋