My boyfriend told me I nag too much.......?

Question

O.k. so the jerk who i've been dating for over 3 years and good friends with for about 6 years said i nag too much and about nothing at all. I don't want him too feel dis way but he let me go on and on and raise my voice and he does not say anything. He told me that he don't like to fuss but i atleast need a response. If he's going through something or i said something that made him sad or even mad, he won't even tell me. We are deeply in love and plan on getting married but i won't marry a man that can't even express his feelings to me. How do i tell him that i'm in need of some excitement in this relationship? I can predict his thoughts and his responses even his next sexual positions most of the time. Hes becoming too predictable for me but i love him. How do i spill this info to him?


See i got alot to nag about~~~~~~~~~

Answer 1

Well first of all, you should be talking about it while he's in the mood to have sex, otherwise you'll probably hurt his ego. Tell him what you want while you're having sex. If you tell him when he's watching TV and you decide to interrupt the following program with a "baby you ain't doin' it right" it's gonna be pretty damn sad. You can't expect for things not to get predictable, that's what happens when you're with someone for a long time. I remember not only predicting what my ex's next sexual move was gonna be, but I even knew the damn pattern. First on top, then flip me over, then I get on top, then he gets me from the back- yes it can get predictable, but you can't just throw it all on him. Buy some sexy lingerie, get him more excited and you both will be glad. My god, I remember I did that and he started bustin' some crazy moves! Also as dificult as it is, don't try to force him to talk. Just give him his space when he needs it and he'll love you more for it.

Answer 2

It sounds like you are very good at voicing your opinions, wants and needs, but I don't think you know how to listen. Listening is the most important skill in a relationship and everything you've said thus far indicates that you are not listening.
Listening means that you are hearing his words and your attention is ONLY on him. When you listen you have to be impartial, non judgemental, compassionate, considerate, respectful and understanding. If you are merely bouncing back your own opionated ideas then that is NAGGING. So my suggestion is to shut up, stop nagging and let your man talk. You will learn more about him and discover that he is not nor was ever predictable! Nobody can PREDICT what another person is thinking - that is all in you own head.

Answer 3

Wow, good question, Well first have you ever spoken to him one, on one about this?If not sit him down face to face, with eye contact (because you know how guys swear they wasn't paying attention)and tell him what you need out of the relationship. Express with out beating around the bush how you feel, as bluntly as you can.But before you do that you gotta think,before you'll met was he spontaneous, or exciting as you wanted or liked? Even more, is he the exciting kind of person. i ask this because if he's not, you'll be asking him to be something he's not and if he truly loves you and wants to keep you then he'll have to decide to make that change, and would you be comfortable with him making that change for you. Also explain to him that your not nagging your express your self to a point that you feel your not being heard and if he took the time to actually listen instead of assuming your nagging, he would know this and how you feel.You probably wouldn't have this problem then.Good luck.

Answer 4

"i won't marry a man that can't even express his feelings to me." Sounds like he is expressing his feelings but you don't like the answer. If you want excitement in the relationship then bring it in yourself. Why are you waiting for him? Make things exciting. You can "predict his next sexual position????" Do you just lay there waiting for it or are you an active participant. Imagine how excited he must be? If you are this bored ( and young and naive so it seems - may not earn me any point though) before the nuptuals you are in for an awakening after the "white" gown is flung onto the floor and the rice is picked out of your hair. Guys don't always like to speak their minds. Respect that. Give him the space he wants. If there is trouble in the relationship don't point fingers and blame. It takes two.

Answer 5

From a male point of view he needs to tell you about some things but some people like to solve problems there own way. Nagging and not being open are also 2 different things. If he is not pulling his weight in your relationship you may need to bring this up.

Not being open is sometimes hard for a male to come out with as sometimes the things that do bother or concern us may think us to be more less of a man by talking about it. If we do tell you some things and then you tell your Friends we look stupid. He might only want to tell his mates about it.

Any way that is my thoughts.

Answer 6

Stop nagging him or Blaming him..Maybe that's his real nature..if He Really something like that, make the first move..Express what you feel toward him not in a way of nagging,,just like your telling a story and feel free to tell everything,your sadness,worries etc.And after that ask him in a very Sweet voice,, Is there anything you want to share? but dont insist him..and keep doing that..If he observe that your changing maybe later on he gonna change too. Good luck

Answer 7

Alot of women start out sweet then turn into these horrendous nags and wonder why things don't seem the same anymore. Nobody was ever nagged into going out with you, why do you think that nagging would keep them? Saying the same thing over and over is just annoying. The only way it works is if he complies with your nagging to get you to shut up. That's a lousy way to communicate.

Answer 8

Searching for perfection? Or what you see as perfection? That's what I read here. First off, you start out that he is a jerk. As for why you wrote here, you wrote with two different complaints. One, that he says you nag. And secondly, that he doesn't respond.

I wonder how old you are, as a lot of what you are saying seems to be a lack of maturity. I am not trying to insult you or drag you down, but as people age they realize that one should pick their battles in relationships. To constantly comment on things, to badger someone on and on, only shows that you think that you are perfect and that your boyfriend has a lot of room to improve. Stand back and think about what you are saying and how you say. Choose what to say moving forward. Look at the things you enjoy and love about your boyfriend.

As for him not commenting when you speak, there is two things that could be going on here. One, he is tired of hearing you nag, so what is he going to say, because it'll be wrong anyway, right? Or two, he isn't as comfortable communicating, which unfortunately, is a generalization made about a lot of men. Ask him what it will take for him to open up?

Advice here...1.) pick your battles. 2.) remember your tone, your attitude, breathe before speaking 3.) he is just as right and just as valued in the relationship as you.

Answer 9

I used to feel the same way, but unfortunately the problem was me. Everyone processes differently and you can try and force people to do things the way you want them too , even if you swear they'll feel better. The fact is he probably needs space not space from you just space. For example with me and my husband if I noticed something was wrong(or merely thought it) I'd confront him on the spot, and then it would somehow turn into a fight because I thought he was shutting me out --yada yada yada, sound familiar yet. Well I've learned to either just listen more, look for cues and yap less. They throw out little signals you just need to know how to pick up on them. Like with my husband its more about tone and wear he chooses to pause, and when he does I'll just say a simple Ya, and he continues. And when he's done he feels better and doesn't need to go any further. Its not going to be like when you have a vent off with one of your friends-- guys just don't open up like that, and I think we expect them too.(we think if they really loved us they could- because that's what happens when women bond with their friends)- But it isn't fair of us and it just push them from us not strenghthening or created a bond! Also I've started noticing little things like him rubbing between his eyes, instead of trying to make him talk I'll just scoot a little closer and just start playing with his hair and I notice him feeling calmer almost immediately. Hopefully this will help and safe you both a lot of grief and a happier marriage- Good-luck!!

Answer 10

Do not marry him! It would be a disaster. Your personalities clash. You should not nag him and be nasty to him. You're testing him and being childish. I understand your need for someone more exciting but I also understand his need for someone more calm and sweet. If you think you're bored now, just wait. If you marry him it will only get worse. Do both of you a favor and split.