Why do some parents love one child more than the other children in their family?

Question

For example, : ignoring one child's fault where the other gets in trouble for the similar mistake,
they smile more upon seeing their favourite child,
Shouldnt the love be equal between all the their children?

Answer 1

Most parents honestly don't love one child more.

Sometimes it appears that way to children because parents learn as with each child, and they age, and they sometimes change their views of what is a "fault" worth mentioning. Sometimes one child has emotional issues that make the parents worry about speaking up, while they may have felt differently with a different child.

Sometimes one kid gives parents a lot of trouble, and another doesn't. As a result, it is natural for parents to feel a little more warmly toward the one who doesn't give them trouble.

Sometimes parents even show more love to a child who does seem troubled. They may know the non-troubled children are ok and not feel they have to make as big a deal out of loving them as they do the troubled child.

Parents aren't perfect, and they make mistakes. One of those mistakes is not usually loving one child more. It may be creating the impression they love one child more even when they don't.

Children don't know what it is like to have a few children of their own. They don't know what they would do if they had a child who did this or did that and another child who did the other thing. Parents need to figure out how to treat everyone the same, but sometimes children of different ages can't be treated the same. If, on the other hand, parents aim to treat each child according to that child's emotional needs (as the parent sees them) or age, it can look as if the parent loves one child more than the other. In other words, parents often cannot win in the eyes of the child who is viewing parents with an eye for who they love more.

Again, most often when one child thinks parents love another child or other children more it isn't because they do. Its because they have created that impression in the mind of their child even if they didn't mean to. Again, though, it isn't easy for parents to see and value each child individually and yet treat them all the same all the time because they HAVE TO try to figure out what is right to say or do with each child, and sometimes they just don't figure that out entirely correctly.

Finally, sometimes what looks like a "similar mistake" is not exactly the same situation, and that could account for the fact that parents react one way to what one child does and a different way if another child did something kind of similar but different in a way that made the mistake more worth commenting on.

Answer 2

I beleve its not about the kid nearly as much the parent. You have to remember you dont need a licence to be a parent and it is clear throu out the years that some people can be biest towards one or more child.

In my experiance i know someone who was loved by her parents up untill the end of her Uni years then for no real reason hated. In this case i beleve the parent had become jelous. Now i am guessing that this is an older age that you are talkin about and for that can can say one thing:
This happens for so many reasons i can only begin to scratch on the surface:
The fiirst child - Often the first child is loved more as they were infact born when the parents relationship was still fresh, the child will always remind them of those days and how happy they were.
The second, third etc. - Often the first child was an accident and will remind the parents of the heart ache and sacrafices they had to make when they were born. Additionaly the second, third etc. can be easyer as there will be less surprises and most tasks will have been perfected previously.

There are millions more and at the end of the day (in my oppinion) it generaly comes down to the parents phycie, they are indeviduals as well with there own problems and hang ups. They may have always (throughout there lifes) had a problem with certain characteristics of one of the children (bossy, stroppy etc.)

On the other hand some people beleve this comes down to the kids... but the reason i do not follow this train of thoght is that its not always the better behaved child that receives the better attention, the word love is to open, the parents will generally love the children the same just treat differently.

Thanx for the question, hope i helped.
Chrisy2x

Answer 3

As a parent can honestly say it would be most unusual but do see where you are coming from. All sorts of reasons make it look like that and parents are just human like everyone else and do things for various reasons eg a quiet life, out of sympathy etc. If there is perhaps a weaker child healthwise in the family they may be carrying on as normal but continually worried about consequences of illness/diability. Just because they put a brave face on doesn't mean they don't worry. Again some children are more demanding than others and although they probably know they shouldn't give in to his/her whims often do for the sake of peace and quiet in the home. Also forgiveness is something so hard to understand as in the biblical story of the Prodical Son. A son or daughter has done something wrong,perhaps stays away and then return and is welcomed with open arms. Indeed hard for the loyal family members who have always been there for the parents but that child has always been in their hearts and tearing them apart and are just so glad to have him/her home .To the family this can appears unjust. These are just a few thoughts but hopefully you will see where I am coming from? If you do feel you are loved less than your brothers or sisters ask for a few minutes alone with your mum and dad or one of them and explain how you feel and why. Do this without being angry, just explain the hurt you feel. I am certain you will be reassured and it is likely to have been unintentional. It should make them at the least re assess the situation within the home or if there is
indeed a reason that they seem to favour a particular child(ren) they owe and explanation or apology. Hope all works out for you.

Answer 4

It depends on children's behaviour. Some kids get attached to parents' love with their stary behaviour, while the others are just head over heal, and not caring about anything. That is why, when the good child makes any mistake, that sounds like a one time mistake and can be forgiven easily, but when the naughty ones make the same mistake, that is not tolarable, since their mistake is no more considered as a mistake but faults, as they keep making such fualts every time.

Instead of blaming our parents, i think we first should find out the reason ourselves, and look for what is improper in us that cannot catch our parents' love. Certainly, when they first had a baby they didnt know who or how will he/she be in the future, and loved it equally - but they lost the love when they grow, with their behaviour only.

Answer 5

I dont think that any parent can love another child any less than another but it is possible fot there to be that little something special that makes it easier to ignore what that particular child is doing, and it makes it easier to blame the other, as you do not want to see the good one doing wrong.....

I am a mother of 8 and yes i do have one that is a thorn in my side and i have my favourite on for many reasons...I love them all equally and that will never change,..........

Answer 6

I don't think it's a matter of loving one child more than the other. Each child has a different personality and therefore needs to be punished differently. Maybe the older child has been told more often not to do something and does it anyway. Maybe the younger child is harder to handle and needs a steeper punishment. Unless you know the entire situation you shouldn't think that someone loves one child more than the other.

Answer 7

True, and it is for most parents who will care to admit. I have done that myself but not with the intention of ignoring one over the other i thought i was doing the right thing. Protecting the younger from the older bullies or my daughters from the older brothers' bullying routine. The 'Fav' or 'Pet' child gets more smiles than the rest but with the risk of that child becoming more cunning than (the rest)
Its pretty tricky being a perfect parent with the perfect child.
Even though you love them with all your heart.

Answer 8

They probably don't love any child more than the other.
It's just that some children are harder than others.

If a child is always obedient and does well in school, while the other is disobedient and starts trouble, it's only natural that the "good" one will get better attention.

Every bodyloves honey, nobody wants vinegar--even from their own child.

Answer 9

As a parent of two children I can honestly say we should love our children equally. I don't think we are talking about love here, it is more like...liking our children equally. I love both of my children 10% the exact same. I however do not like them 100% the same. Their personalities are quite different as they are two different people. So I may like some things about one that are different than the other. As a good parent I think it is important to understand that each child is different and though we like them differently it is important to embrace their differences and point the good stuff out often. So I never say I wish you was like your sister. I do say, I like ___________ about you. This way they both understands that mommy finds good things about both of them and though they are not the same they are loved. Kids will be kids and sometimes it is harder on parents when one child is not as well behaved as the other for instance. the feelings that your parents loved one differently or more means that they failed to make you feel important as well. It doesn't mean you weren't important but that they failed to take notice. Your question has already made a difference to me, as soon as my oldest wakes up...three extra kisses and hugs for her. I want her to know I love her just as much as the baby. Thank you

Answer 10

Yes all children should b equal unfortunatly adults can b selfish, I suppose the reason for this is that the kids might have different dads and one of them is disliked or maybe the parent was having a bad time or was mistreated around the pregnancy or birth.