What is an appropriate way to teach a five year old to respect others property?

Question

I have a memory foam pillow top mattress and she took the sheets off the bed, unzipped the cover, and tore small holes in my mattress. She has never done this (or any other destructive behavior before).
My daughter is not spoiled my any means, but does not hurt for anything. She is a very well behaved child with very good manners and very sympathetic, but at this age, how do I teach her to respect my things and the fact that she HAS things that others do not. Is she too young to work at a soup kitchen? Will she understand that the people she is serving have NOTHING? I want to raise an empathetic, compasionate and respectful child.
How should I punish her for this act? I thought about ruining something of hers to show her how it hurts her feelings, but two wrongs don't make a right. I am usually pretty savy in the arena of disipline, but this time I am at a loss. She is a very resourceful child and taking things away is useless. She is pretty happy with very little. Any advice?

Answer 1

You need to get to the root of the question: WHY would she do such a thing? I think the answer to that is to get your attention. Children often act out in unexplainable ways in order to get you to focus on them. She evidently has a need for that right now. Is there something that is coming between you and her that she senses? Anything that you are putting before her?

I'm not saying that you should spoil her and let it go, nor excuse her behavior. I think she wants correction from you, and has done this deed intentionally to test her boundaries and see what you will do. Just try to analyze her needs before you punish her.

One thing you might do to help teach her that destroying other's things is wrong and deserves a punishment is have her pay to get another mattress for you. Or at least pay some of it. I'm not sure if she gets an allowance yet, or if you give her money to buy things (candy, treats, toys, etc.) but you could tell her that she has to go without certain things because you have to use that money to replace the mattress she destroyed.

One thing I would say is, I don't think this is a pattern of destruction in your little girl's heart. I think she acted out of a sense of need for your attention, and I think if you give her that attention more you will see her need erased.

I remember my first day of school, when I was five years old. I was the fourth child in my family, we went to a small one-room school and all my brothers and sisters were there. The first thing that day, I went to the drinking fountain and got a drink, held the water in my mouth, walked over to my older brother's chair and knelt down and spit the water on the floor. My siblings told the teacher, who questioned me, and I denied doing it. She took me around the corner and gave me a well-deserved spanking with a ping pong paddle. It was my first day of school, and I never did anything like that, or lied to my teacher, ever again. All this to point out: I was a very well-behaved child, too, but I did a very strange thing on my first day of school and lied about it, simply because I wanted attention and had to get it.

Hope this helps. You know your daughter better than anyone else, so just read our advice and do what your conscience tells you to. Good luck! The fact that you're concerned tells me you're a great mother and will make the right choices with her.

Answer 2

Did you ask her why she did it?

If this is isolated, then it's probably nothing to worry too much about but it's a great opportunity to teach. She may have done it out of boredom, or because it was a cool feeling to pinch off the foam.

So the way I would handle this is to tell her that she has ruined something that was very important to mommy, and regardless of why she did it, it was wrong. You can explain to her that now you will have to live without something that helped you to be comfortable in bed and that you are very sad that she did that.

I would then ask her to think about what kind of punishment she thinks would be appropriate (at five she should be able to come up with something). At the same time you should be prepared to help her to determine how she will make up for what she did. Personally, based on this situation, I would go with the "I can't trust you" theme. Tell her that for the next week she is to stay in your sight at all times, except when she goes to school. No playing outside alone, no playing in her room alone, she must ALWAYS be in the same room as you so that you can keep an eye on her. Tell her that after a week if she proves that she behaves and acts like a big girl (and doesn't do anything sneaky like tearing up the mattress behind your back) you will let her go back to having alone time. Show her a calendar and mark off the days that she'll be under "house arrest." She'll literally have to follow you around the house and stop what she's doing in order to be in your sight. It won't be fun after awhile.

It will probably drive you crazy, but it will really drive a point home. She will be very ashamed that you have to watch her like a baby and the next time she is alone she'll think twice before doing something llike that again.

I wouldn't get too crazy about this...I think all kids go through this kind of thing. But this is prime time to help her to see that it is NOT acceptable to you.

Best of luck.

Answer 3

Is this a problem all over the place, or are you just very upset that she damaged something that is so expensive (and of course she has no concept of what that is)?

I think you need to digest your upset before you take this on. You need to see this for what it is. She should be punished, but appropriate to what she should know about. The cash value of a bed is not in her frame of reference.

When I began to talk to the kids about money, I talked about how many hours a minimum wage person would have to work to buy whatever it was we were looking at. Food is a good place to start - like $5.15 will barely get an adult a good fast food meal. How many hours would someone have to work to pay for your bed? Start talking to her about real life in ways she can understand and when you start talking about college and earning, you will have built a foundation.

Maybe a little while longer before the soup kitchen - like next year. But it is a good idea. Kids to see what having very little looks like. I saw a celebrity take her child to an aid organization to pack toy bags for the less fortunate. Or at Xmastime you could pick up an Angel from the Salvation Army and buy gifts for a less fortunate person. Or donate to, or work at a food bank.

Answer 4

Asking her why she did it is pointless. Chances are she doesn't know. She was probably just curious. Explain that the matress was expensive and her damaging it made you unhappy.
Please don't take her to the soup kitchen as an object lesson. The homeless should be helped out of alturisum.
Please don't destroy anything of hers. You sound like you've already decided against this, which is good.
I would tell her my bedroom is now off limits to her; unless you are present. A time out for poor behavior, 1 minute for every year of age up to seven is good to do after explaining the offense. However, it should be done immediately.
Children will often go through a "distructive" phase. They often just want to see how things work. She may have begun by pressing the material to see it spring back and then started pinching it and well, you know the rest. Have a talk with her and then let it go.

Answer 5

till the habit is clearly shaped, bribery always works maximum perfect. provoke upon your toddler which she might want to be "a sturdy lady for mommy" in order to get a particular manage or toy. Be very sparkling that she has to do what her auntie, babysitter, or friends tell her to do in order to recieve her manage. be particular that the caregivers are sparkling what the rules are, too. now and again, this is not the newborn who isn't minding, in spite of the undeniable fact that the caregiver who's uncertain or giving too many orders rapidly. Have all people agree on the be conscious for use like "no." actually have all people agree that if she is misbehaving, that they redirect the newborn into an interest this is approved. be particular once you come out of your holiday that you get a document from the caregiver in the front of the newborn. this way she is conscious that all the adults are in cahoots even as it includes her bahavior. this is the inconsistancy and confusion with discipline that could want to reason an brisk toddler to morph right into a three foot terror. regrettably, your greatest venture isn't the newborn, its the adults.

Answer 6

Sounds to me, that if your daughter doesn't usually do things like this that she did it purposely to get someones attention. But to discipline a 5 year old I would suggest taking a toy away for a while, or no TV etc. Something someone told me, when your disciplining a child, get on your knees and look them right in the eye, they'll know your serious, then you will be able to tell if the child understands.

Answer 7

Please, lets not forget that this girl is 5 years old!
While I'm not saying to you're doing it, but more often than not adults expect children to understand and act as if they would be adults already.
We need to let children be children, and they don't learn by what they hear, but rather from what they see.
My advice is to continue to be a positive role model for her. Enforce good behavior instead of punishing the bad one. She'll do things that are not appropriate, and make mistakes, but she also will learn right from wrong from the choices you make. Show her compassion, and she'll be compassionate.

Answer 8

Could you explain to why this was wrong and also bad for the environment. Try and explain that pointless destruction just results in others missing out in life - and someday it will be her who is missing out because of the selfishness of others.

You could try restricting food or treats, but like you state, you don't want to be 'revengeful' about this.

be good to see what others have to say.

Answer 9

Show her what it is like to not have so much. Take her to sa oup kitchen. when i was little, i didn't have to work there because i was to young, but seeing all the people with no teeth and bad hygene made me very thankful for what i had. i was about 5-6 years old and hearing their stories affected me very well.

Answer 10

I'm interested in the answers you'll receive. I'm working with mine on "ask yourself if this is a good idea, is it something mom and dad would want you to do"
He KNOWS the right answer, if only he'd ask himself that before acting.