I Need To Cure My Shyness! I'm A Mother of 3 And Tired Of Shyness Keeping Me Indoors...?

Question

I've read books, looked for on-line help. It doesn't work for me. I think I need someone who has been in my shoes and is cured to tell me what worked for them. Someone who really knows what shyness feels like. Thanks so much!

Answer 1

YOU WROTE THE QUESTION BEAUTIFULLY. YOU KNOW A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE HAD OR HAVE SHYNESS . IM ONE OF THOSE MYSELF BUT I GRADUALLY RECOVERED . IT TAKES TIME BUT THAT TIME NEEDS TO BE SPENT IN AN AREA WHERE THERE ARE OTHERS OF ALL DIFFERENT INTELLECT . SHYNESS . POSSIBLY IS A STATE OF MIND WHICH I THINK , EXISTS WHEN AN INDIVIDUAL IS SHUT-IN AND DOESNT MINGLE AND CONVERSE WITH OTHERS DUE TO WHATEVER. FOR EXAMPLE A PERSON WHO HAS HAD AN ILLNESS AND HAS BEEN HOSPITALIZED FOR MONTHS AND IS SHELTERED TO THE POINT WHERE THEY ALMOST PANIC WHEN ITS TIME TO BE RELEASED FROM THE HOSPITAL AND GO HOME. EVEN THE TRAFFIC OF ALL THE CARS AS THIS PERSON IS DRIVEN FROM THE HOSPITAL CAN SEEM SO FAST AND LOUD AND SCARY. I HAD THAT EXPERIENCE WHEN I WAS ELEVEN YEARS OLD IN BOSTON MASSACHUSETTS. YOU CAN WITHOUT A DOUBT OVERCOME THIS, SHYNESS. A COARSE LIKE DALE CARNEGIE IS HELPFUL HOWEVER THERE ARE OTHER APPROACHES. THERE ARE CERTAIN THINGS TO DO FOR YOURSELF FOR EXAMPLE WHEN YOU TALK WITH SOMEONE DONT LOOK DOWN AND KINDA FADE AWAY. STAND WITH GOOD POSTURE AND ALWAYS TALK LOUD ENOUGH SO SOMEONE CAN HEAR YOU AND SHAKE HANDS WITH PEOPLE WHEN YOU GREET THEM AND SMILE. FOR EXAMPLE :::: VISIT AN ASSISTED LIVING FACILITY WHERE THERE ARE PEOPLE MAYBE IN A LARGE ROOM OR WHEREVER. AND MINGLE AND BE PLEASANT BECAUSE YOU ARE A LOVELY PERSON. YOU KNOW, YOU COULD TALK WITH THE RN ON DUTY ABOUT SHYNESS AND TELL HER HOW YOU WANT FULL RECOVERY FROM THIS SHYNESS. THE KEY IS TO GET OUT AND GET GOING AND MINGLE WITH NICE PEOPLE LIKE YOURSELF AND REMEMBER BEING A GOOD LISTENER IS GREAT TOO., BUT YOU CAN KEEP A CONVERSATION GOING BY SIMPLY ADDING A LITTLE HERE AND A LITTLE THERE PERTAINING TO WHATS BEING DISCUSSED. THINK OF THINGS , MY GOODNESS YOU HAVE DONE REMARKABLE THINGS, TALK IN GENERAL WITH DIFFERENT INDIVIDUALS ABOUT WHATEVER. EVERY DAY MAKE THE EFFORT TO GET OUT AND WALK AND TALK WITH NEW PEOPLE. LEAVE THE SHYNESS BEHIND FOR GOOD. YOU ARE SMART AND OUTGOING AND SOCIABLE AND LOVELY. GET OUT THERE AND HAVE FUN AND , LIKE THE AD FOR NIKE, " JUST DO IT " YOULL ENJOY YOUR LIFE TEN FOLD , IF THE CHILDREN NEED HELP TAKE THEM ALONG ONCE IN A WHILE TOO.. HAVE LEARNED FUN. YOU MAKE IT HAPPEN. ! ! ! OH YES!!

Answer 2

It's great that you're making an effort to overcome the problem. Whatever help is recommended by fellow Yahoo members would need to directed to what you feel is the specific underlying cause of your shyness.
Do you feel you are a poor communicator? Do you have self esteem issues?
Were you brought up in a very strict environment? Do you lack confidence?
Your reading of books and on-line research would certainly not have been wasted time and you just need to find the right avenue of help.
Perhaps locating a support group (via i/net or local paper etc) or a small writing group that would enable you to be yourself and get a lot of things out of your system. Whatever options are presented you need to be the one to make the next move and decide to try something and it doesn't matter if you fail - move on and try something else. Set an achievable goal like making 10 enquiry phone calls to join some sort of group that interests you and then act on the information and give it a try. Reward yourself for taking a step into the real world. How about doing some volunteer work?

Answer 3

Paxil. Klonopin. Propranolol.

You'll find yourself surrounded by friends and wondering where they all came from. You'll slowly start to realize that it's because you're actually talking to them.

Also, pick up some Social Anxiety Disorder books. They give you things to practice that helps solidify your new friendly outlook into habits.

I know from personal experience on this one...

Answer 4

Alcohol!

Answer 5

desensitization basically baby steps start small and work your way up have a trusted friend with you at first you can do it you have 3 kids you can do anything

Answer 6

What in the world is the difference between loving a person and being attached to them ?
Love is the sincere wish for others to be happy, and to be free from suffering.
Having realistically recognized others' kindness as well as their faults, love is always focused on the other persons welfare. We have No ulterior motives to fulfull our self-interest, or to fulfill our desires; to love others simply because they exist.
Attachment, on the other hand, exaggertes others' good qualitities and makes us crave to be with them. When we're with them, we're happy, but when we're separated from them, we are often miserable. Attachment is linked with expectations of what others should be or do.
Is love as it is usually understood in our society
really love ? or attachment ? or even possibly for some, only lust.
Let us examine this a bit more. Generally we are attracted to people either because they have qualities we value or because they help us in some way. If we observe our own thought processes mindfully, and carefully - we'll notice that we look for specific qualities in others.
Some of these qualities we find attractive, others are those our parents, or society value.
We examine someone's looks, body, education,
financial situation, social status. This is how most of us decide on whether or not the person holds any true value to us.
In addition, we judge people as worthwhile according to how they relate to us. If they help us, praise us, make us feel secure, listen to what we have to say, care for us when we are sick or depressed, we consider them good people, and it is this type of people we are most likely to be more attracted to.

But this is very biased, for we judge them only in terms of how they relate to "us", as if we are the most important person in the world.
After we've judged certain people to be good for us, whenever we see them it appears to us as if goodness is coming from them, but if we are more aware, we recognize that we have projected this goodness onto them.

Desiring to be with the people alot who make us feel good, we become emotional yo-yo's -
when we're with these people, we're Up, when we're not with these people, we're Down.

Furthermore, we form fixed concepts of what our relationships with those people will be and thus have expectations of them. When they do not live up to our expectations of them, we're very disappointed, or may become angry !
We want them to change so that they will they will match what we think they are. But our projections and expectations come from our own minds, not from the other people.
Our problems arise not because others aren't
who we thought they we're, but because we mistakenly thought they were something they
aren't.
Checklist: "I Love You if __________ "
What we call love is most often attachment.
It is actually a disturbing attitude that overestamates the qualities of another person.
We then cling to tightly to that person, thinking our happiness depends on that person.
"Love, on the other hand, is an open and very calm, relaxed attitude. We want someone to be happy, and free from suffering simply because they exist. While attachment is uncontrolled and much too sentimental, Love is direct and powerful. Attachment obscures our judgment and we become impatient, angry, and impartial, helping only our dear one's and harming those who we don't like. Love builds up others, and clarifies our minds, and we
access a situation by thinking of the greatest good for everyone. Attachment is based on
selfishness, while Love is founded upon cherishing others, even those who do not look very appealing to the eyes. Love looks beyond
all the superficial appearences, and dwells on the fact that they are just like us: they want inner peace, happiness, and want to avoid suffering. If we see unattractive, dirty, ignorant people, we feel repulsed because our selfish minds watn to know attractive, intellectual, clean, and talented people. Love, on the other hand, never evaluates others by these superficial standards and looks much deeper into the person. Love recognizes that regardless of the others' appearances, their experience is the same as ours: they seek inner peace, to be happy, to be free from sufferings, and to do their best to avoid problems.
When we're attached, we're not mentally and emotionally free. We overly depend on and cling to another person to fulfill our mental and especially our emotional needs. We fear losing the person, feeling we'd be incomplete without him.
This does not mean that we should suppress our emotional needs or become aloof, alone and totally independent, for that too does not solve the problem. We must simply realize our unrealistic needs, and slowly seek to eliminate them. Some emotional needs may be so strong that they can't be dissolved immediately.
If we try to suppress them or pretend they do not exist, we become anxious, insecure, falling into a depression. In this case, we can do our best to fulfill our needs while simultaneously working gradually to subdue them.
"The core problem is we seek to be loved, rather than to love. We yearn to be understood by others rather than to understand them. In all honesty, our sense of emotional insecurities comes from the selfishness obscuring our own
minds. 'We can develop self-confidence by recognizing our inner potential to become a selfless human being with many, many magnificient qualities, then we'll develop a true and accurate feeling of self-confidence. And
then we'll seek to increase true love, without attachments, to increase compassion, to cultivate patience and understanding, as well as generousity, concentration and wisdom.'

'Under the influence of attachment we're bound by our emotional reactions to others. When they are nice to us, we're happy. When they ignore us, or speak sharply to us, we take it personally and are unhappy. But pasifying attachment doesn't mean we become hard-hearted. Rather, without attachment there will be space in our hearts and minds for genuine Affection and Impartial Love for them.
We'll be actively involved with them.
If we learn to subdue our attachments, we can most definately have successful friendships and personal relationships with others !! These relationships will be richer because of the freedom and respect - the relationships will be based on. We'll care about the happiness and the misery of all human beings equally, simply because everyone is the same in wanting and needing inner peace, happiness, and not wanting to suffer. However, our lifestyles and interests may be more compatible with those of some people more so than with others, and that is alright. In any case, our relationships will be based on mutual Love, mutual interests, and the wish to help each other in life.

Always loving other people in this way, brings out outgoing friendliness, and helps us to be more extraverted.

From: Psychologist with a Master's Degree.
Remember "Being introverted is not a mental illness, for some it is just integrated into their personality." Love others, and you will have peace of mind. This is what most people are really seeking: Happiness and Peace of Mind.