Abusive Mother?

Question

I haven't spoken to my mother in over a year. I miss her terribly because of what happened between us.

I want to contact her, but I am anxious that her response will not be kind. What do I say to her? I rather send her a letter, than talk to her on the phone. She has been meddlesome,she has scolded me over matters,she tells me how to run my life, she holds grudges,she just will not let things drop, and let them be. She just keeps bringing things up that have happened in the past,etc. Mind you, this woman gave me up for adoption.

I want to start from scratch with her, I just want to get along with my mother. I am a mature, responsible adult who just wants to get along with her mother for a change.

Answer 1

1- the woman gave you up for adoption. why would you want to have anything to do with a woman who didnt care enought to keep you and from what you said doesnt care that much about how you feel now.

2- doesn't sound like she wants a positive relationship with you. so why even make the effort.

i know this sounds kind of straight forward and like bang-geez-thats rude, but i had a very similar experience with my real mother, only she didnt care enough to give me up for adoptions so my step-mother (an angel and a god-send) could adopt me, she just abandoned us.

"The first step to recieving respect is giving it." - Grandma Turner (my dad's mom) ... a person who gives you up for adoption deserves no respect because they had no respect for you ....

Answer 2

My guess is you must have contacted this woman (your birth mother) after you came of age. It's possible she has some serious issues including the guilt of putting you up for adoption in the first place.

If she is truly being abusive, then stay away from her. Go on with your own life the best you can. I agree with what someone else said, you can change people. I'm sure you have other people in your life that are more supportive of you then she is.

Try to focus on the relationships that you have which are positive. work on improving your own life and building on your future. Someday you might get married and have a family. If your birth mother can't accept you for who you are, she doesn't deserve to be part of your life.

Answer 3

Well it sounds to me like life may have been hard for the both of you. I think writing an heart felt letter is the best beginning. If she wants to contact you, then the ball is in her court. I think that you are very mature and open minded and that is a very big plus. Most people never want to meet let alone have a true relationship with a person who gave them away. Maybe the both of you could benefit from a family therapist? Just a suggestion. Remember put the ball in her court, and maybe suggest you both meet in a public place to begin with.

Good Luck!!

Answer 4

Well, maybe you should say this in your letter... " Dear Mom, I know we haven't contacted each other for over a year, but I really want to start over and just be friends. I'm sorry for the things I did, I just don't want to fight anymore. Please forgive me? I want to be friends not enemies, I never expected to be enemies with my mother... I love you and I hope you know that. Can we just drop the whole thing and start over? Please?; It would be a lot easier. We could get to know each other again and contact more often. I'm just really upset about it, and I really want to see you. Please forgive me for all the things I did wrong?" There's what I think you should put in the letter, you could leave some things out, add more, or both. : ) I would say that in my letter if I had a mother like yours and was put up for adoption. Hopefully, your mother forgives you for whatever you've done and agree's to be friends. Atleast try it, and see what happens. But, I would also suggest that, if you don't feel comfortable with the fact that she might abuse you like that again, then you shouldn't contact her at all.

Answer 5

Do we have the same mother??? freaky!!
Huny my situation with my mum is exactly the same,its been a year she has shuned me from her life, So obviously you babe have to be the bigger person 2make contact, coz mother or not thats pretty mean & heartless to do that to your child. If being face 2face is too hard or it wont work maybe just write 1st & see if you get any response from her!! Good Luck my heart is with you!! ;)

Answer 6

there are somethings that u just can't change about a person and they will never she's holding on to the past because that's probably all she knows let it go and if things don't work out u can't force her to be the person that u hopes she'll come around to be

Answer 7

just give her a call and talk to her. She will like it.