why is it that some people lie to be polite? ie-when a women A asks woman B if she likes her shirt...women B is most likely to say "yes"..when she really things "eww".. why cant people either ignore or say it looks the same as the other one... or even say that they wouldn't wear the thing? what bothers me more is when someone says he values honesty and "wants" an honest partner or how much they hate lies..etc...then when that partner tells the naked truth, or the truth in a nice way that person that supposivly "values" honesty freaks out...
i just don't get it..
2007-02-02 02:00:33 · 19 answers · asked by pokerface 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I hope my mate lies to be polite.
THE ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION IS:
That when people ASK your opinion, they don't REALLY want it---they just want to hear what THEY want to hear, ya know?
2007-02-02 02:03:30 · answer #1 · answered by bettyboop 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
maybe honesty can be delivered in a kinder way. For instance, woman A says "do you like my shirt?". Woman B can honestly say "it's a great color" or "that style is very popular right now", or "I saw a really pretty shirt similar to that just the other day", etc.
It is too trivial a matter to hurt someone's feeling over.
Honesty with a partner is a little more delicate, but still a gentle truth is so much kinder to someone you love than a harsh truth or an outright lie. So, perhaps it is in the delivery and also the motive behind revealing the truth.
Is the motive a pure one? Or is it to get revenge for some time he hurt the partner's feelings? or is it an attempt to manipulate? Or is it a genuine effort to bring more intimacy into the relationship?
2007-02-02 02:45:52 · answer #2 · answered by martinmagini 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Given that we have to live in close proximity to people, it's better to maintain good relations by telling a white lie occasionally instead of blurting out the 'truth' as one sees it. If honesty is called for, than once can be tactful, that is to say, careful in the choice of words. In the example you gave, we could tell the woman her shirt is ugly and ruin her day as well as yours. But we could get the same idea across by saying something like, "The color is lovely." If you are really close friends, you could add a bit of advice or criticism. My policy is to keep my comments polite and non-committal unless they're paying me as a consultant. Then I'll be brutally honest.
2007-02-02 03:20:16 · answer #3 · answered by pepper 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is as such. I for one like to be as honest as i can with everyone. However as you go through life you realize as i have that not everyone, okay MOST are unable to handle the truth and MOST simply do NOT want to hear it. They want to hear what they want to hear. However for me i find myself telling people most of the time the truth in most situations. But there are those times when i am somewhere or someplace where i simply do not feel like dealing with the situation and emotions that are the consequence that come out of telling someone the truth. You see when you do tell someone the truth you have to stay awhile and deal with the emotion aftermath of it all. The grief and the otherwise drama of it all. Yes, you can simply tell them the truth and walk away which i have done in many circumstances but then i am left with this sense of.........well like i have not completed my duty of finishing my "truth" i have told to them by explaining it so they undestand it. Because once you tell the truth, they might say okay,(and using the shirt you mentioned as an example), and wear the same shirt anyways so you are wasting your time. See what i am saying?
So................... see how drawn out this is? Yep, this is why people would rather lie. It isn't even really about being polite, its about getting themselves away from a "situation" that they don't feel like dealing with that day.
2007-02-02 02:12:40 · answer #4 · answered by LM 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't get it either, because you can be both honest and polite.
To use the shirt example, if it were me, I would say something like, "That's a really cool shirt, but I don't think the color is quite right for you. Why don't you try something like this?"
My husband and my friends also know that I want them to give me their honest opinion at all times, even if it's not what I want to hear. I've been annoyed on a couple of occasions, but know that at the end of the day, I've been spared a TON of heartache.
2007-02-02 02:53:38 · answer #5 · answered by sylvia 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Most people do it so they don't hurt the other person's feelings. I think you can give an honest opinion with tact. Simply state that the shirt is not your taste, or that it's not something you would personally wear. If it comes to the new man in her life though, it's better to say nothing at all. Something along the lines that it's her opinion that matters, not yours.
2007-02-02 02:11:36 · answer #6 · answered by Pauleen M 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It's difficult to tell someone that you dislike something that they are wearing unless you are good friends with them or they have a high self confidence.
People tell those lies so as not to turn someone's feelings for trivial reasons.
You can have morals and values but still tell white lies. There are much worse things to lie about.
2007-02-02 02:04:36 · answer #7 · answered by BetsyLauren 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, sometimes if you are blunt, it canjust ruin the automosphere and begin tension, because that other person, truly didn't want to hear what you want you wanted to say, they just wanted you to compliment their ugly as s shirt--they are or we are self-centered like that. And, t if they say what we don't want to here, we'll think that they never liked us in the first place, and then it just gets ugly, because some people just can't handle the truth.
2007-02-02 02:48:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, all the guys I used to date would do that, but the man I married is the most honest, straightforward person ever! I once asked if a pair of jeans looked good on me, and he told me they made my butt bigger. Yes, I was offended, but when I asked for his opinion, I really wanted just that, his opinion.
Now, though, I don't ask unless I REALLY want to know.
2007-02-02 04:28:42 · answer #9 · answered by imaharding 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My wonderful husband is one of those burtally honest people and people think he's a jerk for it. And he really doesn't go out of his way to be mean. I mean, he doesn't say, "Wow, you look TERRIBLE!" If I asked his opinion he would simply say, "No. I don't care for that", or "that doesn't go together." I appreciate his honesty, even if it does hurt sometimes. But as I mentioned, most people think he's just plain rude.
Go figure.
2007-02-02 02:52:01 · answer #10 · answered by doggiemom 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It'd be better to have that question asked while you're out shopping together, That way you could tell the truth (eg: "its ok - but not my style").
I think its rude to ask someone a question like that anyway.
I compliment what I like and am silent otherwise...hint hint
2007-02-02 03:01:26 · answer #11 · answered by Roma 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋