Parents...?

Question

I just turned 18. All my life my parents have been over protective, and now that I'm technically an "adult", they still want to know every move I make.

I don't feel free and it annoys me. A LOT...

Help me out please...what can I do?

Answer 1

I'm 23 and I had to move home from splitting up with my boyfriend, things have been easier this time but I do always feel obliged to tell them where im going and who im going with. I think they think im off being naughty if i come in at 6am from partying all night. I know how you feel, they only really let you spread you wings and stop being so protective once you move out because you do not need to tell them where you are going, at this point they need to respect your judgement. I think to deal with it in the meantime you just have to do the whole, im responsibile and it is making me doubt my decisions when you are always involving yourself in them. Say to them if they do not let you learn for yourself and allow you to do what and when you wish you will never have the confidence to do things without their permission or agreement to.

Answer 2

Technically you are an adult, but apparently not mature enough to figure this out on your own so you come here to ask for help.

Your parents truly care alot about you. Which is great, considering most parents have given up on kids at this age. They don't want to see you run into difficulties like they did at an early age in their life.

If you haven't been getting into any trouble then, what is it they feel you are doing that they have to ask every move you make?

Maybe you ought to get a job and also start attending college classes. This will make them very proud of you and they will soon realize you are moving in the right direction which is exactly what you should be doing if you are out of high school.

Go to work, go to college doing this at the same time of course and they will soon realize you are doing a great job with your life and they will be bragging to their friends and family about your accomplishments.

Answer 3

I have a 17 yr. old daughter and a 19 yr. old daughter, and as far as I can tell they probably think the same way you do. Heck, I thought my parents were overprotective when I was your age. It was only in reflective thought years later that I was able to see that wasn't the case.

Know this, if you have parents that are even remotely interested in what you do, who you do it with, and where you're doing it, you are miles ahead of a lot of kids in this country.

Parents bring children into this world, and from day one of that child's life parents are continually working themselves out of a job. The goal is to get the child raised and to become an independent member of society. But this comes at a price; the empty nest syndrome is all to real. Your parents are coming to the end of the rearing portion of their task, so have a little more patience with them, but also spend time talking with them and let them know how you feel. They might just surprise you.

Answer 4

Now that you are an adult they need to respect you as an adult, that means to start treating you with the same respect that you do for them....If they ask you where you are going tell them, but you have the right to ask them the same things....just let them know that you love them and you know they love you so just sit down with them and talk it over...trust is a good thing and they must learn to have that with you....communication is always a good thing.....but too they must know that you are going to grow up and move on with your life...just let them know that you are not going to every leave them. But they must let you choice the path of life that you are wanting to go down tell them to turn you over to the lord and let him direct you on this journey. They are not wanting you to get into something that you can't get out of....and let them know that if you feel like you are in that type of situation you will call them for help.....that is the way to help them understand

Answer 5

Are you the only child? If so that is probably why they are so overprotective. They know you will be moving out some day and it probably scares them. Have you been in trouble in the past? If so it could be an honesty problem. If not then maybe you need to have a heart to heart with them. Tell them you are an adult now and would like to be treated as one. If you still are under their roof then you should follow their rules. But talk to them, tell them how their being overprotective does annoy you. Let them know they need to trust you and if you make a mistake you can learn by it. Do you help them out around the house with chores ect? If so remind them of that. But you may need to show them you are an adult and can be trusted. I think it is good in todays time some parents are overprotective. If they have a curfew for you stick with it. But since you are under their roof you have to follow their rules but they need to let go some. Are you going to college? Remind them of that, but let them know you need to spread your wings a little. Tell them you respect them and ask they start respecting you and your desicions. Let them know how much you love them and thank them for the good job they did in raising you. We all learn by mistakes and we all make them. Sometimes though as a parent it is hard to let go. So remember that when you talk to them. Good luck and keep the communication open with them.

Answer 6

just remember they love you

look at it this way
when i was 18 and my sister too my mom chucked us out told us im done
i am not a bank / hotel/groc store
she did her job made us productive ppl in society so thats how we had to go handle the real world on our own

talk to them tell them you understand they have had a huge responsibility for 18 yrs and you understand that they still care

try leaving them notes to be considerate even now i am 37 and my love is 45 and we leave notes for each other tell us where we will be it is just common courtesy

tell them you want to spread your wings a bit but you will be responsible enough and grown up enough to compromise (meet in the middle)

there is a happy middle somewhere there but being grown up mean compromise

Answer 7

Sweetie, your folks care about you and that's a good thing, but you do have to grow up too. Just tell them how you feel. If your going away to college soon, the problem will fix itself. If not, just start making requests to stay out later and come home when you say you will. Gradually they will figure out that you are growing up and they can stop worrying or stop worrying so much.

Answer 8

You are more "legally" and adult (or at least not a minor) than "technically" an adult because "technically" or "scientifically" you are not yet an adult. Your bones won't be finished growing until another seven years, and your pre-frontal cortex may not be completely mature for another four to six years.

Sometimes parents who are seen as "over-protective" are only seen that way by their children, who wish they'd just relax and stop worrying. Sometimes even less careful parents think other parents are "over-protective". In other words, sometimes "over-protective" is really "just-the-right-amount-of-protective" but looks "over-protective" to kids and some less conscientious parents.

Having said that, I think you should talk to your parents about the issue. Figure out whether they really want to know every little move you make or whether they just want to know that you got to your destination after an hour-long highway drive. I know when it comes to my kids (now grown) I don't really care about "every little move". All I care about is that they are ok.

Parents worry about the driving of other teenagers. They worry that their kids will go to a party at a beach, and some drunk kid will hold them under the water. They know that the ages of 18 to about 22 are probably the most dangerous for sons and daughters because kids are old enough to do what they want and go where they want, but they are still young enough to either be careless or foolish or else be with friends or others who are careless of foolish.

Your parents right now are probably more scared to death about your safety than they have ever, ever, been in your life. What I have learned as a parent, though, is that as a child gets each year older I have gotten a little more used to having a young-adult child but have also been a little more reassured to know my sons or daughter are a little farther away from the scary age of 18 and a little more mature.

I've noticed a very natural letting go that has occurred as my children got each year older, and I have discovered that, for the most part, once each has gotten to 25 (funnily enough, exactly when science says real maturation has been reached completely) I seem to have completely come around to seeing them as adults (and only worry if they take long highway trips, but I do that with anyone - I do worry that people will break down on the highway or get lost in rural snowy areas, etc.).

So try to sort out (or even ask about) whether your parents are really trying to know every move or whether their only aim is to know you're ok. Try to understand that although you feel very grown-up, and in many ways ARE grown-up, you - right now and for the next few years - are thinking like a very young person and are under the influence of a brain that may tell you nothing bad is ever going to happen to you (and that, unfortuately, isn't always true). Try to understand that your parents' worries come from their having lived long enough to see what there is to worry about. Try to understand that they are, most likely, terrified about any of the numbers of things that could happen.

I can't guarantee anything because, of course, all parents are different; but chances are they will ease up as time goes on.

Talk to them honestly. Tell them you don't feel free, and see if all of you could work out some compromises on some of the issues at hand. I know with my kids I have always realized how old they are and respected their age and right to feel free. At the same time, I've always thought how if parents don't say or do something to keep an eye out for their safety (when they're 18 or 19) there's a good chance nobody else will, and a young person often doesn't even think of some things himself.

So talk to them about their worries. If some of what they do isn't about worrying and is just about being nosy figure that out, and compromise on the "nosy" things.

One of the most mature things a person can realize, though, is sometimes it makes sense to call when you get somewhere. (I used to let my mother know I got home at night when I had visited her at night after I was married. I figured it was no skin of my knows to make a quick call and say I got home, and it made her feel better - and a couple of times when I broke down on a dark rode before cell phones were around I was glad to have her figure out I must be stuck and send my brother out looking for me and my baby.)

So try to understand that some of what your parents do may be entirely unrelated to any attempts to curb your sense of freedom, talk to them, and see if you can't work out something.

Answer 9

Unfortunately you will never be "free". Once overprotective always overprotective. Never give your parents a reason not to trust you. And as bad as I hate to say this (because I am a Mom). Your parents need to be on a "need to know only" basis. It is great to have someone to talk to about problems and friends but, if you tell your parents everything then that will just give them reason to worry.

Answer 10

move out