how do you know when its over ?

Question

me and my partner just arn't getting along its been like this for a few months now. we are arguing about silly stuff and its really got me down. we do love each other and have been together more than 5 years - but how do you know when enough is enough - i am scard its beyond repair and we will end up hating each other?

the arguments are about anything - nothing in particular

Answer 1

why don't you both just have a break from each other for a few weeks, see how things go, how you both feel and if its to be, it will be, if not then go your seperate ways

Answer 2

It seems you have lost that spark that first brought you together. Everything you do irritates him and vice versa. There's an underlying resentment and the issue needs to be put on the table and talked about. Sometimes us humans start fighting over something small and silly because we can't seem to discuss the real issue. This becomes a big burden and your partner may feel you're unapproachable. You both need to change a few habits and your way of thinking. Because you don't seem to respect each other any more, the fighting starts.

You need to sit down and talk. Communication is so important in keeping a healthy relationship. You need to respect each others feelings and not take offence when your partner points out your faults.

Try and spend more time alone and doing the things you enjoy doing together. maybe you both need to compromise with certain things.

5 years is a long time to just throw away coz you can't seem to sort out your problems. Only involve other people if you both agree this is a good idea to get help from an outside perspective.

It does not help if only one side is working on the relationship and the other just expects things to carry on smoothly. Dr Phil is right when it comes to relationships and his wife Robyn knows what she's talking about too.

It's all trial and error and I hope this has helped you.

Good luck and God Bless

Answer 3

You will probably find that it's one of thos things, you'll find that you will argue over trivial things, but discuss in depth about major things. It happens to me all the time, me and my wife don't argue much at all but when we do we have a major ding-dong and it's usually something over nothing, anything big and I mean big we talk it through, yer voices get raised but thats as far as it goes. I wouldn't be worried about this being the begining of the end, plan some quality time together, make a nice meal, watch a dvd (the sexier the better) and have a nice time together, sounds like the spark may be missing but it doesn't take much effort at all to get it back. You do find that no matter how much you do love each other, boredom does creep in, and the feeling of being trapped as well, take it from me, my wife and I have been together 15 years (married for 13 of them), I sometimes feel like I should be with someone else (I'm not involved or planning to be involved with anyone else), but over the last 2-3 years, like you, we've argued over silly things, but our "spark" has never been stronger :) !!!

Please understand, I'm not making any excuses for you to either remain together or indeed break up, I can't tell you any signs to look out for, after all we're all individual humans, with our own individual personalities, ultimately only you and you alone can decide if the time has come to end the relationship, but stick in there while you can, if you truly love each other like you say you do then I wouldn't worry about it. I know it's easy to say that when I don't know what it is like for you, but I honestly do think that your spark needs re-ignighting, see how it goes, and the best of luck to you both...be happy :)

Answer 4

You will feel that it's over when you don't talk with your b/f and vice versa. When you won't feel the happiness that you should feel when you're with him and vice versa. When you argue a lot on nothing, it means that both of you have something inside that is making you feel down with your b/f or g/f.

So if you're not talking to each other and are arguing on silly things, then I think that's all over girl even though you love each other. Maybe your love is a friends love and not a relationship love.

Sorry to tell you this hun but that was the way I felt with my first love even though it was the first one, I wasn't comfortable with her habits, way of living and seeing her acting the way she acted. Even though she never hurted me and I never hurted her, we didn't feel the chemistry between us. When we broke up, we didn't end up hating each other either but we're still friends and the break up happened four years ago. Btw you don't have to be scared cause it's beyond repair. You have to accept it cause I think that you don't want your b/f (or maybe worse your husband) to cheat on you in the future. Am I right? I'm talking about cheating because a forced relationship, leads to cheating from one of the partners or both of them.

Answer 5

Now is as good a time as any if you think the realationship is beyond repair. Usually asking a question like this is a good indicator that it is. You can talk to your partner and see what he/she is feeling about this but in the end, unless both of you are willing to put in the work to fix it, it is time to move on, in spite of what you feel. Sometimes love just isn't enough.

Answer 6

well hun - when you have the arguments over nothing its a pretty good indication - also when you're not too bothered about spending time with him - when you look at him and dont get that fuzzy warm feeling in you tummy anymore - when you're not bothered if he or you cant make an arranged date - when you're quite happy to sit in one room with him in the other - if you find you dont sing his praises to your mates anymore - little signs that you'll realise you dont do anymore - its very hard letting go of something after 5 years but just think about how unhappy you'll be if down the road if you stay with him - its hard to leave - but you have to think about how miserable you will both be for staying together just for the sake of it.. breaking up is never easy to do and someone is always going to be hurt - but I think from what you've described that you know in your heart its over - I wish you well in your decision - either way its going to be a hard one.
xx

Answer 7

You know what?...r u flirting,sex mates,soul mates, lovers,or u r just counting the years,a coward of where to go from here....????u r very hypnotised / obsessed with the 5 years lov seek help before wasting another 5 years thereby adding up to 10years also adding 10 years to yours years meaning growing old..... ditch out.move on

Answer 8

When the so-called the flame of love starts to lost its heat that's a signal to start re-thinking of your relationship. Having someone to love is one of the most beautiful feelings in this world but if that feeling start to diminish and hatred takes in, its better to say goodbye than to lost your respect from its other, atlest you could still be friends.

Answer 9

What are the arguments about? Though the dilemma may seem trivial to you, it may not to your partner. Perhaps the silly thing you fight about are really about a bigger issue your both reluctant or unawear of.

Answer 10

when silly stuff sets u off it's time to analyze the relationship as a whole and deep down inside you already know the heart tells u so