Relationship help! Why does it have to be so hard?

Question

I've been dating a wonderful guy for about 3 and a half years since I was about 19. He graduated a semester before I did so he has been at a job in another city and we have been long distance and doing pretty well at it. However, the past few months (and even a little bit before we were long distance), I stopped feeling as attracted to him and felt more like we were just best friends. I also need to figure out my career/ grad school path so we took a break about a month ago and he surprised me earlier this week by coming to my city and telling me how much he missed me. At first I was elated to be back together buy now that feeling is back that makes me feel like not kissing him and that we could use more time apart. Is it normal after 3 yrs to not feel like kissing your significant other? and also, since we have such a great connecction, even if it is as best friends, should i hang on to it? or take a longer break while i get settled in a career? ANY HELP IS GREATLY APPRECIATED!!

Answer 1

Don't break up with him. Most likely you'll lose the guy. Eventually time will deteriorate his feelings for you like yours for him did. Kiss him less and less and he'll eventually get used to it. Then tell him you want to be best friends, and that's it.

Answer 2

Although I am an avid proponent of education, there is the down side of a lot of stress that goes hand-in-hand with that great learning process. Most folks put heart and soul into earning their degrees, so your feelings may be more a result of stress and not so much that you don't feel the same as you did once before.

I also believe that we become more independent and goal focused the closer we are to achieving a life changing goal. You are probably growing up quite nicely and perhaps the need to have your sweetie in your life isn't as strong. That doesn't mean you are no longer love him though. You obviously do because of the very thoughtful attitude you have towards him. Your compassion and appreciation for him spoke clearly when you called him your best friend.

You'll know if you need to take a longer break. Try not to feel guilty about things if you do make that choice. Graduate school is so demanding and any stress you can eliminate will help ensure better grades. Be honest with your boyfriend and I'm sure he will understand. Good luck to you! Annie

Answer 3

You are bored with him. When he was gone all those times you started to miss him that is why when you took a break and when he came back at first you were delighted to see him then you began getting bored again. The question is did you find or do you have feelings for someone else? Sometimes couples need time apart—you know space. I think that since you don’t want to show affection that is kiss him and you don’t want to be with him in a committed relationship that you should be best friends.

Answer 4

hell, ive been married for 20 years and don't feel like kissing my hubby most days! I would get settled in a career first though, too much on your plate right now to think about giving of yourself to another person wholeheartedly. You also need to be honest with him and gently explain your feelings without rejecting him, it could be taken the wrong way if not done delicately. If it's meant to be then it will work itself out. It would be hard to still be best friends if either of you happened to find someone else (after all, you are in different cities). Be honest with him and yourself.

Answer 5

I think a break is in order here. You two are just starting down your new paths in life, it may be i different directions...You may not be meant for each other and if you can hold on to that friendship, more power to you. You both need to give each other time to figure out what you want out of life....

Answer 6

you said it yourself--he's a wonderful guy. love isn't just physical intimacy, and i believe it's perfectly normal to go through spells of not wanting to touch or be touched in that manner. you've got a guy who flew/drove/came all that way to surprise you and see you. that's devotion, and devotion is hard to find. are you willing to give that up? if he is as sweet as you say, then i'm sure there are other girls just itching to get at him. don't do anything that you'd regret because you at lower point in the progression of your relationship. if you let him go, chances are you'll want him back. the fact that you feel like best friends means that your relationship will have something to stand on at times like this ;)

Answer 7

You can't force yourself to love someone that you don't want to. But good men are hard to find (i have one but they are still hard to find). Sometimes we as women just need to find ourselves and love ourself before we can love anyone else. If you have a lot going on it might just be that you are going through things, not necessarily that you have fallen out of love with your boyfriend. Or maybe it's just not there anymore. In any event, if you don't love him anymore, you should be honest and upfront. But think about it first because once you let go, there is always the chance you might realize you want him back and he might not take you back.