Religion and marrage?

Question

My boyfriend/best friend is Greek Orthadox. I love him very much and have for most of my life and we want to get married in a few years time.

He is very set on having our wedding in a church. I'm not religious, I have never been inside a church, and my whole family are not religious.

I love him very much but I don't want to get married in a church. He says I have to get baptised. All this stuff is all strange to me, but he's set on having it in a church.

Any suggestions of what I can do? I've already compromised a lot in our relationship. I love him very much. Please help!

I have many times

I have never been in a church mainly because my family are very against Christianity (also someone punched my mother in the face and broke her nose one day she was forced to go to Sunday School)

I admit, i don't understand religion, I don't understand how someone can believe in something that is not physical. (I know this will provoke lots of people)

His family are not very religious, they go to Church once a year (greek easter) and apart from that they don't go. He knows i am not religious but this is something that he is extremly passionate about.

I am not going to leave him for a Christian girl, I DO NOT in anyway push my beliefs on to him, and he DOES NOT push his on to me. This is the first time we've really had this 'disagreement'.

I'm not prepared to get baptised untill I understand his religion and IF I do it will be my choice, not his.

Answer 1

Love is unconditional. Hope your boyfriend knows this. Looks like you do love him unconditionally(even after he is SO MUCH imposing on how a marriage should be conducted).

You got two choices..... 1) Get married the way he wants or 2) Talk to him about how you feel(and reach an agreement). Remember the agreement maybe be positive towards married life, or this is A BIG SIGN that he is manipulative and does not believe in compromise in life.

Watch "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" its a wonderful movie about how a couple of two different up bringings compromise on being a happy couple. Maybe you two will work it out. But please never give yourself for what you are, for a relationship. Let your boyfriend know this..... OH BY THE WAY... if he is your best friend, he should know this about you, and understand you. Why is he insisting on a church wedding. You still can have a civil wedding.

A wedding with an approval of both families is a wonderful wedding under the eyes of God(whatever you can call him/her). Let you both be happy in future, and be a wonderful friends. :) Best of luck.

Answer 2

I think you have to consider how strongly you feel about it versus how strongly he feels about it. In some families the religion is as much a part of the family as the parents and children. If this bothers you, you should not marry him. Strongly religious families tend to stay strongly religious and it colors everything they do. I am on the opposite side from you. I am very religious and my husband is not. I insisted on the church stuff (because it is as much of who I am as my arms and legs and I can't be happy without it), but now that we are married he won't have anything to do with it and it is extremely painful for me. I wonder if I should have gotten married at all. So think about future implications and not just the wedding. How far are you really willing to go? And don't expect him to give in, unless he is simply doing it for his parents.

Answer 3

Well, I think an important thing for you to realize is that his religion is probably very important to him. It is part of who he is. If you haven't been inside a church, then you may not be sure if your lack of religion is because of a choice that you have made or of a choice that your family has made for you.

I would suggest going to church with him a few times. Nobody knows what is best for you but yourself, but you will never know until you try it. If you feel comfortable there, great, but if not, don't try to get him to let go of his beliefs. I would never set my faith aside for anyone, and I doubt he will either.

Just try to be understanding and try to learn about it yourself until you can make a choice. You may be with this person because he might bring something to your life that you have never had before-faith.

Answer 4

The best advise I can give is to start going to church with him.

If he does not attend church regularly, then he is just letting you know what his family expects of a marriage ceremony. It certainly does not make them religious if they do not live that in which they seek to lead people to believe that they are.

If he attends church regularly, start going with him, watch and learn and read. By all means, do not get baptized without knowing exactly what it is and what it means.

Answer 5

Marriage is just the starter of the family.Religion and marriage is not join together.They are part of it.A family can had two system in one table.i am a vegetatian but the rest of them not.We share and enjoy meal together.If both of you are truely in love this is not a problem.True love give the others more room and choice to choose.True lover do not wish to see his partner not happy.This is both you and him must had the love and that is called true love.

Answer 6

Learn as much as you can about his religion. It probably won't take long to learn more than him, as most religious folks know very little about what they believe and why.

Then discuss it with him. All the problems, all the errors, all the questionable morality. Challenge him (nicely) as to why he believes these things. Perhaps your reason can win him over.

He will be excited you will be trying to learn, but let him know that he must be willing to openly discuss it with you if you have problems. It'll take some work, but if you really want to be with him, it will be worth it.

Answer 7

It sounds to me like he doesn't truly love you FOR YOU - otherwise he wouldn't be insisting on things like you "have to get baptised".

You need to decide what is more important to you - being with him, or not getting married in a church.

He needs to decide what is more important to HIM - being with YOU, or getting married in a church.

But food for thought - if this is how things are now, do you really think they will change after you get married? What will he say your children "have to" do in order to satisfy his religious beliefs? Are you willing to compromise on that?

Answer 8

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Answer 9

The bible tells us not to be unequally yoked. By marrying you that is what your boyfriend would do. He is a baptized child of God. You are denying Christ - and He will one day deny you. Jesus loves you enough to allow the choice to be yours. I would suggest that if you love this guy as much as you say you do, step away and allow him to marry a Christian girl like himself. Don't lead him astray and away from his faith. You will lose in the end, or convince him to turn his back on his Lord. If you love him, don't do that to him - don't put him in the position to have to choose. Love him enough to leave.

Answer 10

IT WILL BE VERY WISE FOR U AND UR FIANCE TO BE ON THE SAME PAGE. AND WHAT HE VALUES U SHOULD ALSO DO IT NOT ONLY FOR HIS SAKE BUT SEE WHERE IT TAKES IT. YOU SAID THAT YOU LOVE HIM BUT PLS MAKE SURE THAT YOU BOTH ARE HAPPY WITH THE DECISIONS YOU MAKE. LEARN TO TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING. A WORD TO THE WISE IS SUFFICIENT IF GOD IS IN YOUR MARRIAGE IT WILL BE BLESSED.