i told my mum that i'm moving out and want to live with my boyfriend from july this year. now she keeps trying to change my mind and make me feel bad for wanting to move out. i'm still wanting to go to college in the new location to do media studies.but she is turning everyone at home against me. i really love her and i dont want to hurt her but i want to live my own life.what should i do?sensible answers plz
2007-02-01 20:53:39 · 19 answers · asked by Mal S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
How old are you? I'm 37 and the youngest of 3 but I will always be my parents little girl. Your Mum is just worried about you and wants the best for you without you getting hurt. I can only assume that she would prefer you to leave home and live in a shared house than with your boyfriend only because she might want you to live your life first before settling down.
Hope this helps and good luck
2007-02-01 20:59:25 · answer #1 · answered by Bristol_Gal 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
i totally sympathise with u. i had the same from when i was 19, and i was only moving 5 miles away !! i think it's what some people call 'empty nest syndrome'. it's scary for her - her baby is all grown up and leaving home. my mother called me all kinds of names when i said i was moving out, and she accused me of being ungrateful and splitting apart the family. in the end it was my dad who came to my rescue. I've only ever seen him defend me 3 times in my lifetime, and this was one of those occasions (usually he lets my mother have her own way... anything for a quiet life - lol) basically he told my mother not to be so daft, and that i was old enough to make my own choices. after that, she was a little better about it all, and within about 6 months, she was fine about it. all u can do is try to keep calm around your mum, don't rise to the bait when she tries to start an argument. she will accept the situation sooner if she realises u are 100% serious about this, and that u have thought it all through properly. no doubt she'll be like my mum was, and try to give u a 101 reasons why u will fail.... just make sure u have done your research, so u can point out to her that u will be able to look after yourself financially & stuff like that. good luck - i hope everything calms down & goes well 4 u.
2007-02-02 05:14:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
she's probably worried about u.
she may c u moving in with a bf, is a risk.
no parent should make their child feel bad, when they fly the nest,but unfortunately some mummies take it better than others!
try 2 remind her of the positive benefits 4 every1.
u'll b happier, ur making ur own way in the world, it's time 4 u 2 cut the apron strings.
u will come back 2 visit & mum please stop trying 2 turn others against me, u could also tell her, if she pushes u 2 much it will make the whole process worse!
u really don't want 2 fall out with her, she has until july 2 get used 2 the idea & we'll iron out any problems, along the way.
good luck gal, hope all goes 2 plan 4 u & mum calms down.
2007-02-02 05:08:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am a mum and have a daughter. We are really close and she told me she was moving in with her boyfriend (she was 20) old enough you say, but she had been with me for 20 years and it was very very hard to accept.
I put every hurdle in her way, not because I wasn't happy with what she was doing, I wanted her to explore every angle of moving.
Her boyfriend is so lovely, they had been going out with each other for a while.
I thought my world would come to an end when she moved out. I am married, my husband does shift work and I suppose I was being selfish also. My daughter and I did everything together.
She moved out in February last year. She is doing fine, and that makes me very happy. To be honest, yes, I miss her dreadfully, but I feel I have a life - only me and my hubby to think about as far as cooking etc, we can eat when we want, go out when we want. The washing and mess has halved!!! She's happy, I'm happy. We talk to each other on the phone every day, see each other once a week (she moved a 40mins car journey away, and she does shift work).
Tell your mum you'll miss her, you'll speak to her often and see her often (if you can). Tell her the positives like I've mentioned, clean house, less washing, pleasing herself etc.
Good luck. She'll come round, just don't exclude her.
2007-02-02 05:06:59 · answer #4 · answered by chutney 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have answered your own question: "Have your own life!", don't forget that she had to leave home at some point, and so can relate to you. Then there is "Empty Nest" effect, where a parent is taken aback slightly by a child leaving home, and it will take a little while for her to adjust. Keep in contact with her and tell her you love her a lot. Pain is part of any person's life, parent or not, and I think that under her facade, she is worried and upset.
Remember to talk to her about it...She may be seeing something you are not. Parents worry about their children going off and away from their "protection" and so you must prove that you can look after yourself, with or without a boyfriend!
2007-02-02 05:03:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to sit her down and explain to her that you are not leaving home cause you dont want to live with the family but you are getting older and want to move in with your boyfriend and live your own life. Let her know that you will ring and still visit now and again. She has to understand that you are growing up and your life changes and you cant stay at home 24/7 just to make her happy. You need to be happy to.
Do whats right for you and that makes you happy.
xx Good luck
2007-02-02 05:03:20 · answer #6 · answered by Pinkflower 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I suppose this is hard for any parent to come to terms with, but at the end of the day like you said you want to live your own life. As long as you explain to your mom that you still love her and will not abandon her then thats all you can do. Eventually she will come round to the idea, its not as if she will not talk to you but it will take time for her to get used to it. So my advice is do what you got to do, move out always go see your mom, call her just to reassure her she hasnt losed you and she will be fine. xx
2007-02-02 05:43:54 · answer #7 · answered by Kimmy xx 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be independant and do what you have to do to get your education! She's just not wanting to let go and realize that her baby isn't a baby anymore. It's tough trying to get past mom when trying to move out but let her know that you will keep in contact with her but it's time for you to start your own life as an adult.
Good Luck!!
2007-02-02 05:00:33 · answer #8 · answered by themysteriousmami24 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your mother is naturally going to worry about you, and will probably feel like she can no longer protect you and look after you, also a little hurt that she prob feels that you dont need her anymore. Go for it, move out, we all need our independance, just make sure that you keep in touch by phone and visiting as often as you can. She'll soon get used to it. Personally, I got on better with my parents when i moved out! good luck hun!
2007-02-02 05:00:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Give her some time for her to get used to the idea. My mum reacted very badly when I first moved out and refused to speak to me for 6 months but it was because she found it difficult to cope with the fact that I was growing up and needing my independence. She came round in the end and we are very close so just give her time.
Good luck! x
2007-02-02 05:04:18 · answer #10 · answered by lucyt20 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋