Not just lame jokes -- groaners that you just can't help to laugh at. I need a few really good ones for a school project. Constraints: 1. school appropriate 2. short, two sentences at longest, 3. no making fun of religion, politics. I have only two examples of what I'm looking for: Why does Santa tend a garden? So he can ho, ho, ho! Why couldn't the kid get into the pirate movie? Because it was rated "Arrh"!
2007-02-01 13:40:38 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
How do you get 1000 pikachus on a bus?
Poke-em-on!
Love it!
2007-02-01 13:45:43 · answer #1 · answered by sticky 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this humorous tale CRACKS ME UP. i hpe you like it!! those days, a habitual police patrol grew to become into parked exterior a interior of reach community bar in Minnesota. previous due interior the night, the officer observed a guy leaving the bar so intoxicated that he might desire to extremely stroll. the guy stumbled around the motor vehicle parking zone for a jiffy with the officer quietly staring at. After what regarded an eternity and attempting his keys on 5 distinctive vehicles, the guy controlled to discover his own motor vehicle which he fell into. He grew to become into there for a jiffy as countless different buyers left the bar and drove off. finally, he began his motor vehicle, switched the wipers on and stale (it grew to become right into a dry night), flicked the possibility flasher on and stale, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights fixtures. He moved the motor vehicle forward some inches, reversed a sprint and then remained table certain for some extra minutes as extra buyers left of their vehicles. ultimately he pulled out of the motor vehicle parking zone and commenced tocontinual slowly down the line. The police officer having patiently waited all this time, now began up his patrol motor vehicle, positioned on the flashing lights fixtures, immediately pulled the guy over and carried out a breathalyser attempt. To his amazement the breathalyser indicated no information that the guy ate up alcohol in any respect! Dumbfounded, the officer stated "i will might desire to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyser kit might desire to be broken." "I doubt it," stated the guy. "this night i'm the specified decoy."
2016-09-28 07:29:51 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yo momma's so fat she has to iron her pants on the driveway.
Yo momma's so fat she puts her lipstick on with a paint roller.
Yo momma's so fat she has to pull down her pants to get in her pocket.
Yo momma's so fat you have to take a train and 2 busses just to get on her good side.
Yo momma's so fat she put on some BVD'S and by the time she got them on they spelled BOULEVARD.
Yo momma's so ugly she makes onions cry.
Yo momma's so ugly she went to the beauty shop and it took 3 hrs. for an estimate.
Yo momma's so old that when she was in school they didn't have history.
Yo momma's so old that when I told her to act her own age, she died.
2007-02-01 13:55:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Q. How do you get down off of an elephant?
A. You don't, you get down off of a duck. ("Down" is the name for the fine, soft feathers on a duck)
Q. How do you stop an elephant from charging?
A. Take away it's credit cards.
2007-02-01 13:47:15 · answer #4 · answered by marklemoore 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
#1. There once was a brown haired girl who was saying, 78 78 78 78 78. A blonde girl came outside and said hey thats fun can i join you? The brown haired girl said, sure! They said 78 78 78 78 when a car came the blonde girl ran away but the brown haired girl pushed her in and she got hit, then she said 79 79 79 79.
#2.There once was a man at a store selling oranges.
The first man came in and said,
"Hi, what are you selling?"
"I don't know." The man selling oranges said.
The guy left and the boss came in and yelled,
"Your selling oranges!"
The second man came in and said,
"Hi, what are you selling?"
"ORANGES!" said the man selling oranges,
"How much?"
"I don't know."
The man went away
Then the boss came in and said,
"It's .99$."
Another man came in and said,
"Hi what are you selling?"
"ORANGES!"
"How much?"
".99$!"
"Can I buy it later because I have to buy something from the Bakery for my wife."
"I don't know."
The man went away
Then the boss came in and said,
"If someone asks you that, say 'you better do it now before someone else does.'"
Another man came in and said,
"Hi, what are you selling?"
"ORANGES!"
"How much?"
".99$!"
"Can I buy it later, because i have to buy something from the bakery for my wife."
"Well you better do it now before someone else does!"
He bought one.
A police man came in and said,
"Hi, I'm looking for someone to arrest."
"ORANGES!"
"Would you happen to know what his name is?"
".99$!"
"I think I'm going to arrest you."
"Well you better do it now before someone else does!"
#3....she called me to get my phone number.
...she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."
...she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
...she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
...she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
...she tried to drown a fish.
...she thought a quarterback was a refund.
...she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
...she tripped over a cordless phone.
...she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
...she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
...she studied for a blood test.
...she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
...when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
...when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
....when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left, " so she turned around and went home.
...... she couldn't dial 911 because she couldn't find the 11
#4.There were 3 boys, shut up crap and manners. One day crap jumped out the window and manners followed him. Shut up went to the police.
Help my brother crap ran away will you help me find him?
Sure whats your name kid
Shut up
No kid really whats your name
SHUT up
Kid whats your name!
shut UP!
KID WHAT IS YOUR NAME
SHUT UP!
EXCUSE ME WHERE IS YOUR MANNERS?
Out looking for crap.
#5There were two polish men, a dumb one and a a smart one. They were getting a job in poland at the airport. The smart guy went and talked to the boss and said, I would like a job here, what do i have to do? The boss said All you have to do is give me a sentance with the word i give you he said okay. Okay, the word is great. The guy then said, I had a new jacket it fit great. I'm sorry I cant let you get a job here. Then he went out to his boss and said to the other polish guy all you have to do is say a sentance with the word the guy gives you, I don't know why buy he didn't except my sentance. The dumb guy went in and said he wanted a job, the boss said he had to say a sentance with the word monkey. The man though a minute, and said I had a new jacket, it fit monkey he gave him a job.
#6There were two polish men on a plaine, the piolet came over the intercom and said we lost a engine dont worry we have 3 more, then he said after 30 minutes we lost another engine but we have 2 more, he lost another one an hour later and everyone was getting worried, then he said uh-oh this is our last one, then one of the polish men said to the other polish man gee I hope we dont lose this one, I dont want to stay up here. Yeah me to the other one said
2007-02-01 13:45:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
when someone come up to you and asks you what did the chicken say to the egg or anything like that..
Say right back to them nothing chickens cant talk retard and then walk away slowly but surely
2007-02-01 13:44:33 · answer #6 · answered by Jonesy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Q. How does the daddy buffalo say goodbye to his baby boy buffalo?
A. BYE-son (bison)
2007-02-01 20:47:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
knock knock
who's there?
a lil kid who cant reach the doorbell
Why did the boy fall off the swing?
no arms
2007-02-01 13:43:03 · answer #8 · answered by [(anti) social butterfly] 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She figures that the man of her dreams was a friend of her mothers, and therefore will attend her sisters funeral
2007-02-01 13:42:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did the cowboy buy himself a daushound?
Someone told him to "Get a long little doggie"......
2007-02-01 13:44:42 · answer #10 · answered by stimpy36 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋